Mine was complicated because ,obviously, I'm the one that caught mine with another dresser in my bed in my clothes the first time I found out .

NO good grief NO WAY would I have told anyone about that ... The horror and the shock of seeing that was horrible and people around me ( friends and family) , especially the men, unfortunately were picking up on something not right with him to begin with and to find out what it was ( a big second life ) and how I found out .. no ..

I couldn't take the ridicule and the ostracizing all the I told you so's . . Plus we spent so much money and time and sacrifice to get him from The Netherlands to the US when we came back here from living in the EU and to have that happen after all of that. Telling was just not going to happen .. I had to steel myself right then and decided that barring anything else I would stay for our daughter who is now almost 23 ..because I was so turned off and shocked at the gravity of his double life that there was no going back .

Like many here though when they arent met with a meltdown they take it as a green light and thats what he did .
I finally DID have to say something to his family in the EU when his promiscuity just went out of control. After he knew that I knew he just did what he wanted with whoever he wanted. He got so involved in this lifestyle to the point where he wouldn't speak to his birth family out of guilt and embarrassment for his behavior over here and if he did speak he would intimate that it was because of me that I wouldnt let him or something like that. There's two adult kids in the Netherlands, his dad, his brothers his cousins whoever he just went pretty much radio silent on these people.

Finally after a few years of really raw hate from his family ,I'll be honest with everybody on this forum, I totally outed that dude. I couldn't .... I just could not take any more blame for him. None. Not only did it become my secret to keep, it became my fault that I found out . At first he kept saying loudly that I was never supposed to know , over and over .. angry at me that Id busted him , not sorry about anything .. Just very ,mad that he'd been caught by anyone , finally, after a lifetime of this hiding and sneaking .
Make no mistake ,the hiding and sneaking was because he knows that kind of behavior is wrong . Anybody should know that sort of behavior is incorrect if you're in a committed relationship.

He knew his family was not very cool with him marrying an American girl and then to make it seem like I was the one keeping him from talking to the family just became brutal ...

He was extremely good at deflecting He had done that his whole life with this deflect deflect, if I make Dutchess seem like a big enough villain then family won't notice what it is I'm really doing over here.


So I finally did the unthinkable and I told his dad and his brothers wife . I sent a picture too because they did not believe me at first . I was very traumatized by this whole thing caught between his secret behavior and their hate , with a warning to those people ( his dad and grown kids ) to leave me alone or else. They did leave me alone . finally .
I didn't want to have to do it but there was nobody there to defend me and this had just turned into something so rotten and so bad that I really didn't have a choice.

Now I'm in therapy for it for what happened I have zero trust in men,


I made the mistake at first that so many significant others do here and that was overprotecting and coddled him some, I think out of shock and grief - and that just fueled it. I always tell new women here not to do that . Let them duke it out , let them figure it out on their own. If people talk bad about them let THEM deal with it , if people talk good about them fine whatever but you let them do this on their own.

There are people here right now who need to read this and think about things