Why

[Suzie S.]

Bev, you are one remarkable woman! I'm nominating your post in this thread for, "Post of the Month!"

I'll third that motion for Bev! A very wonderful post indeed. The forum should consider making it a sticky so it's easily accessable for all to read!

Tommi, that is truly one of those 'meaning of life' questions. But I guess, accepting that I'm a cd, is probably more important than knowing why.

[connie johnson]

Bev

that is an excellent response. you are a very knowledgable woman. Your SO is very lucky to be with you.

[Bev06 GG]

For your kind comments. However, I feel duty bound to tell you that my walk with my fella and his CDing hasn't always been a straight forward one. We too have had our ups and downs and I have seen lots of changes in attitude and understanding from both of us. I see any relationship very much as a journey on which you discover new things about one another and face the challenges together. Sorry if that sounds a tad corny but I really dont know how else to explain it.

Although I have never had a problem with Jay's dressing, like any partnership getting to know one another can and has thrown up some challenges and a few surprises along the way. Great fun though and to be honest having a CD as a partner certainly makes for a very colourful existence if nothing else and there is certainly no chance of boredom setting in.

I think the lucky to have me bit is definitely a two way thing. I have learnt more about minority groups and their struggles with acceptance since knowing Jay than I ever have done in my career. Actually being a part of one is very different to fighting the cause of one.

The one thing I will say though being a part of this community gives you a real sense of belonging because by enlarge we stick together and encourage one another. We have to because no one else will do. The support that we all receive off this forum is priceless both from the CDs and the GGs and by sharing our ups and downs warts and all we grow ever more closer as a community. Long may it last.
Bev

[Katheryn]

Tommi,
I'm British but it wasn't me

ROFL..... good one!

I feel completely relaxed & a different person when dressed.

I am told by friends who have met my girl self that when I am totally en femme my whole demeanor changes, like it was a different person. I told them it was, it was Kate they were with at that time, and she's different from the boy. They said that it kinda creeped them out at first, but after awhile they got comfortable with her and simply dealt with her as a new person they had just met.

unless I can't get my make-up right or ladder a new pair of stockings

Oh, gee, do I know that feeling, first time Kate went out with her sister and wife to a mainstream restaurant in an attempt to have a girls night out, she was soooooo nervous about getting her makeup right and to just look like another woman in the crowd, not to overdo anything, it wasn't a club we were going to, where things are more tolerated.

K

[Katheryn]

There are those who cross dress for erotic reasons and those who dress as an expression of gender identity, and the underlying motive to CD can of course change over a period of time. Indeed I have heard some of you say that the sexual thrill diminished over a period of time, only to be replaced by a sense of well being and peace.

Bev, I expect there are as many reasons to dress as their are people who do it. Bottom line is, to me, it doesn't matter. I tried to understand it, and for a couple of years I had a job where I spent a lot of time alone as a security person and I had nothing to do but think. I went round and round til I realized that most of it was trying to decide which came first, the chicken or the egg. Doesn't make any real difference, truly.

I was lucky to have lots of help when coming to terms with being a CD the second time. The first time was decades ago with a shrink at a period in societal time when anything gay or trans was a mental disorder to the psych profession. I was slapped with the diagnosis of being a TS and put on that road. Took me a long time to realize I was on the wrong hiway. Stopped listening to the shrink and just sort of dealt with it as there was no internet and the only written material I could find on it was in trashy magazines that wasn't actual information at all. I just knew I liked wearing the clothes. (Hey, I was in my teens and not anywhere as worldly as teens are today)

Anyway, going in the army and watching two guys get a blanket party thrown in their honor for being stupid enough getting caught in the shower being friendly sort of scared me "straight" for awhile.

Decades later when Kate was making a lot of noise pounding on her cell's walls and door enough to make the boy miserable, I was lucky enough to have a few friends in the scene who helped me understand things better.

I have now arrived where I am, and there's no destination sign, so I can't really say where that is, but I am much happier.

Thanks for listening.

K

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

[Katheryn]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

The guest or guests of honor have a blanket tossed over them and the others use them for a pinata.... That's the gentlest way I can put it.


