Age versus Experience

[xNicolex]

OK so given the vast amounts of combined age's and experience among the members on here, which works better for you? Or is it a combination of both age and experience that gives you the self confidence to present in public without over thinking it. I am asking this because I am 27 and up until 5 months ago I was in the closet about my dressing I spent over 10 years fumbling around in there trying to make sense of this uncontrollable urge. I feel as though approaching my thirties I have already wasted so much of my youth hiding from it when I could have embraced and enjoyed it I have been out very recently in the city en femme and I returned home with a sense of excitement and couldn't wait to do it again. Last night I got dressed up and headed out for drive with my GF. I remembered how excited I felt before and thought this can't be any different right? Wrong Nicole, your not in the city now your in a much more rural area where the LGBT scene is literally non existent, I mean there isn't a gay bar within 50 miles of us We get to the shopping center a couple of towns away from where we live and I fell that it is still to close to home as we shop there once a week. My GF asked if I was going to come in with her to pick up some bits and pieces but I froze up terrified that someone would notice me and so I stayed in the car I am disappointed with myself I just couldn't stop over thinking the negative outcomes that, however improbable they may have been still somehow kept me in my car which I now dub the mobile closet I will try again tomorrow night at the movies I just hope one day I will have the experience to sack up and head out without as many excuses to stay in thanks for reading.

[Rachelakld]

For me, after working hard and climbing the corporate ladder, a redundancy at the age of 45 put me back at the bottom.
I don't have the motivation or energy to spend another 25 years trying to climb back up.
Since I don't intend to re-climb, I can relax, enjoy life and not worry about what work mates might think, plus it's a different world now.
So age and experience has taught me to start living before it's to late.

[reb.femme]

...I feel as though approaching my thirties I have already wasted so much of my youth hiding from it when I could have embraced and enjoyed it...

... I just hope one day I will have the experience to sack up and head out without as many excuses to stay in thanks for reading.

Nicole,

Wasted youth? You've barely begun! I feel as old as the hills these days, but it doesn't make it any easier to get over the fear of going out dressed. There are plenty of younger members on here getting out dressed, so age doesn't appear to be the enabling factor.

My biggest worry is being busted locally and bringing crap to my front door. Other than that, I would have no problems going out, so I know the feelings that are running through your veins.

You still have plenty of time and many unwrinkled years in which to enjoy your dressing and eventually going out regularly.

Becky

[Cheryl T]

For me it was finally accepting myself, albeit at an age where I could say "the heck with what they think".
I would have loved to have been able to venture in public in my 20's, Lord knows where I'd be today had I done that. The times weren't right and I wasn't either. Now with my age and experience I can just do it and not look back.

[LaurenS]

So age and experience has taught me to start living before it's too late.

This - now!

I'm getting the AARP cards in the mail now. wish I could do a System Restore to about 1985.

Carpe diem!

[Ressie]

Most people are too involved in themselves to even notice a CD in public. But I can understand the fear of being clocked by someone you know. The only way you'd be recognized is close up, but then - Most people are too involved in themselves to even notice a CD in public.

[josrphine]

Hi Nicolex Yes age can bring you to that point of what the heck. I wish I had come out earler , I look good now as i live almost 75 % of my life dressed as a women. There are many reasons that you can make, it is up to you an you alone. I am willing to bet a nice cup of coffee that if when you look in the mirror you don't see your male self. Go with your G F shopping dress like she is dressed . Once you do, it becomes easier. I had gone with my wife a couple of weeks ago to church services , I all way go as Josephine. When we walked into the front door there standing in front of me was my across a street neighbor I got the panic mode. She did not say anything an went about her way. Later on we were sitting in room were the service was to be held, an I said to my self what the heck i might as well say hello. I walk over to were she was sitting an sat next to her an said Hi she said hello . There was this silent moment an I said you don't know me??? she said no, I then said I am Joe from across the street. She then looked at me an said no way. We talked for a while an I went back to my wife an told her about how she didn't know me. We laughed, if you dress to blend in your chance's of being outed are 85% not to be found out. You are a very good looking women, there is no excuse if you are going to keep dressing. It will get easier, go for it. JO P S I live if Flordia an will be 75 in april

[bridget thronton]

I think it is both. As I get older I get less concerned about what others think and I have been out so many times without incident that I am convinced other people do not care about what I do.

