If a picture is worth a thousand words; what does your's say about you?

[Tone]

This is Wilma, talking to you from Tone's computer. I saw this thread and I was thinking my pictures are what I feel, sometime sexy and sometime 49 and aging. Here are a couple picts Tone took of me yesterday. I felt sexy!!!!!
LOL Wilma

[Ophelia D'Void]

Wow, really liking the new look there Wilma! Give Tone a big hug from me will ya?

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I guess, as a GG and the partner of a TG, that I sometimes have a difficult time understanding exactly what a TG is trying to communicate with their image. Sometimes TG's post sexy, trampy, trashy pictures but then say they want to be perceived as not ****ty. So, to me, that's incongruent with what they post. Also, sometimes TG's seem to be caught up in more of the superficial aspects of what may comprise a woman and less interested in the aspects of substance.

You raise a fair point. I think a number of CDs/TGs are in effect teenage girls, especially those who don't get to let their femme self out much. So much like teenage girls who are so caught up in their budding womanhood, there's too much make-up, skirts that are a bit too high and a bit too tight, etc. And because so many of us dress in isolation there's no parents to say "you're not going out like that," nor the fear of social reprecussions that cause most GGs to tone things down over time. Even for those who go out to support groups, those groups typically are a bit too supportive. They're not going to tell you that no one in their 50s -- with the exception of Tina Turner -- should be wearing a mini skirt out to dinner.

I do think there's a big change that occurs for those of us who go out in public. I don't mean this in the sense that I'm higher in the "TG hierarchy," nor that I'm passable and others aren't. I'm 5'10" with broad shoulders and a barrel chest, so I'm not exactly a petite gal and I'm frankly surprised that I blend as well as I do. I think a big reason I do blend is that before I went out, I worked hard on getting hair, clothes and make-up that look like what a typical GW would wear. (It's really not hard, on another forum in less than a week we were able to help one girl go from literally having people point and snicker at her, to blend in and only getting read once in a while.) Going out is definitely a reality check.

Many of us also are probably acting out an idealized version of what being a GW is like. (If you want to be less charitable, you could call it a fantasy version.) Cramps, bloating, the "second shift" at home, lower pay aren't part of that. I'm not sure we're acting like the GWs we'd like to date, but some of us definitely are acting out "girls just wanna have fun." In a sense it's telling we refer to ourselves as "girls" not "women." It's quite similar to the "boi" CDs within the lesbian community. Men have familes to feed and mortgages to pay, these "bois" dress and act like teenagers.

Then again, there's also superficial GWs as well.... As transman Raven Kaldera, who's written some great essays (see http://www.cauldronfarm.com/writing/activist.html), said: "For every one of these stereotypes being performed by men, I've met the same ones being performed by women, and in larger numbers. I've met the biologically female version of every one of these caricatures, and I'm sure that the women who complain about the guys in dresses probably have, too."

Darla

[emmicd]

I want my picture to reveal the side of me that not many people see, my femme side. I would then like to put it in an album next to my male counterpart picture and have it readily available to show my wife and people closest to me if ever one day I felt the need to show my femme side without having to be dressed in person.

Emmi

[TrueGemini'sWife GG]

Hmm, how do I answer this...

On the one hand, I pick my pictures to show how I feel inside. Kinda dark, kinda playful, and just plain weird. I can't say that I've ever really fit in with any particular group, and even the friends I hang out with our oddballs and misfits, not belonging to any particular crowd or clique, musically or otherwise. Just a group of the loose ends of society in some ways.

I get the impression that my avatar shows some poser ditz, yet at the same time here I am thinking "gee, I wonder if anyone reads my posts". Going for "free thinker that's not too hard on the eyes and knows how to party", but probably ending up as "goth wannabe who thinks he's a know it all".

I'm not sure how it plays in for alot of members, but many times I get the impression that crossdressing is an intrinsically selfish act. For whatever reason, alot of guys feel like they give attention to others, but don't know how to get it for themselves. As a result "dressing with style" is a way in which certain guys get it for themselves, either from themselves or through their community.

Many times an avatar portrays what they desire, what they look for or what they happen to find beautiful. In many ways it is not a realistic portrayal of women, but rather is an ideal.

Women dress in many ways for themselves, for society, for the opposite sex, for comfort, for fashion, in response to many many different variables. Everything has baggage with it, be it minor (oops, white after Labor Day), or major (in the past defense attorneys have used the argument in rape trials that the victim was dressed in such a way as to compel men to rape her.... bah, such bullshit but it's there). Women dress as an expression of individuality, style, background, music, mood etc.

CD's on the other hand dress according to how a guy would dress a girl, without necessarily knowing social implications of short dresses (ya, I'll be the first to admit that I really need to get a skirt that goes below my thigh), the fashion faux pas', and many other things. Dressing is a skill, some start out better, some worse, but in the end it's all about practice, and the more it's done the better it becomes.

If dressing is like art, then many of us are like kids using crayons to try to recreate a Rembrandt. We may never get there, but we try and we get closer ever time we try. However, the values behind the CD are always there, so there may be a conflict between what is shown in an avatar and who the person is.

Hmm, come to think of it, I have no idea what I'm trying to say in my avatar. I guess I'm trying to show someone who is a bit outside the norm... someone who isn't quite beautiful, but aspires... with a touch of artistry and a love of things out of the ordinary?

Not sure if I answered anyone's question, but that's that. By the way, great to see you back Amelie... we lost a fellow soldja when you left....

Perplexedly yours,
O

You haven't any idea just how well you answered. Thank you so much for being so open and honest and as far as your picture's? You look just beautiful. Really. Just ask your Lady. I already commented on you to her.
I am not sure just where Kew is right now, but I do know as soon as she gets back to this thread, she will be just as I am now. Smiling and much more informed.

Going on to read the rest posted here. I cannot wait. I LOVE to be educated
LOL!

[TrueGemini'sWife GG]

Just went to read the rest of the responses and have to say I am totally floored!
I, as Kew, (I see now, she is around) will be back to respond in a more individual manner to all whom replied. Thank you all for your honesty and for not only looking deep inside, but for having the courage to share it with us all, too!

HUGE
To each and every one of you! You see why I am soooooooo CD friendly???
LOL!!!

[Jen_TGCD]

You raise a fair point. I think a number of CDs/TGs are in effect teenage girls, especially those who don't get to let their femme self out much. So much like teenage girls who are so caught up in their budding womanhood, there's too much make-up, skirts that are a bit too high and a bit too tight, etc. And because so many of us dress in isolation there's no parents to say "you're not going out like that," nor the fear of social reprecussions that cause most GGs to tone things down over time. Even for those who go out to support groups, those groups typically are a bit too supportive. They're not going to tell you that no one in their 50s -- with the exception of Tina Turner -- should be wearing a mini skirt out to dinner.<snip>

Many of us also are probably acting out an idealized version of what being a GW is like. (If you want to be less charitable, you could call it a fantasy version.) Cramps, bloating, the "second shift" at home, lower pay aren't part of that. I'm not sure we're acting like the GWs we'd like to date, but some of us definitely are acting out "girls just wanna have fun." In a sense it's telling we refer to ourselves as "girls" not "women." It's quite similar to the "boi" CDs within the lesbian community. Men have familes to feed and mortgages to pay, these "bois" dress and act like teenagers.

<snip> "For every one of these stereotypes being performed by men, I've met the same ones being performed by women, and in larger numbers. I've met the biologically female version of every one of these caricatures, and I'm sure that the women who complain about the guys in dresses probably have, too."

Darla

I just love you California gals... girls... whatever!!!

Darla's post says it all for me, too, and Ophilia's post was so astonishingly perceptive that when I finished reading it... all I could think of was "WOW"!!! Amelie always has a wonderful "grassroots" version that I enjoy!

Again... [size=4]WOW ! ! ! ! ! ![/size]

[Jenny Beth]

Great post Darla. One thing you mentioned that really caught my attention was that going out was a reality check, how true that is. While I have never had anything bad happen it has given me a tiny glimpse of what women have to deal with all the time. Places I wouldn't bat an eyelash at going as a male are places women avoid. Once my wife and I were crossing an intersection and got cat calls from a bunch of yahoos in a passing car. At the time I thought is was good that I had passed but on the other hand I knew what their thoughts were and how demeaning it was for my wife. As I explore this side of me what I notice more and more is how women are treated by males. I don't watch TV shows or movies that depict vilolence against women. I have no idea how much of me is female, if any, but I know I don't like being male. I always have the feeling we are all tarred with the same brush. So I have to say if my pictures say anything it's that for a while at least I'm not part of the boys club.

