One of the prices you pay for crossdressing

[lisa_vin]

Hi everyone! I haven't been around here for several days. My wife stumbled across some of my Lisa clothing last week while trying to hide Christmas presents in the attic. She knew that I had my things stored up there in 3 or 4 very hard to reach places but she ventured into one of those, saw bags she had never seen and curiosity killed the cat once again. Now, she's seen some of my clothes before but this one bag had my breast forms and a couple of wigs in there. She'd only seen the clothing and this was more than she could stand......the straw that broke the camel's back! We had seen a great therapist last year over this and the clothing and my dressing need had been discussed openly with the therapist. The forms and wigs had been talked about as well but she didn't remember that and SEEING them was the final blow......the last and final realization that I can't extract Lisa from my persona no matter what and she definitely will never go away! I now know she only grudgingly tolerated that I dressed and underdressed and as long as it was not discussed or she didn't accidentally come across something I may have forgotten to put up or across a collection of items such as this particular one it was "out of sight, out of mind" for her. She never truly accepted that Lisa was a part of me and the therapist only provided a band aid over what was obviously a gaping wound that will never heal. She also would never discuss any of this with just me when we were alone.

There are other issues in this mix so it was not this one single thing that will end the relationship but I'm now contemplating a split-up and probable divorce somewhere in my future......after 30 years together! There's been a lot of unhappy, ugly water under the bridge since her first "discovery" many years ago and two other subsequent therapist sessions where I was ordered to "Get it fixed or else" and told this was my problem and she didn't have any problems and would not be talking with either of those therapists because I needed to be fixed, not her, and she would never accept any alternative. Looking back, I missed the sign way back then that she wanted absolutely no part of me physically or "mentally" dressed in her eyes or mind by her complete unwillingness to discuss it with me or the therapist and try to look for compromises or set up house rules. I realize she had rejected me for who I was then but for whatever reason either chose to refuse to believe it and push it out of her mind or not seek separation in "hopes" that it was a passing ugly "phase" or experimentation that would play itself out. That I never told her before we married and she "found out" later left her feeling cheated out of a better life and a relationship with a "real" man as she has put it to me several times.

The "cheated out of" part I fully accept responsibility for and have nothing but deep sorrow and shame if I've truly done that to her. I kept this part of me from her so I lied and betrayed her and fully accept the blame for that. Believe me, any future relationship attempt, if any, will include a full, up-front disclosure of my imperfections so there will be no misunderstandings of who I am and the person they will be getting!!!!!!!!!

Sorry my friends.......I know this is not the most pleasant of posts and a real downer but if I couldn't share this experience with y'all, I would literally explode. Thank you all for listening and supporting. Your friendship means the world to me.

Love