[Jenniferathome]

Age has allowed my experience. Over time, I have come to realize what is important to care about and what is not. Ask yourself this: why do you care what a stranger might think? No one wants to be embarrassed, I certainly do not, but that fear is really unfounded. THAT is what time/age has taught me.

[Pat]

Nicole -- the real problem you describe is a sense that you don't have "permission" to be there. That's the nut you need to crack (age solves itself.)

You worry about the comments that aren't actually being made (because you're sitting in the car.) The only place those comments are being made is in your head. And in your head, you have a contrary little demon (the same one who told your five year old self that you'd never be able to ride a two wheeler, the one who told your teenage self you'd never have a girlfriend) who is saying these things and you're believing them.

I have a long screed about letting words describe you but not define you and here's the area where it gets tricky -- I don't know how you self-identify, but for the moment lets use the word crossdresser. That describes your actions, and I often say you shouldn't let a word define you as in you shouldn't say to yourself "I'm a crossdresser, so I have to go out in public dressed as a woman." But if you do want to go out in public dressed as a woman, then you have to accept that you are a crossdresser and that's a perfectly valid behavior for a crossdresser to engage in. You have a right to do this. ("No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here...")

The comments you're afraid of? The comments that are keeping you in the car? Nobody is saying those. They're in your head. And you're believing them. That's why you won't let you out of the car. The thing to work on is the acceptance that you have the right to get out of that car and walk into the store and engage in normal human activities. And if someone makes a comment to his friend as you walk by, you're not going to hear it so it's no different to you than if it had never been made. And if someone makes a comment to you as you walk by, you're going to let it pass because you know it's just ignorance. You have to accept that you're part of the show and you have to be gracious about that. In return you'll get that awesome feeling you're seeking -- the feeling you had in the city where you have given yourself permission to be.

But here's the biggest tip -- be forgiving of yourself. You found a comfort level that worked for you in the city. Repeat that as often as you like to get comfortable. Understand you don't have to go into the local store until you're ready to do it. And if you're never ready, that's OK too. No duties or responsibilities arise from being a crossdresser. If you find that you're suddenly worried about the impact to friends, family or job then forgive yourself for pulling back. If you find that you're having too much fun, forgive yourself for that too.

[Rogina B]

Your girlfriend is a real "keeper". She wants you to be confident and comfortable while out and about..Look your blendable best and grow a thick skin. Life is too short not to be able to enjoy yourself.

[Alice Torn]

Nicole, You are so very fortunate to have a GF, who is accepting, to go out with. Some of us have always been loners going out. At age 61, i still tend to get fearful, paranoid, and over think about going out. I a hoping to go to a symphony concert next Sat night, but at 6'9" in my lowest heels, a bit nervous.

[Dana44]

Nicole, I took a while to accept myself. But experience shows that there is no issues when you are out. I have been over half of Texas in fem. Exciting, yes, Comfortable, yes. When you are en fem. nobody will know you. They see what they want to see and if you are a girl, that is what they see. Remember the term. No Fear. You are almost 30 and life is still young enough to enjoy it. I go to one side of my town male and the other side en fem. If I go that side in male mode I get mam'ed, So, enjoy life and go for it.

[Pat]

I a hoping to go to a symphony concert next Sat night, but at 6'9" in my lowest heels, a bit nervous.

Alice -- imagine you went to the concert as a guy and you saw a 6'9" woman there. Would you think a freak like that has no place being in a public place? That she doesn't deserve to hear music? Would you rally the crowd to attack her? Of course, I'm hoping the answers to those questions are all "No." Now extend the thought experiment to you notice that it appears to be a man dressed as a woman? Do any of the answers change? Personally, I think I'd just be a little fascinated -- "I've heard of people like that but I've never seen one..." (Just kidding -- I see one in the mirror every day. )

In any case, what those people are going to see is either a tall woman or a tall man dressed as a woman depending on how much attention they give you (and typically it's very little. Presumably most people will be there for the concert.) Assuming you're going to a safe venue with conventionally civil people you should be fine. You might meet a psychopath but that's like being hit by a meteorite -- you really can't plan for that.

Just one opinion.

[Alice Torn]

Jennie, Thanks. I would think a symphony at a liberal university should be pretty safe place. It is my thinking that needs adjusting.

[xNicolex]

Thanks for all the comments girls your all right I can't really disagree with what any of you said. I have promised myself that tomorrow night I will go to the movies en femme and do my up most best to blend and be as confident as I can be

[AprilMayy<3]

Now ive only seen a few CD's out in public, that ive thought were CD's. Honestly, my only thought was "huh, alright, good for them"
In our society I honestly believe people wont make a fuss at all seeing or even noticing a CD.

Now only if I can get April to believe that.

[Teresa]

Nicky,
Not so much wasted time but lack of time !
Getting married young , having kids, setting up a photography business but it hit me in my forties finally needing to come out to my wife then it got more difficult.

So all the getting out and enjoying the social meetings is only just happening , yes I would love to make up for the wasted time but on the other hand I have two great kids and three lovely grandchildren and wouldn't want that any different. It depends what you want out of life , CDing was part of my younger life but it didn't rule it !

[Beverley Sims]

Age may give you wisdom but experience means a lot of times out and helps you become street smart.

This means a lot of interaction with others so as you are not concious of yourself.

Shopping, talking with others and doing general business help you forget who you think you were.

This also builds on your confidence.

[Sky]

Experience is a comb you get after you've gone bald.

[sara.rafaela]

I actually went out for the first time at age 17. Parents were gone, it was an odd religious holiday that my school had off, but no one else did. I put on some of my mom´s clothes, makeup. Used a scarf to create a Carmen Miranda/ Muslim headscarf effect and headed out. I lived in suburbia and no one was out. I had a nice walk. When I got to my house I saw some repair truck pull up. I ran to the door. Got in. Ignored the door ringing that I thought would never end. I stopped dressing for a really long time. Sometimes I wonder how I could have enjoyed dressing over the years. What did I miss?

I have been going out for the last 7 years or so. It gets better every time Just within the last two years I became comfortable going out in daytime with the general public. My first ventures out with real people were to gay bars, drag nights, at night. I can pass at night from a distance. Out in the day is a different story. I would not be too hard on yourself. You will develop the comfort and confidence over time.

I would have to say your hesitance to go in with your girlfriend was spot on. Yes, really, you can probably walk around town, near home, and no one will recognize you. However, if you are attached to someone that you regularly are seen with, such as a girlfriend; then it is reasonable to say that someone could make the connection and identify you..

[Rogina B]

I would have to say your hesitance to go in with your girlfriend was spot on. Yes, really, you can probably walk around town, near home, and no one will recognize you. However, if you are attached to someone that you regularly are seen with, such as a girlfriend; then it is reasonable to say that someone could make the connection and identify you..

Her girlfriend was comfortable with it and probably considered any "down side". You don't die or always suffer IF someone were to "make you". Grow a thick skin and stand in confidence of the right to be you.

[Judith96a]

Hi Nicole,
Let me guess, the shopping centre in question is the sort of place where you neighbours might shop? I can so relate to the 'too close to home' feeling. Rural Ireland can be a very small place (I have plenty of experience!)
Age allows you to accumulate experience. It also changes your perspective in lots of ways. For instance, I see lots of the older members on here saying that they've stopped caring what anyone thinks of them. Experience of getting out and about en femme has taught me that most people either are too wrapped up in what they're doing to notice or just don't care. As a result, I've stopped worrying about being 'made'. However, that experience has been accumulated a 'safe' distance from home because I do care about being recognised.
Are you ready to be 'out' to your neighbours? If not then stop beating yourself up! There's nothing wrong with sensible caution.