K

[Karen C]

Very well said Bev and I like to say . as long as it doesn't hurt any one whats the problem . when I was in school I didnt drink or do drugs and it made me feel good . so I still do it . but now I like to do it some times with a glass of wine preferbaly merlow .

ps fish eye merlow is verry nice.

[pinkeverything]

Good morning girls,

I am quite fascinated with the wealth of brain power on this forum. This thread in particular has brought a sense of calmness that I hadn't anticipated. I am a noob here and signed up recently because my SO and I are in the discovery stages of CD'ing. I have been CD'ing, albiet limited, for a few years now, but always alone in the privacy of my own home.

I appreciated reading your post Bev. During the darkest moments of my life when I have 1000 thoughts racing through my head at such a velocity that hitting the brakes would have put a torque spin on my neck with such great force that I may not have survived, I play guitar. Playing guitar is the only outlet I have that when I am completely submerged, the rest of the world disappears. During those dark times though, being calm enough to grab a guitar and sit down is difficult. Being calm enough to stay sitting is a different animal alltogether.

Lately, I have been CD'ing in the evening and playing guitar. And I mean really playing guitar.....for hours. It is the most relaxed I've felt in years. It translates though my fingers in ways that I hadn't imagined. My fingering in more fluid. My touch is much softer and more articulate. Melodies are resolved easier. Having the patience to learn a complicated piece of music comes easily when I'm CD'ed.

If only I had the courage to play live crossdressed. I feel just plain ol' drop dead sexy all CD'ed with a guitar plugged in. I get to dig real deep with little effort and pull out the best part of me with music and when I'm crossdressed, I feel that my skill set is much different than when I am not.

[pinkeverything]

In case any of you were wondering, I do have a beautiful pink guitar..........and a few other beauties that are not.

[bimini1]

How many of us can relate to this part of the blog?

http://ybatv.blogspot.com/2007/01/cr...-but-male.html

[SarahLynn]

Hi Katheryn
I know I am being everso Green here but what the heck is a blanket party.
Bev

Bev i am a retired military warrant officer and to put it simply, the offending party (person) has a blanket thrown over them then the others in the squad, platoon, company, having put a bar of soap in a sock start beating them.

Often times there is no bar of soap and the person is beaten with hands, fists, or even kicked. It can and has led to deaths, serious injuries, pernament injuries, and ususlly a trip to the medical facility on base. A blanket is used after lights out, (barracks are not totally dark after lights out) so the offending person does not know his or her attacker.

Blanket parties are sometimes held to correct a persons inability to control themselves properly in a military situtation. Ie. someone who just can't seem to stay in step when marching. Or someone who can not or will not keep his or her rifle clean or equipment in proper order. They can be and often are, very effective in getting or keeping someone squared away.

SarahLynn

[Bev06 GG]

oh how barbaric, honestly men are sometimes just too much. And then people wonder why some of us prefer CDs.
Bev

[Nadia-Maria]

Here is my detailed answer to one of the essay "Watch that man" by John published at :
http://ybatv.blogspot.com/

Love

Nadia-Maria.
___________________________________________

John:
<< Watch That Man*!
Take a look at this man. He's in the grip of some kind of sexual episode. The arching of his back, the thrusting and grasping of his breasts and the half-lidded look of arousal on his face, all tell you he is experiencing intense sexual feelings. Most of the men reading this will have seen themselves in the same or a similar state of arousal, dressed in women's clothes, fondling their own body and enjoying the sight of their own sexual excitement. I'm no exception. I do it as much as the next man.>>

Nadia-Maria :
Me too.

Nevertheless it often happen I may be crossdressed for a couple of days without significantly seeking for whatever sexual excitement. I just feel good and happy being somewhat or fully crossdressed, not needing more, and doing the activities that I have to. As an example, at this very moment, while crossdressed as usual when I’m alone, I am studying and responding your stuff, just feeling femme especially whenever my attention escapes a little from the work in progress.

On the forums (and polls) you will easily find CDers that even deny to ever crossdress for sexual reasons. Moreover, I remember another CDer (bisexual and living as a Tgirl for a great part of her time) saying that – when crossdressed – she experiences sexual feelings at moments, yet not quite often, just in the way most genuine women must do.

