Do CDs have a right to privacy? Or, at least, can they negotiate the privilege of privacy?
The great moral conundrum on this forum seems to be the issue of total honesty with your SO, with ardent advocates on each side. But why cannot a relationship be honest and respectful of each other's privacy at the same time?
I believe that my 35 year marriage is open, honest, and loving, but both of us recognize that the other is an individual with their own thoughts, desires, and rights. We both draw incredible strength from our marriage, but we are not that romantic notion of "one."
That right of privacy extends from the trivial (I don't actually know how much she weighs) to the more serious. I would actually prefer to be naked than wear male or female clothes. After more than 25 years of marriage, she finally told me that the reason this bothers her is because of a traumatic experience in childhood with a man who exposed himself.
She has secrets I don't know about, as do I. We don't lie to each other, but we do acknowledge the right of each of us to refuse to answer a question, or to voluntarily reveal some things. It does require a trust that your loving partner will do the right thing for you, without losing his or her own individuality.
And if you are wondering, she does know about my CDing. I only started in my 50's, and her knowledge of it lagged somewhat behind its acceleration in my life. She couldn't argue that it was illegal or immoral, but felt somehow it threatened her adequacy as a woman. It certainly doesn't, and as we worked through my argument that "it's not about you, it's about me" she slowly came to accept it.
But I don't have to reveal everything. To listen to some here, you would think that some mornings when we are getting dressed, I should say "Oh, by the way, I masturbated in the shower this morning, and you weren't in my fantasy." I'm not sure that I am in her's either, but I don't think she has to tell me.
I was going to comment on the "lies vs. deceit" thread, but the author appealed for a more narrow focus.
Liz