Do you exhibit the best of femininity?

[Miriam-J]

As I've mentioned in other posts, I recently read and deeply appreciated "My Husband Wears My Clothes" by Peggy Rudd. There's a lot of excellent material, but for the moment I'd like to focus on part of one chapter where she tries to define femininity. Within this discussion is a table titled "The Gender Continuum" that captures stereotypically positive and negative qualities of masculine and feminine personalities. It's hard to render well here, but here they are:

Masculine Positive: Intelligent, courageous, industrious, compassionate, caring
Feminine Positive: Kind, sensitive, tender, warm, loving
Masculine Negative: Insecure, gruff, brutal, tough, coarse
Feminine Negative: Insecure, bossy, rude, self-centered, whiny

Without critiquing the list itself, we each need to consider whether we exhibit positive or negative qualities in our lives and in our posts here. My observations of people just from their posts is that many seem to live with a large segment of the positive attributes from both the masculine and feminine sides, thus becoming a much more complete person.

But many also seem to be lost in the negative masculine and feminine qualities. We want to dress our way with little or no regard for the feelings of those (including our SOs) who we perceive as being less than fully accepting, even when they just ask for reasonable compromises. The posts for these are rude, self-centered, whiny, and exhibit great insecurity.

If we want to be respected by our SOs and others, we first must learn to embrace the positive qualities of our masculine and feminine sides, leaving the negative qualities behind. When we've done this, each of us will find the world a much friendlier place. More importantly, each of us will have become a more complete person.

End of today's sermon. Good luck in your own self-examination and adjustments as I continue my own.

Miriam

[suzy1]

Thanks for the sermon Marym. I had better say no more!

SUZY

[Laura912]

Just to broaden the subject, why can't both masculine and feminine positive qualities be called "human" qualities instead? I realize this site is about one assuming the characteristics of another, but can't these characteristics be inculcated into human qualities? I know people of both sexes who exhibit characteristics of both pos and neg male and female behavior without being crossdressers. This separation into masculine and feminine behavior will keep the pigeonholers happy, IMHO.

[Foxglove]

You're right, Miriam. We TG's like to think of ourselves as special people, and in one way at least we certainly are. But IMHO, at the end of the day, we're just people like any others. Individually we all have our virtues and shortcomings. Always things to work on, you know--and always so easy to forget about them. But I'm just speaking for myself here.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Miriam-J]

Just to broaden the subject, why can't both masculine and feminine positive qualities be called "human" qualities instead? I realize this site is about one assuming the characteristics of another, but can't these characteristics be inculcated into human qualities? I know people of both sexes who exhibit characteristics of both pos and neg male and female behavior without being crossdressers. This separation into masculine and feminine behavior will keep the pigeonholers happy, IMHO.

I agree entirely, Laura, and hope that this is the message read between the lines. I only posed it in this manner to best capture the attention of those who seek to attain femininity.

Miriam

[Diane Elizabeth]

I'm not special. However, I am who I am. ME. But then again, WHO IS ME? Noone specia,l just a person wanting to dress as a female. A person that wants to live as a female. A person that wants to be perceived as a female. A person that wants to make changes in their life for what is believed to be for the "positive", despite others (family) saying it is for the "negative". I am just a Human Being trying to survive.

[Cynthia Anne]

Very nicely said Marym! I'm positive I don't want to be negative! Hugs!

[Foxglove]

Just to broaden the subject, why can't both masculine and feminine positive qualities be called "human" qualities instead? I realize this site is about one assuming the characteristics of another, but can't these characteristics be inculcated into human qualities? I know people of both sexes who exhibit characteristics of both pos and neg male and female behavior without being crossdressers. This separation into masculine and feminine behavior will keep the pigeonholers happy, IMHO.

I think this is a very good point, Laura. It's very tempting for me to look at all my negative traits and attribute them to my guy-side and attribute all my good points to my girl-side. That way I could sigh and say, "If only I'd been born the girl I was meant to be! Think of the wonderful person I'd be!" But my good and bad points may well have nothing at all to do with my gender. They may just be me.

Annabelle

[Chari]

Good info and opinions from previous posts. We are all individuals, having both traits of female and male, regardless of original gender. It is up to each of us to decide and choose what is enjoyable in our life that will make us comfortable and confident in who we are - no matter what we wear as attire or how we present ourselves.

[kimdl93]

Just to broaden the subject, why can't both masculine and feminine positive qualities be called "human" qualities instead? ....

I do appreciate the sermon - we all can be better, just by being mindfull of the qualities we hope and try to project....be those qualities male, female or transgendered.

[sandra-leigh]

But many also seem to be lost in the negative masculine and feminine qualities. We want to dress our way with little or no regard for the feelings of those (including our SOs) who we perceive as being less than fully accepting, even when they just ask for reasonable compromises. The posts for these are rude, self-centered, whiny, and exhibit great insecurity.

That's an awful lot of judging when you don't know people's circumstances.

[Marleena]

That's an awful lot of judging when you don't know people's circumstances.

I agree.

I'll refrain from commenting. I think it's impossible to make any guidelines about gender without it being stereotypical.

