Dressed in front of my wife doesn't quite feel right

[carrkool]

Ok This will be a two part post. The first will be Me and the second my wife.

My wife was 100 percent against me dressing at all. I was allowed to dress when she flew to her parents to vist. 4 days a year. But she noticed that I got moody unhappy and down right hated everything and did not care about most things i did before. So after talking to me, she decide to let me dress alittle. Everytime I dressed I felt alittle better. It was odd dressing infront of her knowing she did not truely like it. But she found she liked what it did for me. and over time came to like it more and more. we are still working on some things, but she has accepted me now and even told her family about me. It takes time but to turn this off is like dying inside your skin. Now for my wife.

Its hard still to this day for me when my husband dresses up, I know it makes him happy to do it and in turn I am happy as well, the hard part that I still have is when we go into a store or a gas station and Everybody stares, he loves it but I am a quiet person and dont like to be noticed so that part is hard. I love my husband and accept him for who he is and I know that no matter what other people think its not going to change the way I feel about my husband and who he is . It gets better with time and just remembering how much you love him and nothing can change that. I hope this helps anyone who may be going through the same things I have gone through.

So here you have both sides of a relationship. In both our eyes you love the person for who they are not what they are not. You have to be true to yourself otherwise hiding and holding back will only cause more problems down the road so why not handle them now while the love is still fresh and at its strongest. meaning after time we all get a norm for daily life. things become boring sometimes and small things can upset the cycles. Best of luck to all dealing with this. it is a hard time but be true

[Megan Briana]

Very interesting. I agree that that is the problem -- the absurdity of things in context... That since we can't wear what we want when we want to we end up wearing inappropriate clothes at inappropriate times not so much because we want to as because there is no other choice. There simply is no other time to do it. If we all could just wear whatever and whenever we wanted then we would seem more normal!

(Enthusiastic Applause) THis hits the nail on the head. If time and circumstances allowed, we would be dressing like all other women do-i.e. a mom withs pit up on shirt, worn down nails from dishwashing, frizzed hair because the three year old just fed the Blue Ray a pb&j.

disclaimer-not all women do this, but is common around first time mommies. I witnessed this so i can speak from experience

[linda allen]

.............. For me, I think it felt weird because I am usually all decked-out up in makeup, jewelry, and a nice dress and she's usually in PJs... haha, so maybe the weird feeling is from feeling "inappropriately dressed" for whatever you're doing?

That could be a big part of it. If you and your wife are just lounging around the house after dinner and she's in pajamas or a nightgown and you're wearing 4" heels and a party dress, it should feel strange. It would be strange even if you were two females.

My wife typically gets up and goes to the gym in the mornings. She dresses appropriately. When she gets home, if we're not going anywhere, she will stay dressed as she is or change into something even less "dressy". As much as I would like to greet her in a sexy dress, heels, makeup and jewelry, etc., I find that she is more comfortable with me in something more appropriate for lounging around the house. And of cours, I feel less out of place as well.

[sami1952]

My wife has know about janie for about 20 somewhat years and at first i didn't dress up in front of her but later on i started doing in front of her and at first it felt wierd. she has gotten used to the idea of me dressing up and me going out all dress up.I love this woman to death and i thank her for being so understanding.

[Eryn]

We often overlook that one of the people who has has to accept our crossdressing is ourselves. For the short period of time that I dressed before my wife and I had "the talk" I could easily put the clothes back into the closet and ignore what I had done. In fact, ignoring it was pretty much mandatory as I couldn't talk about it.

When we had "the talk" I still didn't understand myself well. I had a lot of shame that had to be worked through before I could feel comfortable. Mimi helped a lot by being quietly supportive and giving me encouragement and advice. Her actions all said that she was OK with my dressing and slowly I was able to become OK with it myself. I am very grateful that she gave me the support I needed when I was still getting acquainted with this new part of myself.

[Joni Beauman]

My wife covers her eyes if I have a skirt on, so that's kind of discouraging. She has only seen me a couple times fully dressed and would much prefer not to. Accepting, but preferring not to see is her way of maintaining some limits and boundaries. Joni

[linda allen]

If it doesn't feel right? Guess what? It isn't. Go with your inner-feeling...always. It will never fail you, that small voice inside your head. If it doesn't feel right? Don't do it. 1st, second....tenth wife....It's Very very easy. It's always the same answer.

