Blackmail

[deja true]

It seems a terrible turnabout of what happens with some wives, who say that when they find out about their men after years of hiding that they can never trust them (about anything) again because of the years of deceit.

Here you've been up front from the beginning with someone you trust, but now because of this vicious balckmail attempt, I don't see how you would ever be able to trust this one ever again. Making up now would always leave a doubt in your mind about her. Not a good basis for continuing this relationship

In my mind, there are no 'do overs' possible in such a situation. Would you ever forgive the mugger who put you in intensive care for months after brutalizing your body ? That's what this woman has done to your soul.

[Alana65]

Truth is, its her word against yours and without proof, she sounds like a bitter SO.

Hunnie, I hate to break this to you, but people who love you DON'T blackmail you. People who use you do. I understand you love her and believe her to be your soulmate but if you think about it, are soulmates suppose to make you feel horrible for being honest?

Without knowing more I'm afraid the only advice you will get here is to move on and leave her to her manipulative ways.

I think DD hit the nail on the head, Shawna. You've been honest with her from day one, and what does she do ? She does a "180" and tries to control your life through blackmail !! You need to distance yourself from her quickly and ASAP. Good luck hun.

[Shawna13]

Thx all so much for your kind responses. I am grateful for such a resource.

[Sally2005]

Tell her how you feel. Say exactly what you said in your post. Maybe she doesn't understand what she did. The other thing, find out what it is she is scared about and make up a story that you tell her you will use...it doesn't have to be true or something you will really do, something she can see your point of view. for example, if she is also homophobic say...'go ahead and tell, I'll just say it was a one time thing to support your lesbian lifestyle or that you are in to S&M'.

[Emily Anderson]

My ex didn't bother with threatening me. She just told anybody and everybody we knew. Happily, nobody really cared about it.

[RitaCD]

My ex didn't bother with threatening me. She just told anybody and everybody we knew. Happily, nobody really cared about it.

Sounds like my ex, Emily. She told anyone that would listen, friends, family, neighbors, and you know they are still my friends, and family, and some great neighbors. It backfired on her.

[linnea]

Anyone who would seriously threaten blackmail does not deserve your love or friendship. Whether or not you decide to tell others to defuse her threats or stonewall and force her word against yours, she will end up the loser. In either case, you need to move on to a place where she is not present (or she needs to get out).
Best of luck.
By the way, it seems to me that blackmail may be a civil offense. Depending on how you want to handle things, you may want to seek an attorney's advice and assistance.

[Vivian Best]

There is a saying in sports, "the best defense is a good offense." It may be applicable in your case also. Good luck.

[Shannen]

Just remember that actions speak louder than words! If she was "aware" of you crossdressing, and accepted it in the past, then her actions show that she has now changed... not you.

If you are talking about blackmail in a legal sense, then she is stuck with her own previous tolerance... she will never be able to claim that she was unaccpeting if in fact she did accept your behaviour until now.

just my .02!

[Laura_Stephens]

There is a saying in sports, "the best defense is a good offense." It may be applicable in your case also. Good luck.

Actually, that quote is from Winston Churchill when he was speaking about war during WWI.

[jaina]

Actually, that quote is from Winston Churchill when he was speaking about war during WWI.

~sigh~
Clausewitz, Carl von 1780-1831

[adrienner99]

All of us can sit out here, away from your dilemma, and give you free advice. I feel for you terribly, and what you're going through should be a warning to all those of us who are not ready to share our secret with others.

Somehow, I have a feeling she is just screwing with you. Why I don't know, but it would not do much for her reputation to have it known she was intimate with a CD...

I'll pray for you.

Adrienne

[Bernadina]

I wonder if there is something else going on here and the CDing is just an excuse...?

[AKAMichelle]

I wanted to add my personal experience to this post.

Recently, my wife threatened to tell the kids about my crossdressing. We worked everything out and all seemed well. But with all divorces things can go bad from time to time. This was one of those times. Because I did something that she didn't like she threatened all over again. I can never trust her not to tell the kids.

Frankly, I would be kinda of relieved if she did. Then no more secrets. At this point in my life that would be so liberating.

Michelle

[Elizabeth2-]

Significant dialog with the help of a trained therapist, who is able to be neutral and detached.

Remeber, a repaired relationship is better than a broken one anytime.

Praying for you. lol.