R u a woman? Or, do u wish to be one?

[RachelsMantra]

Growing up I never felt like a woman but I always crossdressed and never knew why. For years I thought I was "just" a crossdresser, just a man who liked to dress in women's clothes. Now I realize I'm neither 100% male nor 100% female, but likely bigender of some kind. I'm definitely on the transgender spectrum. I identify as a male and as a female, or some blend of both, or neither. In an ideal world I would transition to live fulltime as a woman but I don't think I would get HRT or SRS. I only want to get rid of my beard, and maybe get some breasts (or not, Im pretty happy being a flat chested mtf but Ive always wondered what it's like to actually have breasts). The idea of being a hybrid of male and female intrigues me. I dont want to undergo voice training - I like talking in my normal voice, maybe dropping out the deepest register though.

To answer the question, I feel like I am partially a woman who wishes to be more of a woman but not transition fully.

[sometimes_miss]

I never asked myself that question when I began dressing at age 50+ because it was pointless.

^as above. Since about 4th grade or so, I've always felt as if I was really female, but stuck as a boy, especially one that was attracted to girls, there really wasn't any valid option (this was back in the 60's and 70's). By high school, the damage was done. I would always feel like I was supposed to be a girl, even though it didn't quite fit with the rest of what was going on in my mind. So by the time I got out of school, I figured I had to live with what I was, and learn all over how to be a 'standard issue male', and behave like one, so that no one would ever know about all the feminine feelings that were going on inside my head. After all, what good would it do? None at all, TS back then were even more of a pariah than today, and life was hard enough; isolated as a kid, no girlfriends growing up, or even in early adulthood. I had read about Christine Jorgenson, but that would have cost money and resources that I simply didn't have.
If I could go back in time and had the option to transition before age 13, yes, I'd do it. After all, that's what I had expected to happen all along. I'm not saying that going through those years as a TS girl would be easier, but it would at least have felt normal to me, and I might have at least had a female friend instead of being alone all the time. As it is, I've been acting the part of a normal male to the rest of the world now for over 40 years. I've been doing it so long that it's no more difficult than walking, everything is second nature. But it will never be 'me'.
Would I want to become a woman now? And be an old, homely, ugly woman? Exactly how would that change anything? I'm already an old, homely, ugly man. The vast majority of my life will be pretty much the same either way. The one difference I do know? As old age approaches, women are more likely to become incontinent of urine, and men find it more and more difficult to urinate, to the point of spending many minutes before we can pee, and even then, the stream is no longer strong enough to write our names in the snow.
So to paraphrase the Bard, "To pee or not to pee. that is the question". Hope that provided a laugh to some of you.
And so happy for the invention of Flomax.

So the real answer to the question would be, sure, if the wish includes going back to age 13. For lots of us, all we have left is dreams.

[Madeleine Quinn]

I am not, and have never wanted to be, a woman. The best that I can explain my interest in crossdressing as follows: I find it fun (lots of fun, actually!) to feel pretty, and I think our society does everyone a huge disservice in reinforcing the message that feeling pretty is something that is/should be only for girls or women. There's no good reason that the joy of feeling pretty should be off limits to boys and men, just as there's been no good reason that pursuits that have traditionally been considered exclusively male should be off limits to girls and women.

So, no, I don't want to be a woman. What I want is a society in which the joys that I get from crossdressing aren't considered to be exclusively female in the first place. Even for adults, partaking in activities associated with the "wrong" gender can very quickly and easily get someone labeled a freak; it might even be met with angry and violent responses. Adults, though, at the very least, can take some critical perspective on gender expectations and decide for themselves whether they want to conform to them or subvert or ignore them. Of course, adults who have a desire to engage in pursuits that are outside the norms for our gender do still have all of the messages we were fed as kids lurking in our brains, so there's definitely a lot of variation between adults regarding how well those critical faculties function or how willing different people are to actually use them. Kids, by far, get the worst of it, though: they get the same terrible messages about what's "for boys" and what's "for girls" that we adults do, but for the most part, children don't have the life experience or critical faculties to be able to figure out which messages from society should be worth listening to and which ones shouldn't.

So, I don't know where exactly that puts me. As much as I do enjoy feeling pretty, I can function in society while presenting as a gender that's completely continuous with my biological sex, without discomfort or any feelings that I'm denying any part of who I truly am by doing so. And I know that folks who are trans or who experience gender dysphoria, because they don't have that privilege, go through life with a very different set of experiences and challenges than I do. At the same time, I do think that there's a biological component to gender (i.e., that a significant part of what goes into classifying a person as one gender or another is the social stuff I described above, but that biology plays a role as well, even over and above just determining which reproductive organs a person has), so I wouldn't really classify myself as a full-on gender abolitionist, either. "Genderqueer" maybe works, but only because it is, by design, sort of a catchall term. So, genderqueer advocate for the abolition of stigmatization on the basis of gender (GQAFASBG?)—it's not like the various permutations of the LGBT*QIA... abbreviation are long enough already!