If people had that attitude, there would be no progress. I'm not just talking about crossdressing, I'm talking about life.

If it doesn't feel right, figure out why. Is it illegal? Imoral? Will it hurt somebody? Will it cause a problem?

If it's something you really want to do and it passes the tests above, just do it.

[linda allen]

My wife covers her eyes if I have a skirt on, so that's kind of discouraging. She has only seen me a couple times fully dressed and would much prefer not to. Accepting, but preferring not to see is her way of maintaining some limits and boundaries. Joni

I'll make a suggestion - Be especially nice to her when you're dressed or even partially dressed. Kiss her and tell her how nice she looks and how much you love her. Help with the cooking, dishes and cleaning if you don't already. Make it clear by your actions that good, not bad things happen when you are dressed. Save the "fully dressed" for later after she has become more used to you in casual female clothes.

[DAVIDA]

Well, if I am sitting around and I am dressed in guy clothes, Jean will ask me if there is something wrong.
She knows that I am more comfortable wearing my women's clothes.
I wear the clothes that any woman would wear while just being at the house.
It might be a simple dress or a skirt with a casual top.
The days of sitting around in a gown have been long gone.

[Tara D. Rose]

My wife knows all about me being a cd. She accepts this side of me and even loves Tara tremendously. I become Tara in front of her every now and then. But the only time that I will or can feel uncomfortable dressing in front of her is if we are in a tiff and are not talking for a day or two. During those times, I have thought, well right now would be a perfect opportunity to become Tara, but for some reason, I would be embarrassed at times like that, even though she has seen Tara hundreds of times and takes all of my pictures. I just can't dress in front of her if she's mad at me.
Very Strange.
Tara

[bobbimo]

EXACTLY Tara!
I have the same feelings.
When my wife and I are fighting I lose a lot of interest in dressing, But I have been fighting my way through it lately, because I enjoy Bobbi and the transformation, and I just tell myself that I do this for me, and for no one else.
Its a lot more satisfying to share the moment with, but I have decide I am worth it anyway.
I have also found that asking her to help with a zipper, or try different outfits on, as in put on a top and ask her to help with a skirt.Then she gets more into doing girl things with Bobbi. And then there is having her help with hair or makeup.
Bobbi

[Stephenie S]

I musta missed that part in the CD handbook that says once you inform your SO, one is SUPPOSED to dress in front of them. Could someone please point me to that page?

Or is it one of those "unspoken rule" kinda things?

I am constantly amazed at the insistence of most crossdressers that their "tolerating" wives participate. Why????

She does not like it! Why are you forcing her? Leave her the heck alone why don't you? She knows you dress. Why force her to watch?

Look, I know you like to dress up. That doesn't mean I want to help you with your makeup and pick out your outfit. Do it yourself for goodness sake. I do.

Stephie

[heatherdress]

My wife knows all about me being a cd. She accepts this side of me and even loves Tara tremendously. I become Tara in front of her every now and then. But the only time that I will or can feel uncomfortable dressing in front of her is if we are in a tiff and are not talking for a day or two. During those times, I have thought, well right now would be a perfect opportunity to become Tara, but for some reason, I would be embarrassed at times like that, even though she has seen Tara hundreds of times and takes all of my pictures. I just can't dress in front of her if she's mad at me.
Very Strange.
Tara

Tara - Not strange that you feel that way. I do,too. I suspect we often are more open, more intimate, more vulnerable when dressed. My wife fully embraces and enjoys when I dress. We are seem to be even closer, maybe because I feel happy. But when we are at odds about something, I need barriers. I want to hold back - until whatever it is is resolved.

[TeriAnn]

I was scared to death to tell my wife but after I came out to her she was just fine with it. When I told her I knew it could go one of two ways she would either love it or she would go screaming it to everyone she knew and my life would be over. It was a week or so later I asked if she would like to see me dressed. She said yes and after I got dressed I came out to the living room so she could see me. She started crying I was afraid what she would say next. She said you look beautiful and hugged me. Needless to say I was blown away. I love being a girl

[Michelle V]

I'm totally with you, I feel like it is a let down for her, she makes more a huge effort to accept me and make me feel comfortable but deep inside I feel I am letting her down, there are days when it feels normal to be around her as Michelle, we play with make up and it is fu, but other times My subconscious just does not let me enjoy being Michelle. You are not alone

[suchacutie]

The very first time I dressed was a few minutes before we knew Tina existed, and my wife had just asked, "am I going to get to see?". I was completely male then, so I thought. I left the bathroom of that hotel without makeup or wig or breastforms as I knew nothing about those things, knowing not at all what would happen in the next number of minutes. I had no understanding that my life was about to change. In the next 5 minutes we were on the internet looking for a dress for "Tina".

Every time I "dressed", we added more and more of the pieces that conceal our male selves and bring out our feminine selves. Each time, my wife was there to comment and, frankly, educate. It was the better part of a year before Tina as we now know her emerged from her transformation in full "regalia", and reasonably transformed mentally. It was almost another two years before language and voice started to become "normal".

Almost every time Tina arrives it's for a "girl's day/night". Tina "grew up" being with my wife and being my wife's girlfriend. They truly are girlfriends, and in many ways Tina is a product of my wife's patience, knowledge, and...well...love.

When I transform to Tina without my wife being present (one of us traveling or whatever) it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be Tina, always, but Tina much prefers her girlfriend's company to being alone. As you might imagine, Tina's arrival generated an immense amount of conversation among the "three" of us. It may be that this complete openness and willingness (eagerness?) to discuss anything and everything about Tina's place in our lives that makes spending time with the truly lovely woman who is my wife better than any other situation. My wife is as curious about Tina as I am. We still wonder how she could have remain hidden for so many years!

We started from scratch together, we grew together, and we enjoy each other's company.

I will say that there is one moment of some lack of comfort, probably because it rarely happens. That moment is being with anyone when I'm in the process of transitioning. I guess it's because we don't know who we are at that point, to the extent that my wife has to ask what gender words to use. So, transition time is a private time to get the mentality and the physicality straight!

It is a wild life!

Tina

[bobbimo]

So you made me start to think about feeling uncomfortable getting dressed or undressed in the presents of my wife, and decided to change it.
In my own case I can tell my wife accepts Bobbi the more she sees her. This summer was very hot and I had a lot of 'manly' tasks almost everyday, and at the end of a long day I didnt feel up to an hour of getting pretty, so Bobbi took a summer break.
For the first few weeks my wife would ask, 'where's Bobbi?' or how come your not dressing.
Now that Autumn is here and my outside tasks are minimal I can dress a lot more and regularly. At first she said, little zingers like, 'I like my man', or she wouldn't want to go shopping with me.
Now that Bobbi has been around every day for over a month, I see a note of acceptance and she will make helpful comments on what I have chosen to wear.
Our evenings before bed would usually have her going to the bathroom and I would change from dress to nightie, while were out of each other site.
But after reading this thread I started taking off my dress before she gets to the bathroom.
And I find that I am much more comfortable now standing before her in my bra and panties.
And she is feeling more normal about it as well.
I think the more time she spends with Bobbi, the more we are becoming girlfriends as well and Husband and wife.
I asked her to do my hair this afternoon and she agreed without a lot of teasing.
The bottom line here is to try a little bit.. The more the girl is out the more she will become part of the norm.
Bobbi

[sabrinaedwards]

I never feel comfortable dressing in front of my wife. I do not understand the need to CD, hence I do not expect my wife to understand it.

[jigen32]

I live with my girlfriend of 4 years now. She dresses me up once in awhile and have fun with it but I still don't feel perfectly comfortable with it. Perhaps it should stay more of a personal thing even though I would love to be more comfortable around other people.

[Jenniferathome]

it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Kelly

I think you may be confusing this with embarrassment. You were not embarrassed before because no one saw you, in particular, you wife didn't see you. As you get more comfortable, the embarrassment drops. You should feel glad that she can joke with you. THAT is a huge positive sign from her.

[CD_blue]

I know where you are coming from. In my situation though I got an absurd amount of support. When I told her about my cross dressing said she was fine with it. She took me straight to try on one of her skirts and it was very, very, very, very strange moment for me. I didn't know if she would just say "This is awful actually and I am outta here"

She asked me if I liked it.... I felt weird but told truth and said yes. She was supportive so we went shopping that weekend got me couple things. That night I tried on what I got and even though she helped me pick it out I was still nervous. It was pretty hard just to walk into the kitchen where she was at when I came out of the bedroom. She was cool with it, and couldn't handled it any better. Still was quite nervous about whole thing.

That was about a year ago and STILL even though I cross dress daily, she has bought me tons of stuff, taught me how to put on make up, and taught me to walk in heels I still get nervous at times.

Good news is though! It has become more and more rare for me to feel that way which I think might be same with you. Just give it some time and it will lessen

[AmyGaleRT]

Since I told my fiancee last week, I have no qualms about appearing in front of her en femme. In fact, the "big reveal" turned into an impromptu fashion show.

She likes the way I look in dresses; she's a bit jealous, because I can look more feminine than her. But she also wants to get herself a new headband like the one I'm wearing tonight, and she's considering borrowing some of my earrings on occasion, because she doesn't have pierced ears, either.

She also likes me having long hair, which is an added bonus for my femmeself.

- Amy

[Rachel Lea]

My wife knows about me wearing pantyhose since September of this year and she has help me purchase them in the store. But I still feel uncomfortable when I am putting them on and she walks into the bedroom or bathroom and "catches" me. I was also wondering if that feeling goes away and now I suspect it will take some time. I still have not informed her of my crossdressing.

[Raychel]

My wife has know about my crossdressing for several years now.
In the beginning she stated that she could live with it, as long as she never saw me dressed up
After time she has seen me. By her own choice. Now when I have my dressing time I still keep the door locked
just so the kids don't walk in on me. But my wife will occasionally knock and I do let her in.
In the beginning it was very awkward being dressed in front of her.
Now after she has seen me a bit and we talk, it is really not that big of a deal.
If she knocks on the door, she is expecting me to be dresssed. And she is fine with it.
But it has taken time for both of us to be totally comfortable with it

[Ann Louise]

Yes, I did it a couple of times but felt strange as well because when I am dressed up I like to girl it up as much as possible but don't want to do that in front of my wife. So now I don't dress in front of her anymore - like wildaboutheels says - there is no rule that says you have to. If she asks me to I might but I told her I feel too strange dressing in front of her. She asked why I can do it in front of strangers and not her and I told her because I don't care about what they think at all, just what she thinks - which is true. With my job I perform on stage in front of a thousand people and I don't care what I do on stage unless somebody I know is in the audience, then I feel strange then as well. Oh well. For most of us we have gone from hiding it all of our lives and now that somebody knows, I think we just can't believe that they don't care that we dress up. This winter my wife will be home with me rather than working so I am going to have to suck it up and slap the warpaint on in front of her.

Like the originator of this thread, I too just recently came out to my wife. And in large part based on all the good advice I've picked up here, I'm taking it very slow with her, and have confined myself largely to sleepwear like nice silky nightgowns, and a soft pink robe, when around her. She know's I underdress (usually tights or thigh-highs and panties), and she helps me color my toenails in the evening sitting on the bed. She's said that she regards this as something "only two girlfriends" would do, and that gets to the point I'm trying to make here. Even though she know knows that I'm TG, she's still my SO, and I've assured her that I intend to remain her SO. So, like most everything else in our life together, this is something we're doing together. To me, this means that I'll gradually work "our" way up to being alot more dressed than I am now, and when I do, it will be both "age appropriate" (I'm 59, and can't realistically pull off the look of a 25-year old, right?) and tasteful, meaning I"m not going to dress like a hooker around her unless it's for a fun session in bed. Know what I mean?

So, to me, this is not a "dress up" game with her, but rather, the development of a mature, feminine, female partner of my SO, who's a naughty, classy lady that she's spending her life with. Elfin