<< It is one of the things I find very curious about being a heterosexual transvestite. While I (and, no doubt, millions like me) will ogle myself and fondle myself, aroused and excited by the sight and feel of my own body, it is something that I only do while cross-dressed. I don't find myself at all titillating in my normal clothes, or naked. Now, why is that? >>

Nadia :
My experience is somewhat different from yours on this very point. As a rule, to be easily turned on, titillating requires at the same time the fancy : (a) either being close to a desirable woman ; (b) or being myself this desirable woman.
I understand you describe for yourself only the (b).

<< The simplistic answer (which doesn't explain anything) is that the female clothes are "fetish objects". That is, it is the clothing causing the arousal and the clothing that we are responding to. >>


Nadia :
I initiated CDing, about 5-6 yrs old, when I dressed secretely in the pink dress of my older sister. I can’t think of this experience as being a sexual thing at all. I now believe I did it because I wanted very much to be a girl as my sister, and/or to experience how it felt to be a girl. The experience was a success since I did it again and again, with only a fading interest between age 8-12.
As an older teenager I was apparently sexually slightly aroused, however without a correct understanding of the thing. Note that, I fully understood the sexual act and discovered the orgasm as late as aged 22.


If dismissing my early experiences - my CDing as a young adult (in my 20s-30s) would have certainly favored the fetishist hypothesis, since I was instantaneously turned on by initiating any CDing session, and I had to come back to drab immediately after the orgasm.

So that I have believed for almost 2 decades I was a fetishist, and especially after having studied the DSM-IV of the mental diseases.

Now, it is clear for me that female clothes are not, and never have been, fetish objects for me. I obviously like the sighting and feeling of beautiful and sexy clothes, however the sexual key is my fancy. I have to live, or at least fancy, a situation involving a real woman. And clothes (such as pictures or videos as well) are merely facilitating all the fancy process.

Nevertheless the fact that fetishism is not the right hypothesis for your and mine CDism do not imply fetishism doesn’t exist at all.

I believe there must be different categories of CDers. Obviously, you and me fall in the same broad category, since I identify extremely well with what you describe, but there still exist other categories of CDers, say at least for instance*:

Fetishists*: you can find many of them on Flickr*; they seem to be essentially porno addicted people, and on their pictures they differ greatly from Emma’s green picture*: their pics are all about their penis in female undies.

Full time Tgirls*: they seem to act obsessionnally as women, quite a few even having to protect themselves koz they «*experience*» monthly «*règles*».
They show themselves everyday to others as women, possibly for seeking confirmation and convincing themselves they «*are*» women.

Gay drag queens whose main motivation is to attract men.

MTF Transsexuals.

Even in our broad category of CDers (mainly heterosexual CDers), I can see differences, and maybe it is a whole continuum in this category from the mildest form of CDism (as you wrote, about one SD below average) to the strongest form (about one SD above average). And there seem to be a general trend along the life to evolve more or less towards the top end of the continuum (maybe a one SD move)


<< But not only is the whole fetish explanation of transvestitism empty (it merely replaces one mystery with another), it is also clearly wrong. Take a look again at the photograph and think again about how you interact with feminine clothes. It is my contention that the man in the picture is not aroused by the clothing, he is not being turned on by a dress or a wig. He is aroused by the transformation of his appearance, for which the clothes are merely instrumental. What's more, he is not simply feeling hot because he looks like a woman, he is projecting his transformed sexual identity so as to enjoy the feeling of being sexually desirable as a woman. >>

Nadia:
I definately agree.
Your comments fit well the picture of Emma in green.
I identify well with this picture.
Yet this picture may not account for every CDer.

<< To see this more clearly, look at the picture again. This time imagine it is a real woman. (I deliberately chose a man with a slim and feminine body shape to make this easier.) If this was a real woman, what does it look like she's doing? I'd say she was posing provocatively in order to attract men to her. She looks as if she's feeling aroused and she'd like someone to have sex with her. The arching of her back and the presentation of her breasts would be a clear sign to an ethologist or zoologist that she is ready to be mated. In fact, the scientific term for such behaviour in other species than ours is "presenting". >>

Nadia:
Well found, I mean.
I have taken suggestive videos where I’m doing exactly that myself.


