dressing rooms

[Dana Jones]

Hi ladies, Went shopping the other day for bargains. I was in the local mall and went into Banana Republic. I have bought stuff there before. I checked out the sales rack and found a silk cami with no price. The nice sales girl about in her early fourties came up and asked if she could help. I asked the price. She checked and it was $16. I was debating because I have so many already. It was ok, but nothing spectacular. I asked if I could try it. I have done this in this store about 3 other times. She looked at me and then said sure and called a very young girl over to open the dressing room. She asked if she would let me in a dressing room and handed me the top. This wouldn't be so bad but the young girl was already bringing a gentle men to the dressing area and I felt like like, hey look at this guy trying on womens tops!! So she led both of us in and I thanked her holding my silk cami. She then said to the gentlemen "wait lets go down here, this is the womens side" Wow I turned about 80 shades of red. I decided not to buy. When I came out the original girl asked if there was anything else? I said no I have been embaressed enough for one day and left. It was just really weird. Usually everyone is very discrete and I have no problem. This day I felt like I was announced as a crossdresser. Dana

[tekla west]

Back when I spend a couple of decades with the Grateful Dead following me around the country one of my tour buddies always said "Sometimes your going to the show, sometimes your at the show, and sometimes you ARE the show."

That is when your know the spotlight is on you - and at the risk of creating another drama queen - you take that moment as your own.

PS, I imagine that for many girls in here what happened to you is a life-long dream. So go with it, in fact, the did give you what you wanted didn't they?

[Dana Jones]

If it was a room full of women I would have been thrilled. Another guy just makes me uncomfortable admitting I dress and I have dressed since I was probably 5 years old. Now I am 41. I am getting MUCH braver and an attitude that it is MY life.

[connie rotten]

Last month I went into a dressing room to try on some jeans and there were over half a dozen lady's wear outfits sizes 10 -12 hanging up in it. None of them was anything I would buy, but I did try them all on in every combination.The size 10s were not even a bit snug

[JasmineR]

Dana Jones Posted:

If it was a room full of women I would have been thrilled. Another guy just makes me uncomfortable admitting I dress and I have dressed since I was probably 5 years old. Now I am 41. I am getting MUCH braver and an attitude that it is MY life.

I'm the same way, if men are in the store I am a little less likely to make my CDing known.

But yes in most cases associates are nice about your dressing. She was just being rude.

It is funny though, I will go to Wet Seal sometimes and try things on... maybe even purchase... and they are not bashful at all. I'll walk out and they are like, did that work out for you. Not to be rude, they just act like it's a common occurance. No one seems to care that I'm coming out of the dressing room when that happens either.

[EricaCD]

Send am E-mail to Banana Republic's customer relations department. (The link will be on the web site.) Be sure to let them know that you have bought stuff at BR before, that you appreciated their policy of friendliness to all customers, and that you were treated inexcusably by a customer service rep at ____ store on ____ date at _____ time. You should also explain that they essentially lost two customers at once, as you will not be buying from them for your male wardrobe either.

Believe me, these complaints do not just go into the circular file. Every single retail store is currently in a sales deathmatch against the big box stores and online retailers. You may get some satisfaction.

More generally, I try to make a point of emailing customer relations for any retailer at which I have a notable experience (positive or negative) in doing shopping for women's clothes. We are actually a pretty big market - given the razor thin margins of the retail business. I am not an expert on retailing but I suspect that even small numbers of comments can cause a sizable shift in retailers' attitudes.

Erica

[SherryLynn GG]

Maybe its just me, but I dont see how this girl was being that rude....I mean im sure the other man wasnt blind and could see what was being tried on

Not to mention you said she was a young girl, maybe she was new, maybe she didnt realize what she was doing when she said that....maybe she didnt figure youd mind her saying it was the womens side since in fact you were trying on womens clothing0.02

[Dana Jones]

It was the older woman that I was upset about. I was quiet and discrete and very low voiced. She is the one who held the cami up and called across the dept. If I had mens clothes it wouldn't have bothered me. I was just trying to be low keyed and discrete and maybe it was no big deal to her but it was to me.

[SherryLynn GG]

Even still, im not understanding

Alot of the CDers on this board complain because they arent accepted, well she obviously didnt care what you were trying on but you expected her to go out of her way to make you more comfortable.

The way I see it, if you dont want people to know youre trying on womens clothes then maybe you shouldnt try them on in public places.

I dont mean to sound so harsh here but I dont see why a CDer should get "special" treatment when they go into a store just because they dont want people knowing what they do. If youre wanting to be equal to women then you should know that we deal with the same things. If we're trying something on that is sexy or revealing we may not want the whole store to know but I dont expect a certain salesperson to drop what she's doing to help me when another one is going to the dressing room.