[Crissy Kay]

I know I don"t!! I am just doing it for fun in the first place!!

[AllieSF]

I agree with others here. We should all, M, F, MtF, FtM, SO's etc. strive to practice the good qualities and eliminate the bad ones. Why single out the transgendered here?

[Kate Simmons]

My present life journey has been accepting myself for who I am and embracing my feelings. The end result is that I can fulfill either the male or female role with ease. That having been said and accomplished despite the fact that my soul is female.

[sometimes_miss]

I think that the vast majority of negative behavior we feel is simply due to the frustration we have to live with in the rest of our 'real lives'.
The one thing that wasn't mentioned in regard to the positive masculine traits, is leadership. Time and again, I hear in my own life, or read on various forums, that women want men to take the lead in life, to make the decisions. They want their mate to be the 'benevolent dictator' who makes the decisions she wants us to make; in short, they want us to read their minds and automatically know what they want, and provide it. Then and only then, are they comfortable with the (also unmentioned) positive feminine behavior of being the supportive one. Of course, both of these can be exhibited by either sex in a positive way, but most often exists as the stereotypical gender roles we usually conform to.
Just something to think about.

[pattyv]

My wife is intelligent, courageous, industrious, compassionate and caring.

She feels that I'm kind, sensitive, tender, warm and loving.

All of the above are interchangeable.

When a couple love each other they become one.

A seamless gender

A journey of devotion, passion, romance.

Closeness with smothering.

Knowing the answer with being asked.


"Without smothering"

"Without being asked"

[ReineD]

My observations of people just from their posts is that many seem to live with a large segment of the positive attributes from both the masculine and feminine sides, thus becoming a much more complete person.

But many also seem to be lost in the negative masculine and feminine qualities.

Great observation, Marym!

I'd like to add (or I'm saying the same thing using different words), everyone's fundamental positive and/or negative dispositions: be they integrity, kindness, courage, or bitterness, envy, insecurities (or any other positive/negative traits imaginable) emanate from deep within the psyche, and come to the surface regardless of expressed gender. A person with a positive disposition will be the same in guy and girl modes, and vice versa, no matter how much this person may believe he is negative in guy mode and positive in girl mode.

You can tell this just by the way members approach the threads, approach various issues, and treat other members.

[Aylineira]

I was about to say.. Yes! I exhibit the best of femininity... until I realized the sock that I used to stuff my bra with was actually falling out of my bra.

[KellyJameson]

Is there such a thing as femininity and masculinity or is it tendencies and potentialities inherit in each person to differing degrees? Is the brain dualistic, existing and operating between two different poles expressed as linear thinking (goal oriented in a straight line, rational,logical) contrasted against intuitive/feeling/ thinking (goal oriented using global or web thinking that operates out of sight of conscious mind)?

I have yet to find a single behavior that is independant of the body and only a product of the mind that is unique to one or the other sex only. Perhaps we express the good and bad according to what we have beed taught and given permission to express.

The bad boy persona and the bad girl persona are both roles.
Perhaps there are only two states of mind, the one we control and use (we label as masculine) and the other that controls us and uses us (we label as feminine)

[Miriam-J]

Thanks for all the nice insights so far, and especially for the kind corrections and improvements.

Several have commented on the fact that these attributes really don't need to be divided as masculine and feminine. As I noted in an early response, I agree entirely with this. I chose the title to capture attention and thought, but it became an unfortunate distraction. Sorry about that.

Another distraction that I avoided in the discussion has to do with our behavior toward our SOs, at least as far as can be discerned in these posts. I'll try not to be any more judgmental on that matter, at least in print.

My wife is intelligent, courageous, industrious, compassionate and caring.
She feels that I'm kind, sensitive, tender, warm and loving.
All of the above are interchangeable.
When a couple love each other they become one.
A seamless gender
A journey of devotion, passion, romance.
Closeness with smothering.
Knowing the answer with being asked.

Without smothering

Without being asked

Very nice addition, Patty. I hope it speaks to many, as it does to me.

I'd like to add (or I'm saying the same thing using different words), everyone's fundamental positive and/or negative dispositions: be they integrity, kindness, courage, or bitterness, envy, insecurities (or any other positive/negative traits imaginable) emanate from deep within the psyche, and come to the surface regardless of expressed gender. A person with a positive disposition will be the same in guy and girl modes, and vice versa, no matter how much this person may believe he is negative in guy mode and positive in girl mode.

I agree to a certain extent, Reine, as I seem to do with all of your posts. But I do feel that regardless of our deep psyche, each of us is responsible for our own expression. We take what is inside us and moderate it before we express it, and we apply similar filters to what we perceive.

I was about to say.. Yes! I exhibit the best of femininity... until I realized the sock that I used to stuff my bra with was actually falling out of my bra.

Breast forms do much better, perhaps with an underwire bra for support ;-) My wife never seems to have this problem for some reason.

Miriam

[Cheryl T]

I believe I exhibit the best of both (or of humanity), at least I try to.
I try to be considerate of others, friendly and courteous, and always respectful.
Maybe it's that darn Boy Scout (wanted to be a Girl Scout) training.