Last night.........

[JD Jade Dream GG]

OK
It's 2 days later
God, it's been fun!
We are at his house right now,
everything 'normal' if there is a normal.
Nothng is settled in the divoce.
Nothing is settled in the hard process of letting go.
I cannot explain why I keep trying to seduce him.
I cannot explain why I am not angry ALL the time about
what he has done. Why is he not angry all the time abut what
I did? We sometimes just want to 'keep it light'.
We sometimes just want to enjoy the sexual side of our relationship.
Believe me, sometimes it's extremely heavy and we don't speak
for a time. When that happens, I miss him. He's my best friend.
Or he was. And sometimes he still is. And the roller coaster
ride just starts again. Where was this passion 6 monhs ago?
Where was the spark needed to light the marital fire? I let it burn
out, then he did. If only we had realized before the embers died,
if only we had discovered you guys, if only.......a lot of things.

No matter, damage is done.
Love is still love.
My husband is still my husband. For now..
He is special. He has proven, even after the unforgiveable affair, to
still be important to me. Our kids LOVE him. He is forever integrated
in my life.

Perhaps in 78 days, I will seek something and someone new.
Perhaps in 78 days I will have successfully enticed him back home.
Too hard to tell right now!
Stay tuned and you will all know what happens as we
are trying to figure it all out.

JD

[eleyna]

Jade: We don't really know the particulars [nor need to], but as you might have seen from other threads here, the whole cd/femme thing can be chaotically confusing, and lead guys to make stupid mistakes without neccessarily meaning to make them. If mistakes have been made, its your place to decide whether to accept them or not, and nobody's place to tell you whether you are right or wrong in how you feel

If you are looking to repair things, to find a way forward, to try and understand why things might have happened, then there are folks here who have suffered mistakes they've made and moved on from them, others for whom their mistakes were irreconcilable, and others who have been saved from them.

It sounds like you've both found a new spark in things, and that something is still there to save. But I suspect both your posts here are as confusing to each other as they are to us, which may neuter anything good that remains...

[Tina P Hose]

Good Luck !

[Jennaie]

hmmm.. let's see here, she outed you to everyone and now she want's you to stay, even though she has told everyone. I think I would have an evening on the town with her. Everyone who matters knows anyway, and now you two can go out as girlfriends and shop till you drop.

Your out now, and that's "under the bridge", so I would suggest that you try to get over the hurt and see how willing she is to truly accept you and go out with you, since she is the one who "outed" you and now she wants you to stay, lets see how well she faces the music, and, if she faces it with a smile on her face, I think you two have all the makings of a beautiful marriage here.

I wish both of you the best of luck. Talk with each other and be honest.

[JD Jade Dream GG]

Love, was not the problem.
Sex, not a problem.
CD, no problem.
Cheating, MAJOR problem.
Retalitory betrayal....MAJOR problem.
I did NOT out him to the entire plant.
I did not tell everyone.
I kept his secret for 21 years.
I told my councelor, my lawyer, and E-maled his gf/secretary.
After that, I read the e-mail to his 26 year old twins,
Then I told my 2 sisters and a couple of my friends.
All in the space of one hateful weekend.
Sure I regretted it, I felt bad. I feel bad. I am sorry.
The biggest problem in my eyes is that she is sill his secretary.
So what if they are not sleeping together anymore.
He will not leave his job. Nor will he fire his assistant.
I have a problem with that.
I am convinced that this friendship/employee is a marriage breaker,
He is not able/willing to end it. (sexual harassment/wrongful termination)
He's stuck. I'm stuck. Get the picture.
I get the picture. I do not like the photo.
If I could I would delete the problem.
Otherwise, the marriage could be saved.
He can't do it. I can't save it.
The end of it is near. The love is proving difficult to ignore.
Difficult to save. Easy to feel.
The whole thing is complicated. He's not 100% sure it should end.
I never wanted it to end. I have only agreed(under the circumstances)
that it has to end.
6 months ago....
I could have told you that my husband was
1000% faithful.
1000% trustable.
completely worthy of everyone's respect.
My, how things have changed.
My, how my thoughts and opinion of him have changed.
My, how some of my thoughts and feelings haven't.
My, how bizarre my life has been.
It's like the Jerry Springer go-round.
I HATE Jerry Springer!

[Yes I am]

It's like a bad poetry jam in here.

[Jennaie]

I hate Jerry too. I also hate when one partner in the relationship stumbles and it creates an avalanche that seems to get worse and worse. I do hope you two are able to take the time to get things figured out without making any more emotional decisions that accomplish nothing more than anger, pain, regret and sorrow.

[vbcdgrl]

If the divorcees sleep together, it voids the divorce? HuH! Anyway, Jade, if it's a "point and shoot" camera with a "Auto" position, just set the pixel count(resolution) to the lowest setting, and take the pictures.

Vikki

[GG Vanya]

If the divorcees sleep together, it voids the divorce? HuH! Anyway, Jade, if it's a "point and shoot" camera with a "Auto" position, just set the pixel count(resolution) to the lowest setting, and take the pictures.

Vikki

I didn't say "divorcees". This law pertains to the separation period BEFORE the divorce is final. Censensual sexual relations are regarded as reconciliation. i.e. all is forgiven

[Robin Leigh]

The biggest problem in my eyes is that she is sill his secretary.
So what if they are not sleeping together anymore.
He will not leave his job. Nor will he fire his assistant.
I have a problem with that.

