Phili's posts always make me think. MIAD is definitely not my thing, but other things that fall well short of full-on crossdressing are very much my thing. Maybe more that full-on crossdressing (now that I'm older, less passable, and lazier). But, there's this thing that has always been constant at least since I was an early teen or before. I have to always have something that keeps me from being full-on typical male. Sometimes I feel like I need something visible. Sometimes I'm satisfied with just panties and shaved legs that nobody can possibly see. This aspect is a whole lot more nuanced (read: crazy!) that blowing it all out in every aspect to present full-on female.

Often it doesn't even feel important... until I try to do without it. Panties, for instance. I've worn panties since I was in about the 10th grade. Love panties, but never thought much about it. When we had our first child I decided to put some of my feminine things aside and started wearing men's underwear. After months, and personally not even realizing I was "different", my wife told me I needed to just go back to wearing panties. I can't remember exactly what she said was different about me, but it was negative enough that she felt like she needed to say something about it, and she felt like switching from panties was the cause.

For all my life until several years ago, long hair was my constant outward thing. I knew that it was a crutch or a security blanket. It not only visually set me apart, but it was a "thing" for me that I cannot articulate. When I cut my hair it's not like I consciously sought some replacement, but some time later I realized that I had. I was dating a woman who bought me a purse that she fully expected me to carry in male mode. Good timing, I guess, because the purse became that thing that gave me that visual difference and that tactile security blanket type of thing that for a long time had been my hair. Weird, I know. This wasn't something I set out to do. It was only upon reflection that I could see that this is what had taken place.

Sometimes I feel the need or at least the desire to push things further. When I get a mani pedi (about every 6 weeks) I wear nail polish in male mode at least from Friday afternoon until Monday morning, if I can't stretch it out further (away from work). Sometimes it's bigger earrings. It used to be that I wore my nails ridiculously long. Heels in male mode. It could be anything, really. But it ALWAYS has to be SOMETHING!

Some of you are all or nothing. I get that. I also get that for some of you it's got to be a dress. I do my share of full-on crossdressing, but when I can't be fully dressed I have this need to be different, to always have a touch of femininity. A pacifier, I guess. Anybody else?