<< So, going back to the picture, here we have what looks very much like a woman who is apparently aroused and signalling to us that she'd like sex. Now we need to ask ourselves; why is a man doing this? Indeed, why do we all--most of us heterosexuals--do this? Why are we acting as if we're trying to tempt a man to come and mate with us? And don't kid yourself that the attraction we try to generate is aimed at anything but men. Setting aside your awareness that this picture is of a man for the moment and being brutally honest with yourself, you have to admit that, on some level, this picture arouses sexual feelings in you. It's a normal masculine response to the purely visual illusion of an aroused and sexually receptive female. You also have to admit that this appearance and pose is likely to do nothing for a heterosexual woman.>>

Nadia:
Much agreed. I share your reasoning.


<< So why do we do this? I think the possibilities are these:
1. We do really want a man to have sex with us. Although we don't know it or admit it, we are all closet homosexuals or, perhaps more accurately, closet transsexuals.
2. We are doing it as part of some kind of fantasy play-acting. We pose for ourselves the way we would like a woman to pose for us and imagine our mirror image or self-image to be a genuine woman.
3. We feel a wholly auto-erotic desire to have sex only with our transformed selves.
4. We feel an 'abstract' sense of wanting to appear feminine and desirable which is not directed at any external person or group but which is complete in itself.
5. We do it purely to imitate women we have seen, to add to the illusion of being female, and not for any reason to do with sex.
I think it is quite probable that, for different individuals among us, any one of these motives might be the main one. I also think that most of us will have more than one of these motives working at the same time. However, I am not looking at individuals here. I want to understand what motivates the great majority of us. So, if you happen not to fit the answers I come up with, that's fine, as long as you are special. If you are not special, and you still don't fit, then let me know because it means I got it wrong somewhere. >>

Nadia:
About Agreed.
I would modify your point 5, by removing the inadequate words «*and not for any reason to do with sex*». Point 5 would then become*:

"We do it purely to imitate women female sex symbols, porno stars or prostitutes we have seen, to add to the illusion of being the most strikingly female, a desirable woman in the most female expression of feminity, that is in the sex act."

My own conviction is*: clothes may discriminate rather convincingly women from men, but they are just clothes. Only the sexual act is what can ultimately discriminate women from men*!

Then, to reach CDing’s aim, the ultimate crossdressing move is play-acting a sexual act where the CDer is the female partner.
CDism has to do, I guess, with even ultimately trying to experience a female orgasm, to really happen to know what it is to be a woman.


I ‘m living my crossdressing as sort of an artistic expression. Like others are painters or play the piano, I express artistic tendancies by crossdressing. I interpret the role of a desirable woman in my theater. I know that I’m only a mere interpret, but at times I try to be the best possible actress. The play may last for several hours to several days. It involves mainly clothing and the play is mainly not sexual.
Usually the non-sexual play may please me enough so that I happen to end the play and come back willingly to my drab persona.

But, at times, I strive for being a better actress, still more convincing. Ultimately I will try to believe for a moment I will be a real woman. I will play-acting a sexual act where I’m the female partner. The male partner will be a virtual one*: he has no importance at all. At the beginning of the play-acting, I will fancy to play both roles, the female partner and the male one too. In the play I can play successively the female role and the male role, as in a one (wo)man show.

I always keep knowing it is a fancy, maybe except for the very few moments before the orgasm. Otherwise I will not have the orgasm. Maybe for the very few last seconds, the virtual male partner ceases to be myself to become whatever man as I mentally shift to the feelings of my female self concentrating in experiencing a female orgasm.


<< Going through the possibilities above,
(...)

But to the woman, all she feels is an urge to dress up because it makes her feel good. Attracting mates is just a side effect that Nature finds useful. For some reason, perhaps to do with a quirk of our early development, transvestite males have also developed this brain function. For us, it has no benefit whatsoever but has the side effect of making men, including ourselves, find us sexually arousing. >>

Nadia:
I find much insight in this conclusion.