[Melissa_Rose]

I learned I was this way in my early teens, now almost 35 yrs later I realize its not about the cloths, it is about being me. If I was given the chance to go back and do it all over, I would prefer to transition into a female than live the life that was laid out for me. I followed the norms of society because I thought that was the "right" thing to do. At this age how do I make society realize that it is now time for me to do what is right for me.

I agree with Erica.. I have come to experience regret for what might have been. And at times see no hope in salvaging or experiencing things I feel I needed to..
Melissa

[LilSissyStevie]

There was a time I wished I was born a girl but now I realize that, as a male, the world is my urinal. I wouldn't want to give that up.

[LaurenNZ]

sandy wrote:
And I crossdress. For brief moments I am able to be someone and something that is exactly like the ideal vision I have of womanhood - the vision I would be. I become my dream.

And I love it.

Sandie says it for me. For me it is a form of escapism into a wonderful world where I am able to be the lady I want to be for whatever length of time is available. I try to portray a 'classy' persona and not one that could be worn 24/7, so, in reality, my 'mans world' is the most defining.

[renaej7]

I am happy being a male but do wish to appear more feminine. I have even thought about having fat replacement surgery to give my hips/butt more of a feminine curve. Nothing outrageous. I've done the shapers and pads but I prefer to shed them if I could. I have also tried working out those areas but that haven't given me the results I desire. If I was younger, I definitely would wanted to be a woman FT.

[Lorileah]

Young children that felt they were females inside male bodies should undergo conversion therapy rite away. While the ones that said they WANTED to become females should have therapy delayed until neared or after, puberty. To see how they felt on those later years.

semantic BS wrapped in misunderstanding exactly what words mean.

Children think they are cowboys...so they should be cowboys? The difference between Feel like, want to and believe at a young age is zero. If that is his criteria I hope he feels like actually becoming a compassionate medical person so he can do it immediately and not wait until he grows up. There is no difference in a child's mind over wanting to be something and feeling like they are something. People here who are much older than adolescent use different words to convey the same meaning.

I call BS on this.

[flatlander_48]

While I discovered women's undergarments and shoes at a young age, 8-10, I have no recollection of feeling that I was female or should be female. There has always been an erotic quality to my liking of feminine things, that is greatly reduced these days. I think I just enjoy the idea of allowing this other facet of me to be seen. I will admit that it would be interesting to live as a female for an extended period, I doubt if I would ever think that it should be a full-time and permanent thing. I've never really been unhappy that I'm a male. I consider myself to just be a combination of male and female attributes.

Regarding the theory as originally presented, I would have to wonder about it. I understand how it is supposed to work, but children are very susceptible to suggestion. I don't see how the process would be very accurate.

DeeAnn

[docrobbysherry]

semantic BS wrapped in misunderstanding exactly what words mean.

Children think they are cowboys...so they should be cowboys? The difference between Feel like, want to and believe at a young age is zero. If that is his criteria I hope he feels like actually becoming a compassionate medical person so he can do it immediately and not wait until he grows up. There is no difference in a child's mind over wanting to be something and feeling like they are something. People here who are much older than adolescent use different words to convey the same meaning.

I call BS on this.

I'm surprised no one else did that before your post, Lorileah. Maybe because they just ran with whatever their own circumstances were instead of trying to understand the difference as he postulated it? This was only one doctor's opinion. Others in the article strongly disagreed with him. Saying conversion therapy shouldn't ever be performed on young children.

I was struck by the simplicity of his formula. And, wondered if some here could apply it to themselves? When they did it became COMPLICATED! With not a word about whether the OP had any merit until your post. Thank u!

[lostinmyworldcd]

I beleive a person has no control of what they like (male or female) ..... Attraction is something that must be hardwired into our DNA .......

I guess how we each choose to deal with that , is the whole trick to life ......

I think I would like to live as a woman ......

But , I'm attracted to BBW , chubby women ........ go figure ..... lol

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

Scotti,

I truly believe it is not that simple... We humans are a very complex bunch. Our experiences shape us, and then in turn we shape our experiences. Sometimes, to change a bad experience into a good one (or vice versa), all it takes is a new perspective; a new belief about that situation... I have had horrendous experiences become life-altering revelations because of that. I have had glorious new experiences become dirty, shameful acts in the same way...

