I may have spoken too soon about how accepting my wife is...

I've been really 'proud' here about how accepting my wife has been of being her husband in a dress/skirt-blouse for the past few months, but the other day, I was wearing a 'new' blouse and she said, as I approached to kiss her in the bedroom (ironically, exiting the closet), she said, "this doesn't do anything for me. In fact, I don't recognize you looking like that. I don't see my husband."

She said some other things which are mostly a blur.

Me: "Does it turn you off?"

Her: "Yes, it turns me off."

Me: "Okay, I won't wear it anymore..."

Her: "No, I know you enjoy it."

Me: "That's fine, I understand."

So, looks like I go back in the closet, kind of. I moved all my girl clothes to my computer room's walk-in closet. Well, all those save for the ones in the bedside table.

I wonder what she'll say, if anything, when she notices.

Watch, in a month, she'll ask why I don't dress up, anymore, or may even try to encourage me to in her presence, again. :confused:

When they say thats fine remember they are not fine.
Next time don't be trying to kiss her while you have a dress on.
Women change their minds all the time so don't even try to make any sense of what they do.

What's good today is not good tomorrow, that's how they tick. I don't try to push the issue with the dressing, but sometimes just as you experienced it doesn't take much. We went out shopping and I bought all kinds of things and there was no issues. A few weeks later I asked her to buy me a pair of pantyhose and she snapped back " God forbid we go out once and Maria doesn't buy something".I told her not to worry about it and she said she doesn't want to be the B" cry. I got pissed off and said someone else just ruined a beautiful day and is acting more like a "B". Just like a snap of a finger she changed her additude.
Just take it slow and put the ball in her court and see what she serves you. Let us know how it goes and keep us in the loop.

Sounds like maybe she is just having issues with intimacy/sexuality when you are dressed. Maybe she finds you ridiculous when you dress. Maybe she just really isn’t into women and you pass TOO well. I don’t know that you need to stop dressing, just lay off the affection. She’s not Katy Perry and doesn’t want to kiss a girl, nor would she like it.

Yes, it may have been too much, too quickly.

I'll just wait it out.

Trust me, Micki_Finn, I don't try to, and couldn't if I wanted to, pass.

My wife does not approve of my cross dressing and therefore I do so in private. I do so, almost every time she is away for several hours. Hopefully some day she will accept my real self.

My wife is pretty accepting of my dressing as long as she doesn't see me in a dress.

Well yesterday I was wearing my newest dress and she made the comment that she liked the dress. I had only worn it one other time, but had to take it off before she got up since I had spilled something on it, so she hadn't seen the dress before, unless she saw it hanging in my side of our closet.

So my wife's opinion of my dressing changes on a some what regular basis. I don't want to give you too much hope, but in my situation it seems it depends on the day on how much my wife accepts my dressing.

Damn - so sorry to hear KelleyB. I would certainly find that saddening

Maybe, just maybe, do you think maybe she wants the MAN back in her life that she married? I'm just sayin'.......
Jon

My wife has been amazing as well but she has been away for a funeral for the last several days. I told her I wanted to shave and she said ok but just wait till I am on the plane then send a picture so I can get used to it slowly. Well she flies back tonight and I asked if she would like me or Andy to pick her up. She asked to think about it and before her flight home took off she called and said she didn’ know. This to me meant no and as I told her that she responded by saying but I want you to be happy and this makes you happy. I told her flat out it is also about you being happy and that will always mean more to me. So I asked her again and she said I want you (as in my male me) to come get me. I said happily.

I think her indecision is because she has always know me with my beard and stash and seeing me for the first time without will be easier if I am not also in makeup and a dress. Now my plan is as soon as we get home I will jump right back in my cammy and leggings but I now know too that she is still dealing with this and their are still and will still be hurdles for us to overcome.

The point being no matter how good we think we have it we all need to remember we are not the only ones affected and sometimes we need to be willing to put her away for a bit and let the others in our lives deal with this in their own time as well. Just be patient! (Which sounds exactly like the thing you are doing.) But also don’t recoil too much as you don’t want them feeling like the bad person. Reassure them you are fine with boundaries (in a reasonable sense) and that this whole thing is constantly evolving and neither of you can truly know what tomorrow brings but you will both be there to face it together.

Wow I so did not mean to go on like that but sometimes you just gotta “let it out!” Bonus points if you know that reference:battingeyelashes:

P.S. I really hope my wife doesn’t freak now over my new pierced ears which she does not know about even though we have talked about it. :doh: eh I shouldn’t be worried since I have not done the dishes either I’m a dead man either way...

My wife has swings about how accepting she is. I also have swings about how her and what she wears. We all are humans and have moods. We don't always want sex at the same time or same experience. My wife is not a fan of my having on a lacy night gown during intimate times. Especially if the bodice is lacy and holds my boobs. She finds me too fem.

My fiancee is pretty accepting, only negative seems to be the chest hair issue. However, whenever my ex-wife said fine, it was the kiss off death.

My wife approves and supports all aspects of my dressing, even going out in public, but prefers not to see me in person as such, which I am totally cool with; now if it's something like a dress up party or the Rocky Horror Show participation, that's totally alright.

As far as "in the bedroom", she digs me in heels, that's it. And luckily that is all I care to wear in that regard.

I say just take it a day at a time, can be a bummer I imagine.

:)

Its pretty common when a guy comes out to his wife that he CDs and she is like OK I can deal with some of it but how much I don't know.
The guy takes this acceptance as he has some sort of green light to do nothing but CD or talk about it endlessly, buy clothes and make up,wigs etc.
The wife gets fed up with all the girl stuff its boring because she deals with that everyday.
She married a man and she would like to have her man back is about what it boils down to.
Sounds like you pushed to hard and she is backing up on you.
Its like when guys get a hobby they jump right in full boar and buy all the items needed for that hobby and do nothing but that hobby on the weekends and their wives get pissed.
Its all give and take but be ready to give more than you get in return because thats how women are.

