Should I tell him?

[stevie b]

Hi everyone, I worked with a guy some years ago for about 10 years, I knew he crossdressed and supported him when his partner forced him to come out, he never and still does know I CDed as well.
Yesterday after 6 years we got in touch again via friends reunited ( I think my subconscious had something to do with it, OK it was not too much to do with my sub..). We live in different parts of the country now and I have this urge to tell him. After reading various threads/posts and comments about the dangers/problems etc I have thought of all the connections that could be made back to me if I tell him and he tells someone else. It seems safe. He had a bad time with relationships and I believe he would understand confidentiality, but as we know things happen.
Any thoughts girls, I look forward to your wisdom
xx

[Nadia-Maria]

I supported him when his partner forced him to come out

Would you give us some details about that ?

It seems safe. He had a bad time with relationships and I believe he would understand confidentiality, but as we know things happen.

I think so. It seems to be a good opportunity.
The risk is low, the expected benefit way higher.
At your place, I would probably come out to him.

Hugs

Nadia

[Mollyanne]

Hi Stevie, Good question actually. I guess if it were me I would contact him first and "feel him out" as to what hes doing etc etc
I then would confide to him that I supported his cd'ing and that he is still my friend (no matter what) I guess in order to put him as ease I would then tell him about my own experiences with cd'ing as well. Its really very very nice to be able to share crossdressing with a friend, just think of the wardrobe possibilities????

Mollyannel

[tvbeckytv]

IMO
It depends just how bad it would be for you for the world and his dog to know. Think worse possible consequences and if they wouldnt be the end of the world for you, then weight up the particular case

[stevie b]

Thanks girls. Before he came out I noticed the tell tale signs, shved arms etc. So spoke to him and he told me about the CD ( Iwas not confident enough to tell him about Mine). His partner who was a bit evil threatened to tell his work mates after a row ( this in an earlier post),so to beat her to it he came out at work. I gave him a lot of time to talk, invited him round for tea when he was dressed helped try to stop any nasty gossip.
I am talking to him via e-mails to see how the land lies and if in fact he still dresses, I think he must as when he came out he went to clubs and meeting all over the place. I know he is a relationship at present.

I think the risk is low and it would actually be good to have some I know know, does that sound weird?
xx

[DonnaT]

No reason I can see not to tell him. He'll ask why you said nothing before, so just tell him your self acceptance/confidence hadn't reached the point you were able to openly talk about it with anyone.

Then you can ask him if he'd to join in here.

[TxKimberly]

Can't think of any reason NOT to tell him, but you might hold off just a bit. If you have only just found each other again after years, that may not be the very first thing you want to blurt out.

[Shelly Preston]

There is no need to be in a hurry to tell him

Eventually once you find out more about his current situation and how it may affect your relationship should you tell him


Then you can decide

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

If I were you, I would feel him out first before saying anything. If he mentions anything about CDing,then it would probably be ok to tell him.Good luck

Felicity

[KandisTX]

Go with your gut. You've known about him all these years, it is possible he suspects something... we all have/give signs we subconciously don't think about. Do what YOU feel is the right thing to do in this situation.

Kandis

[Amy Lynn3]

You have gotten some good advice, but wanted to point this out. If you don't plan to let the entire world know you cd and it will not cause trouble, then tell him, however, remember the old saying....loose lips sink battle ships.

[sterling12]

So you want to tell him that your a Sista' too. Aside from the obvious pleasure of sharing your secret with a kindred spirit, I think you need to apply The WIIFM Criteria. WIIFM...stands for, "What's In It For Me!"

If you can't find a convincing number of positives and there are too many negatives, or some of the negatives are just too large, leave it alone. If your desire is to share with someone and it doesn't have to be your friend, join a group. You can have anonymity, and still share with others.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jill Mac]

i also think you should tell him, as you say yous live in diffrent parts of the country, what you got to lose.

Jill

[StephanieF]

I agree with Kimberly and Shelley. It sounds like you really want a cd friend and you already have a history, but wait a little longer and find out a bit more of his current situation.

Good luck, Steph

[KatieZ]

I know he is a relationship at present.xx

What kind of relationship?
With a woman?
Does she know about his CD side?
Will he tell her about you?
What if that relationship falls apart, will she out the both of you?

Just another angle to think about.

However in my particular point in life if I knew another CDer I would tell him/her about myself and not worry about it. But that is me. You have to do what you feel is right for you.

[stevie b]

Thanks everyone again for all your insights. I will see how things turn out, will you all know.
xx

[Sally2005]

How about go for a test drive first? Ask him if he still CDs and then tell him that you always wanted to try the whole deal. Maybe he'll offer to join you on some outing and you can judge the situation. I think I would worry less about someone who lives far away since you can avoid them easily if things don't work out.

[Nicki B]

..when he came out he went to clubs and meeting all over the place.

Sounds like a useful girl for you to know?

[CD Susan]

If it were me I would confide in him that you are a cd too. It is unlikely that he no longer is dressing. We all know that being a cd is not something that we can stop being, it is with us for life. If you tell him it could strengthen your friendship and both of you would be better off because of it. I say tell him when the moment is right.

[Angie G]

He dresses so he should know how it is and keep it to himself one would hope.
Angie