Thats just my opinion. and my 0.02

Not trying to offend anyone

[suspender]

Who knows, the other guy could have been a CDr as well - he may have tried on his outfit in the mens area!

[EricaCD]

Sherry, to a degree your argument is fair. This is certainly not egregious conduct - we have heard of plenty of instances on this forum where a salesperson's conduct went well past insensitive to outrageous.

That said, I disagree with your implicit assertion that the salespeople did nothing wrong. To argue by analogy, perhaps you would not mind if you were lingerie shopping and the lady held up a bra you were considering and shouted across the store to another saleslady? Maybe you wouldn't care, but hopefully you would agree that this is not good form...

Usually a sales person shouldn't do a "handoff" to another sales clerk unless one clerk is front of shop and another is for dressing rooms. In the latter case, one would think that a salesperson wishing to deal politely with a crossdresser would come up with a more discreet way of flagging down her colleague. And the younger one could probably have come up with a more discreet way of suggesting that a crossdresser would be expected to try on clothes in the men's area. Perhaps to ask the customer to hold on while she attended to the other (male) customer?

In any case, what matters is that the two salespeople managed to embarrass a customer, through several missteps that cumulatively killed a sale. (Under the circumstances I would have been mortified.) I don't think this rises to the level of demanding special treatment: it is asking sales people to use their brains at least enough to recognize that this is an instance where a modicum of discretion would be called for.

Erica

[Jodi]

I spent the afternoon shopping. I was in drab. I spent about an hour in the BCBG/Max Azaria store. I tried on about 1/2 dozen outfits in the fitting room. When I came out, two women were standing there. They looked at me and I just smiled and said--great clothes. The one woman asked what I bought, and the other woman asked me how the fit was. Sorry to sound harsh, but if you are going to be afraid of life as a cd, jump into the closet and never come out. I went next to the Ninewest store. They had all their summer shoes on sale for $19.99. I spent about 45 minutes in there trying on shoes. The store was crowded (Sunday Afternoon always is). I was asked by one woman how a certain sandal fit and felt. Another remarked positively about my nice pedicure. Here I was, A guy among women, trying on shoes, and it was no big deal. I bought four pair of shoes. I'm sorry, but I don't think Dana's situation was that big of a deal. If something that minor is going to scare and embarrass you, then maybe you need some courage training. I'm sorry, I might be harsh, but you get no sympathy from me.

Jodi

[SherryLynn GG]

Usually a sales person shouldn't do a "handoff" to another sales clerk unless one clerk is front of shop and another is for dressing rooms. In the latter case, one would think that a salesperson wishing to deal politely with a crossdresser would come up with a more discreet way of flagging down her colleague. And the younger one could probably have come up with a more discreet way of suggesting that a crossdresser would be expected to try on clothes in the men's area. Perhaps to ask the customer to hold on while she attended to the other (male) customer? Erica

So basically they should have given him special treatment because he's a CDer?? Thats what im seeing here. How do you know that the other person wasnt for dressing rooms?? I mean she was already heading that way why couldnt she take care of it?? He's already said he wouldnt have said a word if he was trying on men's clothing but expected special treatment because he chose to try on womens clothing.

If you wanna get technical how do you know that they didnt think he was a woman??? I have an aunt that gets mistaken for a man all the time, people dont know whether to call her sir or Ma'am and she's not a CDer. Maybe they thought he was a woman and didnt wanna make him uncomfortable asking??? Unless you talk to these women you dont know what was going thru their heads, but still in my opinion they did their job, they treated him as they would any other customer which is HOW HE SHOULDA BEEN TREATED!!!

Again this is only my opinion and im not trying to offend, but I still dont see why these 2 ladies should get reported for doing their job.

[Tamara Croft]

Erica, I don't agree with what you are saying about making a complaint. Dana chose a top to try on, did he ask the sales lady to be discreteful about it? or did he just expect her to? It's not up to her to make him feel comfortable, its up the customer to make things perfectly clear in the first place. What is it with some Americans, they have to sue or make complaints about minor things?? You want them both to lose their jobs just because they didn't 'mind read' and make Dana feel comfortable? Wow, you know, that's really sad!!!

Dana - It's clear that they didn't care what you tried on in the shop, they probably see it all the time. But if you were so worried about it, then it's your own fault for not saying something. It's like buying a car, you don't expect the sales person to know exactly what you want when you walk into their showroom do you eh? No, you 'tell them' exactly want you want.

BTW, you are a crossdresser and if you don't want the whole world to know, then don't go trying on womens clothing in shops.