[Rachel Ann]

There are a few issues that have been relatively constant for me: safety; pregnancy; being a Mom.

Stephanie, you seem to have some sort of direct pipeline to my soul.

SAFETY

Safety became an immediate issue for me the first time I stepped out en femme. … No guy, unless clearly armed, is immune from attack from a gang. … Since then I'm far more sensitive to safety issues for women.

Yes, quite. I don’t like to go out en femme after dark unless accompanied by another TG or GG, and I think that is true for many GGs as well. Consciousness of where you have parked and where you are going is a big deal. Also, I think that Mace and a rape whistle are not bad ideas.

I have done a lot of “guy-dangerous” things, such as working rock concert security. You know what? It all depends on having people at your back!

I have been raped, but it just isn’t as damaging to man as it is to a woman – especially psychically.

PREGNANCY

From puberty, guys have it in their makeup to make a girl pregnant every 5 minutes. By age 80, that probably drops to once every 10 minutes.

Well, I’m 60 and it’s been years – but that has a lot to do with the dreadful cocktail of medications that I’m on.

On the other hand, despite given all of the pain and difficulty surrounding fertility for women, many want to have children more than anything. I can (sort of) understand this. The concept of being able to give and nurture life is thrilling. I have had the chance to save a couple of lives, but that’s nowhere near being able to give life.

I once did a meditation project with a (female) spiritual advisor that involved a symbolic pregnancy culminating in the birth of my new self. We only had four months, but it was a tremendous and wonderful experience.

In concert with this is the menstrual cycle - ovulation, the period, PMS, et al - that occurs every 28 days or so. While mostly invisible to men, women deal with this constantly from puberty to menopause.

Another huge one. I think that, because women bleed and sometimes breed, they are just closer to life than men are. (I have known more than one woman who actually liked her period!)

Another theory (risking brickbats from GGs): Having had “major depression” for most of my life, I have noticed this in my many conversations with others so afflicted: Women are conditioned from puberty to expect their emotions to change cyclically, over time, so are better able to cope with emotional extremes than men are. After all, it will be different later, right? On the other hand, a man confronted with a new emotional state has no way of knowing that it won’t be like that forever.

BEING A MOM

I don't know how to express this one, but I so wanted to be pregnant with Alice our daughter. I want even today to be her Mom. That's not going to happen. It doesn't matter.

You never know, you just might be her Mom, and on some internal level she might just know that. I remember wishing that I could breast feed my son as my wife did!

My son is now grown, but at least I was more than a “weekend uncle daddy”. We are very close, and he has never had trouble expressing love and affection towards me (at least since middle school).

And, I now have a 3 yo step-granddaughter to play with.

I would loved to have had the chance to be a Mom, and would take it were it ever offered to me! Even knowing about the hard parts.

CONCLUSION

Biologically I'm a male. Genderwise I don't know what I am, but I'm not completely male. The issues of safety for women, pregnancy, and being a Mom are a part of me.

[size=2]You once said a very wise thing, Stephanie: that without both our male and female personalities, we are not whole persons. I think that your gender is firmly rooted in both sexes. I’m still trying to get there.[/size]

Lots and lots of warm huggles

Rachel xx

p.s. To hell with sex. What I really want in life is affection, lots of it. And that is something that girls are especially good at giving and sharing.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Thanks, Jen and Jenny *blush*

I think the question was posed earlier about learning to understand women better as opposed to just learning to dress like one.

To a certain degree, I'll always be a guy in a dress. The best way to describe this is by analogy. Imagine I'm convinced I'm really French. (I might've actually been born French and then brought to the U.S. as an infant and raised American.) Well I can move to France, learn French well enough to not have a trace of an accent, and in general assimilate so well that I'm mistaken for a native. But I'll never really be 100% French -- there's just too many experiences growing up that I missed out on. A number of TSs seem to problems accepting this. (Note: I'm _not_ calling them less than women, just saying they're kind of analygous to a GW who was raised in an all-male environment until she was 18.)