Fair enough. I think a lot of people would have a problem with that, Jade.
I didn't realize the "other woman" was his secretary. I know some PAs can get very protective towards their boss.

Vera says that he turned to her because he needed a woman to discuss CD issues with, and you weren't interested. He also claims that he became emotionally close to her, but didn't sleep with her until after he moved out of home. At least that's better than a full-on sexual affair behind your back, isn't it?

Robin

I simply can't ignore the gravitational affect on my leg.

Either way, it's drama in its finest form is it not?

I think this is one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" scenarios. It's just too bizarre to be made-up. Did you read the thread where Vera had to rescue Jade when the car she was in went off the road & into the Pacific Ocean? That's so weird it has to be true.

I can't wait for the telemovie.

Seriously, I can imagine a CD making up a story like this, but why would a GG do it? I assume, with the GG after her name, that JD Jade Dream is the genuine article...

Robin

[Caitlintgsd]

sounds like to me you should be putting this divorce on hold and going to a marriage guidance counsellor as you clearly love each other and your wife is clearly loving your female side , yes there has been hurt in the past through affairs and such but it doesnt have to end here, if you dont want it too and clearly you dont

And hopefully it's not like a new candy. Great at first but one gets weary of it soon.

[JD Jade Dream GG]

Fair enough. I think a lot of people would have a problem with that, Jade.
I didn't realize the "other woman" was his secretary. I know some PAs can get very protective towards their boss.

Vera says that he turned to her because he needed a woman to discuss CD issues with, and you weren't interested. He also claims that he became emotionally close to her, but didn't sleep with her until after he moved out of home. At least that's better than a full-on sexual affair behind your back, isn't it?

Robin

Robin,
Did he really say that?
He didn't need someone else to discuss CD with. He needed a friend.
Friends are great. I had no problem with her as a friend.
She was our friend. Progressed from honest friendship to emotional
affair. Crossed that line to kissing. I found out. Wanted it over.
He said he wanted to save marriage. Too many arguments about her.
He gets hotel for 2 weeks, Sleeps with her. Was he moved out?
Or did he leave so he could fullfill his desire for her? IMO he was
still married. Behind my back or in my face, sleeping with someone
else is never justifiable if you are married.
He'd much more prefer noone know about CD, so I believe.

I think this is one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" scenarios. It's just too bizarre to be made-up. Did you read the thread where Vera had to rescue Jade when the car she was in went off the road & into the Pacific Ocean? That's so weird it has to be true.

I can't wait for the telemovie.

Seriously, I can imagine a CD making up a story like this, but why would a GG do it? I assume, with the GG after her name, that JD Jade Dream is the genuine article...

Robin

Again to Robin,
This story is true but taken out of context,
I was a passenger in a car that went 50 mph into Vaughn Bay.
Vera did not rescue me but was helpful in taking care of
the details the next day. I am grateful for the help.
You assume correctly about me being a GG.

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Jade,

Robin,
Did he really say that?

I'm was pretty sure he did, but I can't find a quote for you. Anyway, I got the impression you knew about Vera's Cding from the start of your marriage, but were never supportive.

He didn't need someone else to discuss CD with. He needed a friend.
Friends are great. I had no problem with her as a friend.
She was our friend. Progressed from honest friendship to emotional
affair. Crossed that line to kissing. I found out. Wanted it over.

Kissing may not seem like a big deal to some, but I know I wouldn't be happy with that situation. You had every right to demand a stop to this liason for the sake of your marriage, IMHO.

He said he wanted to save marriage. Too many arguments about her.
He gets hotel for 2 weeks, Sleeps with her. Was he moved out?
Or did he leave so he could fullfill his desire for her? IMO he was
still married. Behind my back or in my face, sleeping with someone
else is never justifiable if you are married.

It's not justifiable, but it seems that Vera was seriously thinking of leaving you at that stage, Jade. It looks like the two of you have different understandings about what sort of behaviour is acceptable & what crosses the line. You really need to discuss this & work out where your boundaries really lie, rather than assuming you know where each other is at. Because of familiarity, it's easy for partners to assume they both see things pretty much the same way, when in reality they have quite different perspectives.

He'd much more prefer noone know about CD, so I believe.

Being a CD, you get used to being secretive, especially those of us from the older generations. And we can react in a really nasty manner when outed involuntarily, especially when it is done in malice...

This story is true but taken out of context,
I was a passenger in a car that went 50 mph into Vaughn Bay.
Vera did not rescue me but was helpful in taking care of
the details the next day. I am grateful for the help.

Sorry, I got that jumbled up a bit. But he did come to your emotional rescue & help get the car out of the bay the next day, didn't he? He obviously feels a sense of duty & is protective towards you.

You assume correctly about me being a GG.

That's what you say. Actually, I was just diplomatically pointing out to other readers that you must be a GG, since you don't get GG after your name without verification. A CD might make up a story like this, but a GG? I don't think so, Tim.

Robin

[Christina Nicole]

Love, was not the problem.
The biggest problem in my eyes is that she is sill his secretary.
So what if they are not sleeping together anymore.
He will not leave his job. Nor will he fire his assistant.
I have a problem with that.
I am convinced that this friendship/employee is a marriage breaker,
He is not able/willing to end it. (sexual harassment/wrongful termination)
He's stuck. I'm stuck. Get the picture.
I get the picture. I do not like the photo.

I understand the problem you both have. Since the affair was consensual by both parties harassment is most likely not an issue. Office affairs are still pretty common. He should get HR involved. HR will simply offer an equal or better position to the admin and that is that.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole