Why

[Nadia-Maria]

Nadia,

You have just validated a thought I have had for some years regarding crossdressing and crossdressers. That is that we are way above average when it comes to imaginative ability, and thus, intelligence.

I believe you are also correct in your statement that in the end (no pun intended) a large proportion of us are seeking what we perceive to be the penultimate experience of femininity, the female climax (actually the penultimate would be pregnancy and childbirth, but that truly is impossible except in the tabloid press). Few may admit this to themselves, and many of those who do may never pursue it, possibly out of fear that they may find out more than they wanted to know about themselves.

Great post!

Many thanks TommiTN for your feedback. I would want more people relate exactly to the essays of the John's blog, instead of just chatting about.

How many of us can relate to this part of the blog?

http://ybatv.blogspot.com/2007/01/cr...-but-male.html

Here is my detailed answer to the very interesting part of the blog "Cross-Dressed but Male".

Love

Nadia-Maria

______________________________________________

1. Varying "quality" level of CDing
--------------------------------

The CDing level required by the CDer - from just wearing undies or a pantyhose under male clothes, to full dressing femme including voice transforming - varies greatly among CDers, as well as during the life of every CDer.

Moreover, it can vary on a day to day basis.

As an example, everyday my need for CDing can be different. It is much like the weather forecast ; at times my crossdressing is very calm and a bit dull, so that bra, skirt and top will do it. At other times, my crossdressing is more bright and sunny and I need to be fully dressed up to feel really good. It may become even stormy and it will happen that I need to try compulsively my whole wardrobe and accessories, and constantly admiring myself in the mirror wearing different outfits, just like a real GG. At other times, I need to discover something new, for instance I will shave for first time a new part of my body.

In any case there are whole CDing sessions when I behave just as your classic "male in a skirt" : I can spent a whole day doing my standard male activities looking merely semifemme. There are others where I feel much more girlie with that overwhelming need to look as the sexiest possible woman so that I can’t do for hours almost anything productive but crossdressing and feeling femme.


2. CDer presenting herself as a man in a skirt
--------------------------------------------

I received the confidences of a fellow CDer, of a very masculine appearence, who used to present herself typically as "a man in a skirt", with no need to look really female. He ended by recognizing that - quite rarely - he needed to wear makeup and a wig. I observed it had been rather difficult for himself to acknolewdge her feminine behaviour ....

Obviously I won't generalize from just one case. However this example fits perfectly my own experience. I didn't pay much attention at my external female appearence for most of my life, since I was in the closet with no feedback from anybody.
Then, the most important was what happened within myself, whatever my very external appearence.

Early 2007, surfing on the net, I discovered the whole world of CDing and TGirls and had been challenged by the gorgeous pictures en femme showing the high quality level of transformation that most CDers are able to reach.
I rated my own level as near the bottom-end so that I tried harder ever since. My new aim was to reach a much better level of transformation enfemme, and to be able to go sometimes outside enfemme. The frequency of my CDing increased a lot, so that I had to come out to my SO, what I did in 2007 and I began going outside enfemme a few months later, early 2008.

That means I have been a man in a skirt for most of my life.
Note that I finally began wearing makeup and shaving parts of body as late as after 5 decades of closet CDing !
In my case, external feedback from the environment may have been decisive for own CDing.


3. A male fashion of pretty clothes
---------------------------------

When I came out to my SO, she suggested to buy me a scottish kilt.
But, for me, wearing a kilt has virtually no interest at all.
I need a skirt for girl-only, not a skirt specifically designed for men like a kilt.
A nice scottish skirt has a great deal of appeal to me.
Neither does a kilt with the same pattern of colors.

What is important for me is wearing *women* clothes. Hence, whatever the cloth's look or material, that means I want primarily to appear like a woman.
I often observe that other transvestites will claim otherwise. Many of them will tell you they favor the woman clothes uniquely because they are prettier and more comfortable and agreeable to wear, not because they are just woman clothes. They are sincere but I doubt they are always right, especially concerning undies. My SO bought me expensive male undies that are really wonderful to wear, and of a much higher quality than most woman undies I own,
Of course I prefer wearing these man undies, because they are more comfortable and so well adapted to my morphology ... and since - being not conspicuous - they don't alter at all my woman appearence.



4. Cross-dressed but Male, or "bright with cloudy intervals"
----------------------------------------------------------

Feeling like a woman is the summum pleasure for me.
Nevertheless, even with the prettiest woman look, I know I remain a male.

I am a male with female intervals. ("cloudy with bright intervals")
As many CDers will say, I am "a part-time woman". So that I am "Nadia sometimes".

I don't deny my male nature, so that I have no drive to be a full time woman, no drive to appear constantly to others as a woman.

This questioning is crucial for understanding crossdressing and assessing the differing varieties of crossdressers.

- Do you deny your male nature, or are you globally accepting its ?

The full time TGirl may deny on a large extent she is male, and will apply the ostrich politics to convince herself she can be - or at least as a first step - live constantly as a woman.

