Being a girl or being a guy dressed in girls clothes

[AlissaMurray]

This is the question I ask myself these days. I love to dress and I have a couple outfits that I think look very cute on me. But this is all from the neck down. I have facial hair and my wife likes it, she hates when I am clean shaven. Myself, I don't care much either way. As a guy I surely look better with my stash but it does make it hard to go into girl mode. So I ask myself, what do I want? And the truth is I am not sure. I have been in the closet for over 40 years. In the past few years there have been some people who have found out so it isn't a total secret any longer. Panties, nylons, skirts, cute tops, I love it all. I would guess that I wear clothes fit for a girl maybe 20 years younger than I. I think at times I dress as I wish my SO would dress but she is a jeans and t-shirt sort of woman and there isn't much I can do about that. I am way more girly than she is when it comes to clothes.

So my struggle is do I want to go out as an obvious man in drag or do I want to get a facial make over and try to pass as a woman. I mean, I know I want to do this at least once. I have the need to, I want to see how much of a girl is truly within me. I think a professional make over and some beauty shots would be a lot of fun. But, I am talking on a daily basis who do I want to be. This is a real issue for me because I am happy being a guy but at the same time I have a true NEED to dress as a girl and this is as uncontrollable as most of you understand.

Being accepted as a woman when completely made over is important to many of you, I don't think I feel that to that extent. I'm still working on it in my mind but I think I just want to be accepted as a man in drag which in many ways is even more difficult because I am not trying to blend into the crowd I am simply trying to be me. Anyone else feel this way?

[Jaylyn]

I know exactly what you are saying. I love being a guy but every now and then Jaylyn seems to have a need to pop out. She doesn't stay long but comes to visit when I feel pressure from the outside world or get stressed more than when I am busy. With that said I do certain things that's part of Jaylyn every day such as wear panties daily. I love them and how they feel. I also sometimes wear my hose to further the feelings I enjoy carting around with me daily.
Sometimes though it's just full Jaylyn that's when I shave, bath, and dress to the top.

[Lana Mae]

This is something you will have to decide for yourself. There are some one here who keep their facial hair. I am sure they will reply! Are you out to your wife? Maybe share with her. Best wishes with your decision! Hugs Lana Mae

[2BArianwen]

I'll be following this thread very carefully!!!

Rian

[Teresa]

Alissa,
The answer is go with what you are comfortable with.

I don't want to be seen as a man in a dress so I wouldn't be comfortable with dressing and facial hair, besides as I now go out socially full makeup and a wig are part of me as Teresa. I do believe you will get your dressing age into perspective if you did try being clean shaven and try full makeup with a wig . To me paying for a full makeover would be stretching my budget , I'm happy with what I can achieve for myself. In your case it will provide an immediate answer to your question, I would think it will be a safe bet that when you see the guy disappear there will be no going back, seeing the full transformation for the first time is mind blowing . You will also know then how you wish to dress and what age to pitch it at. Many of us find the full makeover knocks a good ten years off us , I was very flattered when a GG I bought a wig from thought I was in my mid forties.

I do admit I have GD and AGP so I do want to be seen and accepted as a woman , I do dress at home without makeup and a wig but prefer not to be seen like it, so a man in drag isn't for me, it's more of a practical thing .

[jane_wills89]

The moment I saw this post, I wanted to reply to it I absolutely love crossdressing. However I am also compelled to balance the other facets of my life. My girlfriend loves me head shaven and with a beard. I love her so much that I want to maintain that appearance for her. The Jane inside me however wants to clean shave, wear makeup, wear a floral dress, heels and stroll through the city shopping. So it's always an internal clash as to who I truly am.

I did even try crossdressing the first time in public with a beard wearing a lace top and a skirt. It felt so liberating.

I think I will always wear a blouse to work or a skirt in public. I have come to accept of who I am. I love crossdressing but there are other things I love as well. The challenge is in balancing all these. Dressing always and unleashing Jane whenever I get the chance

[Vikky]

Hi Alissa
I m in similar circumstances to yourself. I have a beard, and had it for 30+ years, but would like to get rid of it so I could pass more easily. Never been out as a result. I dress because I feel the need, but like being a guy. My wife knows about my CDing but thats all and its DADT.

I have just had four days to myself, undersdressed or fully dressed the whole time. Loved it, and had hoped to take a drive dressed below the neck - only reason I didn't was the dog was sick just as I was getting the keys etc, so it needed clearing up - in dress, heels etc! - and when I was ready the neighbours kids were playing outside. AAARRRGGGHHH. Would have been the first time for me.