Attraction is a mental thing, not physical.

Then that comes dangerously close to suggesting that it is a choice; and it isn't...

DeeAnn

DeeAnn,

There are scads of mental processes that are no more a "choice" than breathing, or a heartbeat, and yet they are still "mental" processes. Sometimes, these processes are impossible to remove, but nothing is resistant to change... Sometimes the only change possible is acceptance. If attraction were purely physical then penises would be drawn to vaginas and vice versa. It is not that simple, and I surely never meant to imply that it was. I am the sum of my experiences and I am trying to come to terms with my self (be he male or be she female, or even something in-between).

There is always a choice. Sometimes the choice is "accept or die". Sometimes the way to acceptance is changing one's perspective... I am NY NO MEANS saying that people can choose to be "not gay" or "not female" or "not human" or even the converse of these... But you can choose how you deal with being "gay" or "female" or "human"... You can deny yourself, and become a bitter and destructive being; or you can accept that aspect of yourself and create a new life, a new world.

People are very, very, very complex and complicated creatures. We alone of the animal kingdom can process our world in the way we do, to alter it around us so drastically...

Anyone who claims to be in full control of their mental processes is either lying or the next evolution of humanity... I certainly do not claim either...

ShayLeigh Dominique
What she said. That just freaking nails it.

Thanks, OCCarly!

[lostinmyworldcd]

Shayleigh

I see your point ..... I can and have seen experiences influence our growth process ......

But sometimes things are really that simple , not in every situation though ......

There are just some things people like ..... no reason .....

I'm not saying some people have not been influenced by their surroundings to grow up and like /dislike certain things .....

I'm saying I beleive there are just some things , deep inside , that we never had any control over .....

[flatlander_48]

Attraction is a mental thing, not physical.

Then that comes dangerously close to suggesting that it is a choice; and it isn't...

DeeAnn

[Pat]

Did we just pass through a wormhole? It looks for all the world like post #62 is quoting post #64...

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

Believe me when I say I have spent more time than is healthy thinking about thing like this... I have my own experiences, my own "why do I like this and not that" issues to deal with. I may not be able to change what it is deep at my core (I agree it is impossible to do so) but I can change how I let it inform my life, shape my future.

My main issue is determining exactly what is at my core...

Did we just pass through a wormhole? It looks for all the world like post #62 is quoting post #64...

Jennie,
I try to consolidate posts, so the Mods don't have to do it for me.

[flatlander_48]

SD:

Being a bisexual, I'm fully conversant with the how sexuality and attraction works. What you wrote left the door open, so thank you for the clarification. And yes, I agree that one can choose to live an authentic life or not. Unfortunately, the not tends to create many problems that do not just go away. It is analogous to a pressure cooker..With continued application of heat and no presssure release, explosion is a distinct possibility.

DeeAnn

[Robyn2006]

Great topic question, often passed over. I know many here are male who wish to be female, to enter into another world for time to time enjoyment (slam coming, I know), but for many, myself included, there was a day in our youth when we awoke and finally realized that those things inside were far from the expectations of the world around us. We are the T in LGBT. For some, mostly the younger among us, transition is a going possibility. But for those of us a bit late in the game, our lives have been cast. Transition is near impossible, but for winning a million dollar lottery. Our careers are set and our lives have become our profession. For some, transition is still possible, but for many (again, myself included), to transition would mean to lose our income. Easy answers, offered kindly though they be, no one knows the intricacies and responsibilities of another's life.

Boy, that was a depressing post. Sorry!

[Suzanne F]

I am a woman. However, I fought it for over 40 years. I am in the process of transitioning.
Suzanne

[Jenniferpl]

Back in second grade I would often look at girls in class and want to be just like them. There is a strong willed women within me. Living with both has been challenging.

Life is complicated and to transition would have driven away most of the people that I am close, not the mention the niece and nephews that I have influenced.

[jazmine]

If I somehow had a choice before I was born, yeah, ...without a doubt. Girl please.
I've always considered my essence, soul/spirit ..er whatever, to be female.
Ironically, I've never had an interest in Sex Reassignment Surgery, or the desire to appear as female 24/7.
I like my guyside a whole lot, and not only feel comfortable in it, but comfortable with the world seeing me as such.
Guess I'm just a female having a male experience.....

[CherylFlint]

There’s no doubt I should’ve been born a girl, but I wasn’t, but I still get to dress-up as one, which is as close as I’m going to get.
And I’m having a lot of fun dressing.