This afternoon's thread ("Deception only hinders dressing") was a singularly interesting one to read. It's a testament to what a wonderful group this is that a potentially inflammatory topic like that resulted in a civil, deep discussion.
So here is a similar question. First some background: my wife learned about my dressing a few years ago. I had been on the fence as to whether to tell her and had elected not to do so for a few reasons (not relevant here). Because I was on the fence, I was not especially careful about hiding clothes, etc. I didn't mind the idea of her discovering. And yes, I now know that I was essentially forcing her to discover and articulate the subject. And yes, I now know that was a selfish and immature thing to do to her.
Anyway, she did find out and I did come clean. Ironically, I had stopped dressing for about 18 months at that point (just for reasons of personal inclination). As I have indicated elsewhere, my wife is a classic avoider of confrontations. We had a long talk that day and she understood that I am not gay, it's not about her, I was limiting my interaction to internet communications (nothing at all in person), I don't need for her to participate if she is not interested, etc. I now understand that she was working to equate my interest in CDing to any other "solo" sexual activity, like reading erotica or checking out porn sites. Once she got that perspective, she seemed to get comfortable and dropped the subject. Without getting into more detail, I think I can say that she was content not to hash this out any further. She politely but firmly declined to check out any sort of GG support organizations, felt to need to get counseling (I offered) or take any other steps to proactively come to terms with the issue.
I told her at the time that I hadn't dressed in some time (true) and that, at that point, I didn't feel any particular inclination to start up again (also true). I also made it very clear to her that my CDing comes and goes, that it might well come up again, and that it was very much a part of my personality. She did not indicate that she believed this was a phase, and at no time sought to stop me from dressing or in any way express her disapproval for my dressing in particular or crossdressing in general.
OK, so much for background. Question: do I tell her that I have resumed dressing fairly actively? All the original answers to her questions remain true (not gay, not looking, etc.). I suppose she might have thought I stopped forever, in which case I am being at least complicit in her misimpression. On the other hand, for all I know she has thought that I have been going en femme for the last couple years. She plainly wanted to shunt this from her consciousness - if she wanted to discuss it she certainly could. If I bring it up, I may well be doing nothing more than impeding her attempt to cope by avoidance. And I can't shake the feeling that I might be inclined to tell her not for her own benefit, but for mine.
Any thoughts as to the right approach? Perspective from GGs especially welcome.
Thanks, and sorry for the long winded post!
Erica