The TS denies she is male at all.
There seems to be a continuum from the large time TGirl to the TS.
You know well the saying : "What is the difference between a CD and a TS ? Answer : 2 years".
In fact it doesn't apply to the standard CDer. It may apply to the full time (or quasi full time) TGirl.
I believe it applies to whoever denies being a male.
Wanting to be LIKE a woman is different from wanting to be a woman.

Once, as a teenager, I wanted to be a girl.
Rather early , I decided I wanted it no more.
I now understand I decided at that moment I only wanted to be LIKE a woman.



Nadia-Maria

[Nadia-Maria]

While there is certainly some truth to wrong wiring, I think this really only applies to TS's... Who basically know from early on that they were born into the wrong body.

For CD's, I think it's more a question of desire to express oneself as one feels.

There is probably a gray area in between...

Hi Emily,

Of course, wrong wiring is only a hypothesis, but the near future may bring light about it, due to the quick progresses in brain studies and experiments.
We are to be waiting on new developments of brain science.

In between, you will find hereafter observing stuff unveiled about myself in the following answer to the outstanding essay of John's blog :


"Coping with Transvestism"
_________________________


Dear John,

Your outstanding essay makes much sense, and I have not much to say about, apart it is very well-done and that I share approximately your way of thinking. I especially share the exhaustive list of your beliefs about why to be a transvestite mean.

As for << the transvestites [who] affirm the positive and glamorous aspects of being transgendered >>, I believe they don’t represent exactly the same variety of CDers as both of you, and I would think they are better known as (quasi)full-timeTG or even TS. They are denying (more or less) their male nature, whereas both of us clearly refuse to go that far, I mean, as both of us prefer to accept the observation facts, the scientific reality and are mainly seeking for the truth, instead of believing in what we would wish the reality were.

Even if those hereafter are not representative of the deepest matter of your essay, I selected a few excerpts among all them I found very well thought and written.

<< If I am right about the causes of transvestitism, then normal people are programmed to dislike transvestites as much as we are programmed to be transvestites. >>

<< While being a transvestite has its difficulties and drawbacks, it is probably only as rare as being extremely tall or short and is probably easier to live with. >>

<< For example, if I believed that transvestitism was caused by men getting in touch with their 'feminine side', I might wrongly conclude that any man could be educated into appreciating cross-dressing. This could lead me to evangelise the practice to my friends and family. >>


And finally I chose to react at this specific sentence of yours, in order to give you new stuff of observation for refining your thinking.

<< It isn't hard to pretend to be normal because, in every other way, the transvestite is normal. >>

You can say I’m normal in every way but my CDing. I do feel normal and I have lived up to now a normal living, and in many ways pretty brighter than average. I’m your typical Introvert although very passionnate, curious, with many interests in life, having already met most of my objectives and certainly without any depressive tendancies.

I have had lifelong however the elusive feeling to be a somewhat special individual, not well understood by others, sometimes even marginal. I have also done considerable questioning about me and my linking to others and have been studying for decades much practical psychology.

I am convinced to have underestimated for most of my life, the meaning and importance of my CDing, only wanting to see in it a mere innocent fantasy not deserving to be shared with anybody. Now, I realise it must have been a much more decisive characteristic of my life.

The most intriguing weakness in my life has ever been my relation to women.
Although masculine and athletic, a born competitor, a successful student, and a good-looking boy as well, I was very shy with girls and was not able, as a teenager or young adult, even to date them. I was much (intellectually) attracted to them but reluctant to turn into reality what I could imagine in my mind. I have done for years (mostly aged 15-35) much (and secret) writing for the sake of praising my platonic loved ones, as a pure drive to the elusive superlady.

Although I probably have a few brain peculiarities (as for instance a milder form of something like the Asperger Syndrome or so) what might also explain my tendancy to present as a girl , I’m convinced that my CDing developped mainly under strong environmental influences. My mother wanted a girl, dressed me when a baby as a girl, and contributed to transmit to me as a child a very bad image of any man dating a woman. So that I grew older wanting to be different from the standard man and not behaving such as a dirty one dating a woman. I was waiting on the lady who would love me uniquely for my purity and absence of (dirty) seductive behaviour. Maybe I wanted and needed to be myself this lady instead...

Of course that lady never came to me, or if she ever did it, I have not been able to respond adequately to her so that I left her go away.

In the ignorance of what meant a healthy relation between a man and a woman, I finally married in my 40’s a bad and wrong chosen woman, the unhappy marriage ending in the distress of a child and a conflicting divorce after more than a decade of hell.
Whatever was the past, it is the past, and that bad experience helped me to grow a lot, so that I was later able to have a better look at the women and at my CDing. Since that era, I believe to have been able to choose the right and loving SO, I have come out to her, gone outside of the closet and come somewhat to a deeper understanding of life and human relations, even if much progress is still to be done.

In any case, I would not vote for having been myself the perfect instance of your essentially &#171; normal &#187; guy, normal apart of dressing sometimes in women clothes...

Love

Nadia-Maria

[TommiTN]

Nadia,

You and I have much in common regarding crossdressing and our reasons for participating in it. There are some differences, however.

