Wihout sounding Homophobic.
I'm not interested in sexual relations with men, I'm not eveen BI. I like girls,
Yet I always feel bad when I first tell people I'm Trans that I make sure they they know I'm not gay or interesed in men, or male bodies.
Oh well, I hope you understand.
Caroline
Caroline Emily
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I just say.."I,m not gay"!!
I don,t feel the need to explain it.
Well, I *am* gay - I'm a lesbian trans woman with a lesbian life partner.Originally Posted by SweetCaroline
I'm not sure you can say "I'm not gay - I like <fill in the blank>!" when you first meet someone without sometimes sounding homophobic. If you bring it up out of the blue, as like the third sentence in the conversation, some people are going to think at the least that you are strangely defensive about the possibilty of being perceived that way.
But then, I sometimes let people know pretty quickly that I'm lesbian, because I'm tired of people asking questions about my "husband", or assuming that my lover and I are sisters.
I don't think I'd bother volunteering anything about orientation unless it came up as part of a longer conversation. But in an introduction, nah!
If their wife is standing by, grab her in your arms, and plant a big wet one on her lips. If that don't convince em..................................
I would explain that I have a life partner (and it should not matter what his or her gender is)
Simple, I don't.
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I am not Gay!
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I ask what they think "gay" means---and ridicule their lack of knowledge when they somehow connect it to CD----I then quickly follow up with how illogical the gay/CD connection is (when you think about it, why would guys interested in other gay men want to look like women?) and how it is a HETRO thing.
Last edited by MarinaTwelve200; 03-15-2008 at 08:44 PM.
The few times I've been asked "THAT" question,... "Are you gay?" my usual wiseguy answer is , "No, but I am happy" let 'em figure what they will.
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I have been asked if I like men. My answer was, "no, I really like women."
No problem.
Most people have pre-conceived notions about crossdressers. Probably the biggest one is that we are all gay. Why would a straight man want to dress as a woman? I can't even answer that, and I am a straight guy that has been crossdressing for over 30 years. I am happily in the closet, so thankfully I don't have to answer those questions.
It is just ignorant people who are narrow minded who jump to those conclusions. we live in a country that allows you to express yourself any way you want as long as it does not hurt others. Dressing is fun and interestin to see how good you can look. Men do not have that. just look in a shoe store,
9 rows of womens shoes and 2 of mens. Girls have it made with all the choices they have. Any how none of that has any thing to do with sexual orientation.
This from a girl who is on dressing overdrive this weekend.
Dee anne
maybe its just possibly because they think a guy wanting to look like a women must be wanting to attract men ! totally ignorant people will think this ! but unfortunately theres far too many of them about
I say I like girls. Now I have been flirted with on myspace with men who knew I was a CD/TG and they get the message when I say I am in a very committed relationship and I like girls. However a few say my husband is a lucky man!
Last edited by victoriamwilliams1; 03-15-2008 at 10:52 PM. Reason: clikck too fast
I get that questions too; sadly I think it primarily comes from ignorant people who lump everyone who is anywhere outside the 'majority' or 'ruling' class (straight, nonTG, etc.) and see us all as sexual deviants to be feared or reviled or both. We are not, nor are homosexuals, anything but brave enough to be ourselves.
The idea of gender is socially constructed. I have traits that fall into what society considers to be different from my biological gender that I sometimes express outwardly (I love to be seen as pretty!). Some people are born so that they are attracted to persons of the same biological gender. I identify with people who are gay because I too seem to have something about me that is deeply a part of me and nothing can change that and when I express it outardly (being true to myself) I am sometimes ridiculed or rejected or even put in danger; similar to the plight of homosexuals who are true to themselves.
I think I ranted all this to say that it angers me when people assume I am gay not because I have any problem with homosexuality but that I have a problem with people lumping everyone who is outside of the 'norm' together, with the implication being that there is something wrong with all of us. When I am in the right (or wrong) mood, and depending on who is asking, I sometimes reply by saying something extremely ridiculous to make a point: "I am not gay but I wish I was because statistics show that most child molesters are heterosexual and I hate being lumped in with a group like that."
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Regina
In a year or so of going out almost every night, I really think it's been very rare that I've had to clear up an erroneous assumption about my personal sexual orientation.
Oh, I've had people call me gay or some derogatory equivalent as an insult or expression of disgust, but in those cases the person is making no attempt at conversation and I'm quite sure they would be no less disgusted with me knowing anything about my sexual orientation one way or another.
I've also had people, making friendly conversation with me, reveal their assumption that all crossdressers are gay. I always enjoy these conversations where people are simply curious and are receptive to learning a few new things.
And then in a number of situations, I've had people just come right out and ask me if I'm gay. How perfect is that, that a person knows not to make assumptions, and also feels secure enough to ask this simple question?
But a friendly conversation with a stranger where they ask something like, "have you always been gay?" Hardly ever happens.
Oh, ok. To answer your question of how I explain, if the subject is all crossdressers, I say we can have any sexual orientation, and that probably most consider themselves heterosexual, in that they are attracted to women. I say that many are happily married, that often the wife knows, that often the wife is supportive. Then I like offering the theory that crossdressers are often intensely attracted to femininity, which can explain both their desire to dress and their attraction to other women.
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Well - why not just tell them that, then?
But surely it's only necessary when they come on to you?
A t-girl this evening kept telling me how 'attractive' I was (seriously? In this sodden weather, I looked that something the cat had brought in) - I just pointed to my ring and told her I was happily married?
When you're presenting as female, hetero/homo surely starts to get a bit blurred, anyway...
Nicki
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Since I have been out in public enfemme I get asked if I am gay quite often, I am glad they ask because it gives me an opportunity to educate them about crossdressing and the fact that most crossdressers are heterosexual, and I tell peaple that I am attracted to women only whether I am dressed as a man or a woman, of course many more questions get asked about crossdressing, and I have no problems answering their questions, for the most part peaple seam to have a better understanding, and lately peaple seem to know someone who crossdress, but they do not know why they crossdress, so I have helped to answer peaples curiousities about crossdressing. if someone asks if you are gay do not take offense, just answer no I am heterosexual and I like women only no matter how I am dressed. Peaple will listen if you explain it to them.
I'm an m to f hetero cd'r and I've had problems a few times telling certain people that I'm not gay. There's nothing the matter with being gay. I have some cousins who are gay and lesbian. But I've never been sexually attracted to other guys.
Not really, Caroline.
I can understand if someone asks you if you are, but it sounds like you volunteer the information (unasked) as soon as you come out as trans . . . because you "feel bad"? That I don't get. I think you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that automatically.
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That was my impression also.I can understand if someone asks you if you are, but it sounds like you volunteer the information (unasked) as soon as you come out as trans . . . because you "feel bad"? That I don't get. I think you should ask yourself why you feel the need to do that automatically.
People who aren't cross dressers think a man in a skirt is gay or bisexual. I'm far from it. I love women. I am not gay.
I really don't know why I dress, but I need to. I bought this lovely pink top today. And some make up. But I am stilll not a 'queer'. I just like looking and feeling good as a 'woman'.
And.... Don't forget to qualify it ....
With...
"Not that there is any thing wrong with that"
Haven't been asked yet but I'm sure people think it. So What? It goes with the territory, just another one of those "skin thickener" situations.
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