Yet it doesn’t explain why I want to be all like a woman, and then experience a female orgasm, as the ultimate feminine characteristic.*

[darla_g]

I really liked reading Bev's sentiments in this thread. At the risk of not just being a "me-too" I would say she has hit the mark as far as I am concerned. I think the next trick is conveying that idea to a SO who may not quite get it. There's always hope.

[TommiTN]

Nadia,

You have just validated a thought I have had for some years regarding crossdressing and crossdressers. That is that we are way above average when it comes to imaginative ability, and thus, intelligence.

I believe you are also correct in your statement that in the end (no pun intended) a large proportion of us are seeking what we perceive to be the penultimate experience of femininity, the female climax (actually the penultimate would be pregnancy and childbirth, but that truly is impossible except in the tabloid press). Few may admit this to themselves, and many of those who do may never pursue it, possibly out of fear that they may find out more than they wanted to know about themselves.

Great post!

[Rachaelb64]

Bev that was a very insightful post.

But I like being a social misfit, I've never really done well running with the pack, always on the outside, cus its more fun.

And I finally accepted myself, its been a long hard slog but I'm here

Just one thing, there is a theory that not all twin embryos develop, one at some stage one absorbs the other, some dont fully absorb, hence conjoined twins.

Theory goes (if I remmeber rightly) one twin (male) absorbs the second twin (female) or vice a versa. Thus the male (or female) develops with a letent gender, female (male), within their gentic make-up. Thus the male/female grows up with conflicting gentic desires, which are either expressed or surpressed.

Therefore the male dressing up in female clothes is expressing the 'inner' female (or vice a versa) because of a absorbed female (male) gentic code.

Sorry its sounds a bit vague but I can't remember it fully or exactly were I read it.

Another theory is that there is not enough male (or too much for FtM) hormone produce by the mother in the womb at a certin time.

I've always preferred the twin one myself as I've always that I should have been one of two

[Bev06 GG]

Well Rachael,
I had to read that a few times before I got it. Interesting theory.
Bev

[Rachaelb64]

Well Rachael,
I had to read that a few times before I got it. Interesting theory.
Bev

My brain hurt just trying to remember it I just wish I could remember were I had read in the 1st place! All I can remember its was a side article, in a science/health mag in an article about twins

[Ruth]

The ybatv blog makes very interesting reading, and the writer has obviously thought long and hard about CDing. However, I disagree with it in so many ways I don't know where to start. Maybe when I have more time I'll write up some comments for her.

[Emily Anderson]

While there is certainly some truth to wrong wiring, I think this really only applies to TS's... Who basically know from early on that they were born into the wrong body.

For CD's, I think it's more a question of desire to express oneself as one feels.

There is probably a gray area in between...

[Pamela Julie]

I don't feel like I am crossdressing when I am wearing femme clothing; I feel like I am dressing my gender. I feel strange wearing male clothes although born physically a male and have been dressing in male clothes all my life.

Pamela

[Nicole Erin]

I cannot put my finger on what caused me to want to dress but I can say why - I like to present pretty. Not that I am some super model or anything, but I like to show off my legs in hose, my pretty watch, and just look more on the femme side. I want to be pretty. I don't know what caused it.

why do I ride Motorcycles?
Why do I collect comics?
Why do I keep my toe nail clipings?

Motorcycle riding - We all have a masculine hobby, a REAL masculine one, and that is just yours. I like to work on cars.

Comics? Well, we all have some kind of thing we do to hang on to a piece of our childhood. I like to play video games and I still like to take walks to many of the places I played when I was a kid.

Toenail clippings - Well, ummmm, Jeffery Dahmer used to collect body parts. His fridge actually sold on ebay - seating for 6 and plenty of headroom.

Maybe post your clippings on ebay or craigslist?

[TommiTN]

There was a report that when he invited his mother to his apartment to have dinner she complained about the neighbors. His reply was "Well, just eat the vegetables, then". (rim shot) Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all week. Tell your friends.

[daviolin]

I've been doing it all my life and It used to bother me. But now I realize It's just a way of life for us guy's. And I don't care what anybody say's (except my wife) I hope to tell her soon. And after that what the hell. I'll wear anything I want in public.Daviolin