Maria, Even in my sixties there are still sexual feelings from dressing. However, it is not the only feeling as when I was much younger. There was no tipping point when I realized the difference. It just happened over time.
Maria, Even in my sixties there are still sexual feelings from dressing. However, it is not the only feeling as when I was much younger. There was no tipping point when I realized the difference. It just happened over time.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
It was a little fetish for me, But since my recent divorce my feelings of dressing up and becoming more girly has grown even more.
Age is definitely a factor. Still love it but the feelings are not as intense as they used to be.
What an excellent post, so many people with similar experiences to me.
I started wearing just lingerie in my teens and it carried on like that until last year.
Looking back it should have been soooo obvious to me! My sexual awakening thirty years ago, when I realised I was bisexual, came about when I was watching porn and realised that I fantasised about being *her* rather than *him*. My whole adult life I've shaved my whole body hair. For decades I told myself I just dressed for the sexual thrill, I never bought more than knickers and stockings because hey - anything more than that would make me some kind of crossdresser and that'd be weird, right?
Last year, in my late 40s, I finally bought a dress, then some skirts, bras and all manner of fem clothing. It was like an avalanche, starting with that first dress that made me feel incredible when I wore it.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying it doesn't feel sexual anymore when I dress up. It feels amazingly comfortable, like a particular piece of me that'd been denied for so long is finally able to be expressed. But I still sometimes feel incredibly sexual when dressed too, which shouldn't been a surprise - after all I sometimes feel very sexual when I'm wearing male clothes!
I've finally reached the point where being me - whether that's dressed drab, en fem, or somewhere inbetween - feels great, with no guilt or feelings of negativity. And sometimes that can feel pretty damn sexy!
Last edited by danniUK; 04-30-2024 at 05:49 AM.
This sums me up quite well also. As I have got older, it becomes less about sex and more about sensuality and comfort - a kind of inner peace. I have decided I'm also bisexual of sorts. I love my wife dearly so I am completely monogamous, loyal to her. I square that round peg by thinking it is about the person I love, not their sexuality.
Last edited by char GG; 04-30-2024 at 04:14 AM. Reason: No need the quote the post directly before yours
I do wonder what percentage of CDers are straight versus more flexible sexualities. To this day I'm not sure if I love to feel fem because I'm bi and (for me) feeling fem fits so well with being with a man, or whether it's my love of feeling fem - I'll hesitate at saying "wanting to be a woman" - that attracts me to men.
Either way, like you I'm completely monogamous and haven't been with a guy since before my wife some 18 years ago.
The trouble is that, I think the pigeon holes of Straight - Bisexual - Gay are too clunky. I think it should be considered as a spectrum, say from 1 - 100; 1=totally straight, 100=totally gay.
I honestly believe that many man aren't 1, but because they aren't actually gay, nor want to be labelled as bisexual, they stay "1" to the outside world. Whereas in truth they could be, say, a 15, according to my scale above. There's plenty of women I know who mention how attractive another woman is, or kiss them when they meet or even hold hands. Normally they would not be considered lesbian, nor bisexual, just very friendly to one another. If we see a man doing the same with another man, immediately everybody would label them as gay.
So I have to say I am bisexual, I am not gay nor straight, but totally monogamous with my wife because I am madly in love with her.
There is an inbalance with attitudes between the sexes. Society has a lot to answer for.
Ah, yes - that scale exists as the Kinsey Scale, though it only has 7 increments. And I agree, though I think a lot (most?) people who would describe themselves as "straight" or "gay" would put themselves at 1 or 100 on your scale.
Also agree that society's attitudes to intimacy between two men versus two women is very imbalanced.
Just a small further thought... I can clearly remember a time when, while dressing was very much a sexual thing, I annoyed myself by reaching that climax quite quickly, then being disappointed that it was "all over" and time to return to male mode. I made a big effort to resist reaching that stage so quickly so that i could remain for longer in my women's clothes and enjoy that experience for longer. Gradually that led to being satisfied just to be in the clothes and experience the enjoyable sensations they provided without rushing to satisfy a sexual outcome. Ultimately I could avoid the "sexual outcome" altogether and. wear the clothes for longer periods of time (as dictated by circumstances). There was something very satisfying about knowing what it was like to be dressed for a whole day.
My experience was much like Lorna's. It started out very much about sex and has evolved into an identity.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
Same for me actually, a distinct sexual component, and as some have described, a really strong feeling of disgust of being in girls clothes after the deed was done. I always hated that because I really wanted to continue the good feeling of being the girl, but at that point it was all just terrible and I hated it and myself.
I have been making a serious effort to separate the two and not have that problem and am doing much better with it now.
Cant help but think there might be a chemical release or something going on, causing this mental turn of what was pleasure to make it become disgust! If not, then I suppose it is all the brain playing tricks on us when that happens.
Perhaps the one thing that I can contribute to this thread, is that the sexual component often associated with crossdressing didn't exist for me until I reached puberty. All the crossdressing was gender identity affected. I believe that perhaps as with non crossdressing teens, masturbation is simply due to the incredibly strong effects of testosterone, and as many of us have experienced, it doesn't take much to get us sexually excited at that age, in fact, often there doesn't even seem to be anything sexual happening at the time, we're just running on 'automatic' and it just happens, like when we are sitting in algebra class, no girls in sight, but there we are, ready to go, as if we've been thinking about sex for hours already.
So just because we have the desire to crossdress, and we have the desire to masturbate, doesn't mean that there's any connection between the two, just that they have both occurred at the same time. As some have found, having lived the entire life of having the sexual desire skyrocket for decades only to finally quiet down a bit as we get old, just being dressed in girl clothes might not be the trigger that you think it is. In fact, once past puberty, you might not need a trigger to set you off at all! Those who have experienced 'morning wood' know that!
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
A lot of use describe the sexual component. I still remember the day I first borrowed my mom's panties to try on. I didn't even get them pulled up before sexual arousal. It constituted a complete system test that everything was OK.
But, I wonder if the sexual component is a side effect to dressing, but not the main event. I don't think that I intended for sexual arousal to occur when I tried on mom's panties. Maybe I did it out of gender dysphoria, due to the feel of nylon on my skin, or just because I felt like breaking societal rules about what kinds of clothes boys could wear. I think it goes to the question of why we do what we do. But I don't think that sexual arousal was in the top 3 reasons for crossdressing.
Also, it stated with panties, bras and girdles and I added stocking once I figured out how to attach the stockings to the garter clips on the girdles. There were no pantyhose in my mom's drawers. Maybe it was her style thing, or maybe pantyhose weren't invented by 1963.
I eventially tried on some lipstick and some jewelry, but I wasn't really in anything beyond lingerie.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Wow you have just described me and my cross-dressing life.Originally Posted by Lorna
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