I may take the plunge and get rid of the beard. Don't know.

Vikky


Vikky

[AlissaMurray]

I don't really want to be seen as a man in a dress either, but at the same time I am NOT looking to attract men so there is a real catch 22 there.

[Mickitv]

I love dressing and feeling feminine. I even feel the same when I am just wearing panties and bra under my male clothes. I just do what makes me happy.

[atxpantyboy]

I'm another one who is pretty comfortable being seen as a guy wearing women's clothes, painted toenails, lotion/perfume, etc. I have gotten completely dressed w/makeup and wig before and I did enjoy it and was very passable. If I met a girl who was really into it and encouraged it further, I'd probably do it some more. I have in the past, and it was fun letting her take control and dress me up. But for my own needs, just expressing my feminine side in semi-subtle ways while still being a guy seems to satisfy me.

[Teresa]

Alissa,
If you're not interested in guys you won't attract them, I'm not interested and so far it hasn't been a problem , and that's going out socially, OK I have had a couple of pecks on the cheek , one guy was the worse for wear and kissed everyone and the other was a touching thankyou.

[Diane Taylor]

Sounds like a one way street here. Your wife won't dress in girly things and she wants you to keep your facial hair. Maybe a compromise would work . Shave the facial hair but tell her you're willing to grow it back if she dresses in a more feminine way. Then after a couple of months or so, she could go back to jeans and you would grow your facial hair back. Switch back and forth and that way you both get what you want even if it is temporary.

[jennifer0918]

I like the full makeover,makeup,legs waxed,and face shaved.At work and from my wife I get a lot of drama though.With this said a man in drag does not fit for me ,when I used to dress in my home I would get fully dressed with facial hair.Now that I have been out in public I prefer to try to pass as a woman even if it's for a second before I get clocked.The way I see it I picked Jennifer as my name if I wanted to drag I would of picked a drag name like Extravaganza Eleganza, this is my opinion about me only, and I do not mean to offend anyone please,we are all one community.

[Tracii G]

Diane's idea in post #12 might work.
I never want to be a man in a dress when I go 100% girl mode because to me its more than just the clothes.
Facial hair can grow back so shave it.Its not that big a deal.

[NicoleScott]

It may he a gross generalization, but my observation is that women are far more open and likely to change on a whim their hair. makeup, clothing style, etc. than men. One day straight hair and curly the next, clear lip gloss then intense color, short skirt then long, high heels then flats, dress then pants, etc. Of course, these are temporary, one day to the next. But even changing hair color, length, or style seems easier for women. For me, guys i knew, and some forum members here, shaving facial hair is a big deal. We seem to agonize over the decision. I wonder if crossdressers agonize over it more than non-crossdressing men.
When I finally shaved my facial hair long ago, I did it to allow me to transform into (as best I could) the image of a woman IN THE MIRROR, not for going out. Eventually and much later I did go out but that's not why I shaved. In other words, I did it to achieve the look I wanted for myself to see.

[Tracii G]

Exactly Nicole.
I had a beard or mustache from the time I was 17 until 40 something and it was a huge deal to shave it off.
I did shave it to enhance my female appearance true but being rid of the facial hair was awesome.
No plans on ever growing it back.
I have to add who wears the pants in the family you or your wife?
Have you discussed the way she dresses? My guess is no because you know she would get mad.
If you want to shave it off do so because she dresses the way she wants to without concern how you feel.
Having facial hair is your choice not hers.

[docrobbysherry]

Allisa, most of us accept seeing ourselves as appearing to be men in dresses. And, that many people see us that way when out.

I am NOT satisfied seeing a man in a dress in my mirror so, I don't. Even when I'm wearing a beard and stach.

But, I can't wear masks out. And, after 8 years of going out in public, I'm still trying to get used to being seen as a man in a dress when out.