Hang in there, Kelly. Its never a straight path from zero to 100% acceptance. Ther will be some setbacks along the way. My wife has gone from "I can't stand to look at you in a dress" and "I'd rather see you dead than in a dress" to "I like most of the outfits you put together" and "I prefer to see you in a skirt outfit rather than a dress" But it wasn't easy.

My wife never wants to talk about my feminine tastes, but from what little she has said, I've deduced that her greatest fear was that I'll go for gender reassignment and she'd lose me. Of course I tried to assure her I was happy in the middle road I'm taking, but what worked best was my dressing in front of her without altering my personality, as if my clothing choices are "Not a Big Deal".

Point being, time and patience and being undramatic will work as long as her mind is the least bit open.

This is a ticklish situation, a change of heart midstream so to speak.

Look back, did you push too hard at any stage or even move things about too quickly?

Changes have to be slow and SUBTLE to work successfully.

It takes months, not weeks to achieve any sort of advancement.

A couple of years ago my wife allowed me to wear a plain bralette or a sports bra under my regular guy clothes. One evening she was in bed sobbing and I asked what was wrong. I was shocked to hear her say it was my bra wearing. I had to promise to never wear anything feminine again. Of course we all know that is impossible so I now wear with extreme stealth. I have detected no change in her attitude, mine is to expand my wardrobe by buying high heels and eventually a wig. One marriage two lives.

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Originally Posted by Joni T

Maybe, just maybe, do you think maybe she wants the MAN back in her life that she married? I'm just sayin'.......
Jon

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Joni T, don't...just don't. That's uncalled for.

I am the same MAN she had, previously. I work on the cars, fix things, et cetera. Been married 20+ years, we've both changed some, but that's age as much as anything.

I pushed too hard, buying a third blouse in as many months.

She saw me the other morning in a red, floor-length skirt, didn't mention a thing, so it may be she's not ready to see me dressed on top unless she's randy.

I'll just relax and wait.

You aren't alone with the duality of taking care of your family via maleness but got this female quirk too. Take solace in knowing there is a forward but it will take communication and a focus on her as number 1. It took a bit for my wife to wrap her head around me but she is still good 5 years later. I let her know in no uncertain terms how much she meant to me and I cherished her. It was that communication channel that let me address what went on in me. She eventually had an epiphany that I was suffering if I didn't express and how could she let that happen. In my case I do the bear minimum to maintain my sanity because I don't want to upend what I have out of irrational fears, aka runaway pink fog. Over time she sees that my mood is lifted considerably when I can express and that I'm easier to be around. My devotion to her becomes more and she is happier.

I would dial things back and focus on your wife. She needs to understand who is number 1 to her and let her figure out that there are far worse things than a husband who does all his duties faithfully and is a CD. It's all a matter of overcoming fears and feeling safe.

~Renee~

Her reaction that she did not want you to take off your outfit to me signals that her involvement with the female side of is strictly platonic - do not attempt to kiss her when in fem mode, only male mode. Is seems she supports you to be you but there are limits to how much she will be involved with your fem side.

I agree with Tracii G in the sense that there may be a disconnect between your expectations post “coming out.” It’s possible that from your perspective, you came out and therefore you have a green light to shop, dress, and take up more closet space than before. Perhaps from her perspective, your coming out means that everything is till the same as before, except that you like to occasionally wear women’s clothing. Prior to your coming out, that clothing was probably hidden away somewhere. Bottom line: it’s in both of your best interests if you don’t overwhelm her... and of course, it’s also in both of your interests if you communicate whenever you have any disagreements.

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Originally Posted by karenph

Her reaction that she did not want you to take off your outfit to me signals that her involvement with the female side of is strictly platonic - do not attempt to kiss her when in fem mode, only male mode. Is seems she supports you to be you but there are limits to how much she will be involved with your fem side.

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Thank you very much! I'd never considered this option.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KelleyB

I've been really 'proud' here about how accepting my wife has been of being her husband in a dress/skirt-blouse for the past few months, but the other day, I was wearing a 'new' blouse and she said, as I approached to kiss her in the bedroom (ironically, exiting the closet), she said, "this doesn't do anything for me. In fact, I don't recognize you looking like that. I don't see my husband."

She said some other things which are mostly a blur.

Me: "Does it turn you off?"

Her: "Yes, it turns me off."

Me: "Okay, I won't wear it anymore..."

Her: "No, I know you enjoy it."

Me: "That's fine, I understand."
d:

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My two cents as a GG - just from the above conversation. She loves you and wants you to be happy But it's not her thing .
And that's ok right?

But I caution - we can only give you ideas on what might be going on but really we are letting our experiences cloud our replys. Your wife would be able to give her feelings on this .... Everyone is different . I loved my hubby/ wife and it did not matter what she/ he had on - but I knew from day one. Your wife I'm sure loves you and wants to be happy but if she did not know from the beginning she might miss who she was orig attracted to. Don't go to fast and include her .... It's best if you sort out between you both what works for you both.

Yes, that's perfectly okay, and I'm not surprised one bit.

However, for months, she led me down the road that she was okay with it. It's the 180* turn which caught me flat-footed.

I'll see if the waters are calmer, this afternoon, and gently approach it to find out what I can change to make her happy.

I agree with Karenph - your fem presentation can be as a girlfriend and romance is with the drab version. Otherwise, she may feel you are making her into a lesbian, from her point of view.
Sometimes things start out sexual and are accepted, but once you look too feminine, that crosses a boundary.
Hugs, Ellen