"Varying Quality Level of CDing:", I usually dress completely en femme when I dress. I'm pretty much an "all or nothing" crossdresser. Also, I usually don't do male activities when dressed. It just seems inappropriate to me to dress as a woman then work on my car, do heavy yard work or other such traditionally male activities.

"CDer Presenting Herself as a Man in a Skirt": I also was influenced by the many photos of really beautiful "faux women" to be seen on the web, and realized that I am a mere dilettante. This fact is driving me to want to improve how I present, even if only to myself. I now wear makeup, something I rarely did in the past. I want to eventually be able to pass in public, even if only from a distance.

"A Male Fashion of Pretty Clothes": I am of the same opinion. A kilt is a male article of clothing and a rather poor substitute for a skirt because of that fact. For me, the point of CDing is to be able to wear clothes designed to fit a woman, not something that may appear fem, but is actually for men. And they must fit me exactly the way they would fit a woman of like proportions with little or no alteration.

"Do You Deny Your Male Nature, or are You Globally Accepting It?": Being a realist, I don't deny my maleness, but I do find my fem side to be much stronger than I ever realized. She has really begun to come forward since I joined this forum.

"Coping with Transvestism": All men possess some feminine traits because both sexes share the same hormones. The difference lies in the hormonal proportions between the sexes and between individuals. I believe these proportions can be affected to some degree by the mind. For example, as I have resumed CDing after a long hiatus I find I'm becoming more passive about life, a definite feminine trait.

I also was, and remain to this day, shy and unsure around women when there is a possibility of romantic interest. The women I date need to give me a very strong signal of interest before I'll commit to asking them out.

There were similar environmental influences to yours on me when I was forming who I am. My mother dressed me as a girl several times and later admitted to me that she was amused and somewhat gratified when strangers commented that I was "such a cute little girl". I don't recall these incidents, but they may have had some influence. My mother harbored a lot of anger toward men in general due to her family background and because my father was selfish, unsupportive and mostly absentee. He was not the family type. She was of the opinion that men just want one thing from a girl. Later she wanted me to date, but admonished me to be the "perfect gentleman". I later found that most women don't want a perfect gentlemen. I missed many opportunities because of this. I, too, was waiting on the special lady who would love me for my purity and complete gentlemanliness.

My conclusion is that one reason I CD is because I love women so much I want to imitate them to the best of my ability. There may be other reasons, but this is the main one.

Take care,

Tommi

[TommiTN]

I think my statement about my father was a bit off the mark. He wasn't so much selfish and unsupportive. He was just totally inept as a father and husband. I felt I should clarify this in fairness to him. He's no longer around to defend himself.

[Coquette]

I still don't really know precisely why I love to cross dress but I stopped caring about why some time ago. Now, I just enjoy myself and don't get too hung up about why. My outlook is to just have fun with it, enjoy being totally feminine occasionally, and to live a small part of my time pretending to be girl.

[Nadia-Maria]

I also was, and remain to this day, shy and unsure around women when there is a possibility of romantic interest. The women I date need to give me a very strong signal of interest before I'll commit to asking them out.

It's most striking that I have behaved for my life exactly as you did.

There were similar environmental influences to yours on me when I was forming who I am. My mother dressed me as a girl several times and later admitted to me that she was amused and somewhat gratified when strangers commented that I was "such a cute little girl". I don't recall these incidents, but they may have had some influence.

Your experience is then exactly the same as mine.
Like in your case, I don't recall that time as a baby, however I do have still pictures of me as a baby girl. As a child I have constantly been recalled of these incidents by neighbours and shopkeepers and have been very ashamed for years due to all that. That's why I have been very deep in the closet lifelong, to avoid being ashamed again by others.

My mother used to tell me, she did not cut my hair as a baby "because I was soooooo pretty with my blond long gorgeous hair !".

She was of the opinion that men just want one thing from a girl.
(...)
I missed many opportunities because of this.

Same , Me too.


My father was an excellent man. He had many striking qualities, but was also very macho (in the 40's - 50's it was the rule for men), with a very violent temper, so that I felt him abusive towards me. I feared him very much as a child. This must have reinforced my natural shyness, as well as the special link to my mother, who shared many temperamental traits with me. I preferred identify to my mother than to my father.

My conclusion is that one reason I CD is because I love women so much I want to imitate them to the best of my ability. There may be other reasons, but this is the main one.

Me too, my crossdressing is sort of praising women and wanting to be like them.

Also, I usually don't do male activities when dressed. It just seems inappropriate to me to dress as a woman then work on my car, do heavy yard work or other such traditionally male activities.

I wrongly used the word "male activities". My main activities are as a rule as much male as female activities. As you do, whenever I have to do really-male activities, I must obviously remove my beautiful female clothes and heels....

The difference lies in the hormonal proportions between the sexes and between individuals. I believe these proportions can be affected to some degree by the mind. For example, as I have resumed CDing after a long hiatus I find I'm becoming more passive about life, a definite feminine trait.

I didn't notice anything similar for me.

Love

Nadia