[Katrina]

I have mixed feelings on this one. If there was "yelling" across the store, I can see how that would be embarassing - heck, I would be slightly embarassed if it happened in the men's section and I was just trying on men's clothes. It just seems a bit classless. On the other hand, in order to try stuff on in a store, you are going to need to be a bit more thick-skinned. I'm not there yet and that's why I am very discreet when I do things like try on shoes although I'm getting more bold.

[Maria2004]

What is it with some Americans, they have to sue or make complaints about minor things??

I'm shocked and dismayed. (slaps Tamara for once)

[Dana Jones]

I just equate this with the guy in the grocery store and the cashier pages for a price check on the preperation H. I am not overly concerned but was uncomfortable being in drab on my lunch.

[Caitlintgsd]

It was the older woman that I was upset about. I was quiet and discrete and very low voiced. She is the one who held the cami up and called across the dept. If I had mens clothes it wouldn't have bothered me. I was just trying to be low keyed and discrete and maybe it was no big deal to her but it was to me.

I recall a time when I was purchasing a bra at a Lane Bryant's. I took the item up to the register and set it down on the counter. This little bimbo stood there waving the bra above her head as high as she could while she was completing the transaction. I noticed that I never saw her in there again. I'm sure that I wasn't the only person to recieve her special treatment.

[GG Vanya]

I don't see the grief in this either.

You were trying on something from the ladies department, she called the dressing room attendant back to unlock the doors. The attendant already had a guy wanting to try something on, so she directed you to the ladies dressing room, and the man to the men's dressing room.

Where's the rub?

I think if the sales clerks had given you preferential treatment, and acted all hush hush it would have created a scene.

As it was, they treated you as if it was NO BIG DEAL.

Sounds to me as if clerks can't please some CD's either way.

I'm with Tamara on this...write to the home office? Sheeeeesh, maybe if you do that they'll roll out the red carpet next time you deign to darken their doors. At least the carpet will match your face, no?

[Maria2004]

Sounds to me as if clerks can't please some CD's either way.

Sounds to me like some GG's like to bring their anti-CD and anti-American agenda to the wrong sub-forum. Glad you and Tamara are great friends You have Tamara's "back" because you know where she's coming from, and I have Dana's back because I know where he's coming from, what's next?

[Tamara Croft]

I'm shocked and dismayed. (slaps Tamara for once)

I said 'some' and don't you slap me, I slap harder !!!! besides, it's true what I said.

This young sales girl, what if...... I said 'if' so take notes now what if, she is a one parent family, struggling to make ends meet, then along comes a guy who didn't get preferencial treatment to try on a 'womans' top in the 'womans' department!!!!!! complains that he didn't get treated right and she gets sacked. How nice is that..... all because she actually treated Dana like just another customer and didn't really care what he was trying on.

Can you not see how all this looks? Just because you are a crossdressers, does not mean you should get special treatment in shops. You are no different to any other person trying on clothes, whatever it is you're trying on.

[tekla west]

No, I should not get special treatment because I'm a CD. I should get special treatment because I'm just so darn wonderful.

[Maria2004]

Can you not see how all this looks? Just because you are a crossdressers, does not mean you should get special treatment in shops. You are no different to any other person trying on clothes, whatever it is you're trying on.

Totally agreed Tamara, but it's takes a CD time to learn this, and it's a "human" condition, not a country of origin condition. I saw your reply to the ignorent post about WWII, I agreed with your reply, it happened twice WWI too I read UK news, I'm aware of the 7-7 bombings rememberence and "blame" = USA . Seems you were kinda sensitive about "Americans" in this reply to what is a common thread. Your an "Admin" and slap "hard"

[GG Vanya]

Sounds to me like some GG's like to bring their anti-CD and anti-American agenda to the wrong sub-forum. Glad you and Tamara are great friends You have Tamara's "back" because you know where she's coming from, and I have Dana's back because I know where he's coming from, what's next?

ROFLMAO PIMP even...anti CD? My dear ill informed friend...I am married to a CD because I chose to marry one! I didn't find out after marriage like some SO's here did. Obviously you haven't bothered to check out my previous posts LOL....I absolutely LOVE the fact that my husband is a CD...

Anti AMERICAN? Again my dear ill informed friend...I am 1/2 Cherokee..you know...the ORIGINAL Americans???

And just because I happen to agree with Tamara on something does not mean we're "great friends", but if we are, is there something wrong with that?

Now, got any more flaming arrows you care to sling my way?? If so, make sure you don't go off half cocked and totally miss.

BTW, I'm sorry someone pooped in your Post Toasties today...t'wasn't me so give it a rest already.

[Karren H]

Exactually why I like stores with unassisted dressing rooms. No one really needs to know what I'm trying on.. Kohl's is my favorite... There the sales clerks usually compliment me on my taste in womens clothing when I check out!! :D

If I were you I'd shop somewhere else and write a letter and tell the company why!!

Love Karren