That said, being out in public as a woman has taught me more than a few things. As others have mentioned, it's one thing to be intellectually aware of the safety concerns of women, it's another to worry about the dark alley up ahead and wondering if I can run in heels if I need to. I've been hit on by loutish guys who don't seem to understand the concept of "I'm not interested." Wearing clothes that skim your body has made realize why women are so self-conscious about their bodies. I've put my photo on Hot-or-Not and known what it's like to have people look down on me because they think I'm fat. And to get girly for a minute -- I now realize why you need a dozen pairs of shoes (and those are just the black ones).

But seriously, Darla is to some extent a character that I've created. Part of her is me. If various personality tests are to be believed, I've got a fairly androgynous personality and CDing allows me to release/nuture some of the more "feminine" aspects of my personality. As Darla, I'm probably more sensitive to other's feelings, more caring. But I've also consciously channeled my CD urges to explore/expand parts of my personality that I want to develop. For example, Darla is more of the social extrovert than my guy-self.

Anyway, I make no claim to fully understand women, but I think CDing has helped me understand some aspects of what's like to be a woman.

Darla

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Getting lots of responses, questions, frustration, confusion, etc. from this thread.

Found this interesting article, thought I'd throw it into the soup. I'd be interested in having ppl read the sections on body language, facial expression, speech patterns and behavior. Comments? Reactions?

http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2052/genddiff.html

[Ellaine]

YES! Of course.

BS! If it wasn't, you wouldn't post them I don't think. Now, DO NOT FAIL to understand what I say here. So maybe you are confident of who you are and am proud of your pictures. However, I would not believe one soul here who says they don't care what other's think. Seriously, give me a break. TG's/CD's are some of the most sensitive ppl I have ever met in my entire life and are quite affected by the words, thoughts and opinions of others.

BS!?..BS!?...That's a bit much!!!

Wrong! I post my photo in the knowledge that in some way, folks will "categorise" me..."Old boiler", "Classy" "Dog Rough" "Hot" "My Age" etc....So I really do not care what folks think of how I look in the photo. I have picked it as a fair representation, and a snapshot of who is posting.
When I go out;that's when I care what I look like. When I'm indoors with Misty, my Wife of 30+ yrs, When I'm, on the webcam, that's when I care.
Let's keep it real.




Ellxx


p.s. Having looked agin at the avatar I've used, (and I have plenty..) I am sure I used that one because I like to get my "sceptical, but with a sense of humour" characteristics across. That is more important to me, they are real. Or is that the kind of "what I look like" that you meant ?

[Ellaine]

Anyway, I make no claim to fully understand women, but I think CDing has helped me understand some aspects of what's like to be a woman.

Darla

Hi Darla... That whole post was so me, and so well written!
Nail on the head stuff!

[Ellaine]

Don't need a thousand words to say...Past me best... lol

[Ayla GG]

Hey Kewt,

How much of you is interested in female issues, female ways of thinking, female ways of being, female? What beyond the pictures? Again an exercise in self-reflection and introspection.

I'm probably rambling here...but I feel like sharing...

For us GGs communicating, being introspective & sharing our insights/ ideas/ feelings is our way to bond/ get closer/ get to know somebody better. But I know sometimes it's hard for some people to be introspective & expressive due to personality--introvert v.s. extrovert or the way they were brought up/ cultural aspect, comfort level depending who they are talking to, etc. It's not because they don't want to, sometimes they don't know how to convey it. I think that sometimes it's hard for CDs to be introspective/ reflective to their SO caused by years of repression/denial that they aren't completely in touch with themselves yet or haven't come in tp terms with it. Also, there is that fear of rejection involved. I think when self acceptance & self understanding is lacking then we won't be able to convey what we're about/ make people around accept us. I can see how it can be difficult for some GGs who has to deal with a secretive SO, or an SO who has a hard time communicating.