[AlissaMurray]

Yes I am out to my wife. I would say she is "neutral" on the whole thing. She loves me, in a dress or in jeans she don't care much either way. She buy's me things here and there and has no issue walking around Goodwill or Walmart or Sears or any place like that looking for things that "Alissa" would like. So I am pretty lucky with all of that. My heart truly goes out to those who are in a DADT situation with their SO's, that truly has to SUCK. With that being said, even though she will "go with it" I won't say I think she likes it. It would be just fine with her if I never dressed again and in many ways that bums me out. I wish she would get more into it knowing how much it means to me, but I will take what I can get. I dress at home a lot. I work nights and as soon as I arrive home in the morning I dump the jeans and work shirt for a bra, top and a skirt "with tights because of the cooler weather" and that is how I spend my day. I go to bed in a long nylon nighty, panties and a unpadded bra that just kinda holds me snug. I love it, I don't know how else to put it. I guess I kind of treat my body as if I were some sort of princess, never really thought about it like that before but it makes good sense. Life is so short, I see no harm in doing and wearing things that make me feel special. I recently finally figured out how to tuck, I had read a lot on the subject but things just were not working right but the other day BAM there it is, or isnt... It's awesome actually. Opens a lot more options with things I can wear and look good in.

Honestly, I know to further explore "Alissa" the goatee has to go. I guess as far as guy mode goes though, I really prefer the stash. I know I am going to be back and fourth on this for a while. The older I get the more "Alissa" want's out and I know the time will come when she will not be denied...

[~Joanne~]

I will agree with every one that said if you want to shave it off, shave it off. I am pretty sure that no matter what your situation is or who you are with, the other doesn't ask your permission to do whatever they want to their person whether it's shaving, not shaving, tats, piercings, whatever..... so why would you?

The same could be said about your clothing choices also. If your out shopping with your SO and she sees a shirt in the men's department, she goes and gets it. She doesn't ask permission or what you think (well, maybe about the design on it) about it so why should you when you see something in the women's section you want?

We have way too many double standards in the world and it's because while one can and will the other won't and doesn't make a stand about it.

[ClosetED]

I had a mustache for 30 years and shaved it off on April Fools day about 7-8 yrs ago. Wife did not notice that AM. Now she like a 2 day stubble, so I give her that usually 4/7 days of the week and shave clean the others, when I have an opportunity to dress. I think the professional makeover and pictures is the quickest and best way to know what can be achieved and will likely amaze you. Then decide on the balance-once a week, month, quarter
Hugs, Ellen

[kimdl93]

Quite a different choice depending on how you see yourself and how you wish to be seen. I can't do the guy in a dress mode....I need to be all in, 100% female in presentation, even if I'm easily read.

You're needs are different and that's fine. I admire the guts it takes to be precisely yourself, whoever you are.

[Nicole90]

I have to say I feel similar. I don't necessarily need to be passable. Just enough so I'm not just a guy in a dress. I have the need to get fully dressed and go out. So you are not alone. I say you have to try it at least once

[Sarah Louise]

I don't think many women would be happy if a man dictated how they dress and do their hair. By all means a man can have an opinion, but at the end of the day it should be the woman's choice. So why should your wife dictate that you have a beard? If you want to shave it off, shave it off. Just say you fancied a change and were fed up with it. You can always grow it back again.

For me, dressing is all about trying to look as feminine as I can so facial hair is a non-starter. Each to their own though!

[Becky Blue]

Alissa, a few comments, I can only speak for myself. After 30 years of very occasional CDing, at age 40 I suddenly felt very strong urges to dress and almost overnight I went from feeling I was a guy to feeling I was more a woman than a man inside. My first makeover about a month after I started feeling like this was a game changer. To see myself as a woman properly was indescribably amazing and that moment confirmed my feelings. I stared at that mirror for ages as my eyes drank in what they were seeing and my brain said this is me.

When I dress I have to feel feminine as well as look it, so I am not even happy if I have any body hair at all never mind facial hair. Alas sometimes its not practical for me to be smooth allover, but I don't feel right unless I am. It seems to me that your heading down the path of needing more.

As regards to your comment about attracting men, when I go out I am like 99% of women I dress my best for myself and if anything its to impress women. As by far the majority of us on here are not attracted to guys, thats really a non issue.

[LaurenDeHart]

I agree with Ellen. I have a pro makeover/transformation/photoshoot appointment in a couple of weeks. If she cannot achieve the look I desire I certainly cannot. Keep-in-mind that there are various factors in play first of which are my age and how I wish to be perceived. Someone in another post used the word "blendable". I would be very happy to be blendable, not necessarily passable.

My SO and I agree. Do it at least once. If you have access, give a pro a try to discover the possibilities. My ultimate goal is to make my SO comfortable with my look in public settings. I have so much to learn before that happens.

Bottom line, if the photoshoot demonstrates possibilities I will post some pics for feedback. I would be nervous about it as this would be step 2 in my coming out plan so it is significant to me, but baby steps and all that

Lauren