In regards to my relationship with Ophelia, being introspective & open communication are essential--I'm constantly picking on her poor brain Ophelia & I often discuss personal growth, the how-why-what different aspect of our lives. I know it's not always the easiest thing for O to express herself or answer my questions but she TRIES ( EFFORT is always a good thing) & she never gets offended/ defensive in our dialogue. ( I'm sure sometimes Ophelia would rather zone out & watch TV than answer/listen to my questions )

I appreciate the fact that she is willing to listen to my point of view as a GG & an SO, we share our insights in life, relationship, CDing, men-women, etc. I think my SO is interested in not just dressing like a female but she is also trying to understand female ways & mind as well. In fact, O is more introspective in the CDing aspect than other aspects in her life. My favorite time of the day is when we just lounge around & yep...you guess it...our own Oprah-Dr. Phil session!!!

By the way....Dragon Lotus...

I think Ophelia is the hottest thing since my steering wheel at high noon today.

I agree whole heartedly & she's mine

P.S. Ophelia quit being a ham, Andi-amo...XXX

[Ellaine]

I agree whole heartedly & she's mine

AAwww that's lovely

[jenniferluv]

Why, darling, would I care what other people think of my picture? I like it. I think I look good. I don't intend to hold myself up before the world for their opinions, scrutiny, criticizems, or tart remarks. So there is no need for me to try to please others who wish to gaze at my photo. I'm me and I like me, what others think is what they think....could I change that with a pic? me thinks not!

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi Rachel Ann!

Thank you. *BIG WARM HUGGLES*

[Toyah]

Fair question; isn't it? Just curious. Lots of you TGrrlz post tons of pictures. So what are your pictures saying of you? What do you want them to say? Do they truly reflect what is on the INSIDE?

Dunno about lots of pics, what do they say, this is my other self, is it ok to be like this.
It reflects part of me probably only a small part

[Ophelia D'Void]

By the way....Dragon Lotus...



I agree whole heartedly & she's mine

P.S. Ophelia quit being a ham, Andi-amo...XXX

Hey Mi'Amore, I'm just sayin'.....

Oh, did I mention earlier that "dressing with style" was a way for guys to get attention, since they're not equipped emotionally to ask for attention in guy mode?

So, ya, I'm a ham, dagnabbit. This is me, this is who I am, see me, luuuuv me!! (two snaps up in "Z" formation).


Excellent replies so far, from what I've been seeing, and Darla seems to have had a lot of time on the "outside", to give a very well informed and well conveyed opinion.

[Deborah]

You raise a fair point. I think a number of CDs/TGs are in effect teenage girls, especially those who don't get to let their femme self out much. So much like teenage girls who are so caught up in their budding womanhood, there's too much make-up, skirts that are a bit too high and a bit too tight, etc. And because so many of us dress in isolation there's no parents to say "you're not going out like that," nor the fear of social reprecussions that cause most GGs to tone things down over time.
Darla

Like Totally!! and you better not try to take away my cellphone either.


Get out of my panty drawer you pervert



MOM!!!!



Stupid brother hit me again!

[Deborah]

^^I believe thats true for some people btw. I'll write my serious answer later.

[Tristen Cox]

*shakes head*

Three little questions that can be answered so simply and look what happened. Have to hunt through just to find a few that did answer those without getting into more questions and debates etc.

Where's this all going? Who knows. What were the questions? Anyone, anyone? Yeah I forgot too cause I don't see 'em anymore......

*turns out light, tucks under the covers*

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi T!

<*checks under the covers*>

It's safe, Sweetie.

Here's the scoop. I probably helped twist this a bit in post 95, but it was in response to Kew's additional questions in post 85:

Part of it Jen. The other part is what beyond beard cover, eyelashes and skirts is female. How much of you is interested in female issues, female ways of thinking, female ways of being, female? What beyond the pictures? Again an exercise in self-reflection and introspection. This part of it was implied and not asked outright. Does that help? But basically, answering the three questions.

That goes beyond the first three questions:

If a picture is worth a thousand words; what does your's say about you?
Fair question; isn't it? Just curious. Lots of you TGrrlz post tons of pictures. So what are your pictures saying of you? What do you want them to say? Do they truly reflect what is on the INSIDE?

If nothing else, it's been interesting, don't you think?

[Anita]

Piture? You Mean To Tell Me You Can Actually Post A Picture Of Yourself On Here
Whatever Next ?i Might Just Have To Think About Doing That!!!!!!!!!!!!