Shopping in drab, dealing with hecklers.

[Jenn2716]

Just a short note on a quick shopping trip during my stay here in Pennsylvania:

I had a couple of hours to burn off after work today so I decided to go to the local mall. I browsed through Bloomingdale's, Macy's and Lane Bryant en drab and I saw lots of nice stuff, but didn't feel very comfortable staying too long among the racks of women's clothes as I seemed to be the only guy in the area. I know it was probably in my head, but I felt like all eyes were on me.

So, disappointed I decided to go back to my hotel. But on my way out of the mall, I spotted a Marshall's across the street and decided to go over for a look. Again I was the only guy browsing through the ladies clothes, but they had my size and very good prices so I kept on looking. I picked up a couple of things and was looking at some jeans, when I started hearing comments that were directed at me. Two women came down the aisle next to the one I was in and were clearly talking loud so that I could hear them: "Ok, so this IS the women's section? I wasn't sure" and "Just look at this (nodding in my direction)" and finally "Hey Yolanda, come check this guy out". Laughing and snickering the whole time.

I started to turn really read, but then I decided, you know what. She's got some nerve, I'm not doing anything wrong. I ignored them and browsed for a few more minutes and then went and looked at some shoes. They left me alone after I left the clothing area, but I decided that to prove to myself that I had every right to shop for whatever I wanted, I walked up to the fitting rooms and asked for a room. I had to show the sales clerk how many items and I didn't hesitate to show her the blouse and women's jeans that I wanted to try on. She noticed they were female items, but didn't say anything. I got my key and tried on my selections. The blouse fit but the jeans were a little snug. So I walked out with my new blouse and my head held high. I am so glad I didn't let those rude women spoil my wholde day.


Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I just felt like I overcame a lot of shyness and guilt today. I'm proud of who I am and I'm not letting anybody bring me down anymore.

[bellbettjones]

Jenni,

I cant believe they noticed you...your pic looks so natural. I havent went out yet, now i'm even more scared LOL !!!

Tracy

[Mary447]

Go girl.........
I feel uncomfortable shopping sometimes for that reason....but sometimes its a real turn on....especially when I go to the cashier and I get that mixed glance from the cashier...some with an accepting smile...others, almost interested....who knows...probly all in my head girl....anyway...sounds like you had an interesting day.......
kisses
Mary

[Jenn2716]

Thanks Bell, but just to clarify I wasn't shopping dressed as Jenni. I had gone in as my male self and just thought everybody would think I was shopping for someone else. I can only imagine how much ridicule they would have thrown at me if I gone in full femme mode.

Anyway, It's not going to bring me down. I think I'll go paint my toes tonight.

[christiecd]

It's certainly sad that some people just can't their own business while you shop. I think if it was really bad heckling and you felt very uncomfortable, you probably could have told an employee. You have purchasing power as much as anyone and they don't want to lose a potential customer.

Glad to see it hasn't gotten you down though...

Christie

[Donna506]

I think you did the right thing in not confronting those rude women in Marshalls.

I do most of my shopping in male mode. Generally, I ask the person on duty in the Fitting area if they have experience with CDers. In some cases, I have gotten help from them or another associate. In a recent shopping experience, one of the young lady managers helped me pick out things in a Wal-Mart. She put me in a handicapped dressing room. They are much bigger and unisex. She also suggested getting two sizes of each item to try on and let them put the ones back I could not wear. I was able to accomplish a lot that day. I have found that SAs are not willing to risk their jobs or the reputation of their store by heckling you. I bet you could have gotten the manager on duty to help you deal with the rude women, if you chose to pursue it.

The bottom line is, don't be ashamed to shop in the Women's Department. Also, don't be ashamed to tell a SA that you are a CDer. Making up some story about your wife or girlfriend will not likely be believed by SAs who have heard it before. It is best to be honest with them and let them know that they are dealing with a confident young man who happens to wear women's clothing. In my case, they are looking at a grandfather.

Best of luck in future shopping experiences.

Donna

[Tamera]

Hold your head up and keep doin what your doin'.
And that is what you did.

I shop in both modes all the time. I may get looks but nothin verbal. And I really don't care!!!!!!!!
Tamera

[rebeca_abigail30]

I am not that confident in my CDing, yet. Plus, if my DW found out I was buying more clothes (especially since she has to pay back at $9,000 USD, because of a job change that made her keep her sanity), she would absolutely get rid of me.

[whitney]

Good on you Jenni!
We all have every right to shop where we like and buy what we want. Period.
I will now beam with pride for you.

[BethCD]

Went to JC Penney's last night with wife ( who is supportive).
She helped me find a top,then started looking for herself as I tagged along. I saw many skirts and tops that I wanted to look at a bit closer, but for some reason there were at least a half dozen female SA's reracking clothes,etc. Bad timing maybe, but i felt like I was being watched and could not bring myself to pick items up for a closer look....
Gotta find a way to get over this....
Good for you Jenni !!!

Beth

[Jenn2716]

Thanks alot for all of the kind words girls. You have no idea how much your support means to me. I've shopped in boy mode tons of times back home and haven't run into any issues like this. Being away from my comfort zone is part of the reason why I didn't want to press the issue with store employees or the women themselves. I am nervous enough just being a stranger in an American city, nevermind the fact that I'm shopping for women's clothes.

Even so, I can't hide in my hotel the whole trip. There is a DW Shoe warehouse not far away. I might go check it out tomorrow and see if their prices/sizes are within my range.

[Rikkicn]

I had a few experiences like that during the first few years of going out(I realize that you were in drab though). I wasn't as brave as you. My first reaction was to get away from the problem as fast as possible..like running away.
It's so exciting that you were able to stand up for yourself against those bullies that harassed you. Way to go girl!
My negative experiences turned positive when it brought me to analysis my presentation so as to continually approve it.

[barbarajeanne]

For me, I have found a few sales girls that have been very helpful. One of the Lane Bryant stores in the Chicago suburbs has been great. Several girls call me by name and help me shop. They also seem to know when I am ready to try things on and they always drop in to the changing room to see how things fit. I actually feel like one of the girls. While I am in the store we chat about clothes--what they like in the store, what fits and what doesn't. I usually have a lovely shopping experience. I have also had limited success at the Avenue stores, but it really depends on the store personnel. The customers are a different story.

[ArleneRaquel]

That I have never had to deal with hecklers while shopping, but while walking and being out & about in general there has been some hairy times for this Old Gal, usually involving youthful males, those times are when I have been enfemme. & Trina - Old, but still hot !

[Suzy Harrison]

I'm surprised that they said anything in the first place - as you might well have been shopping for a for a present for a female friend. Okay once you asked to try the things on it was clear they were for you - but they made there comments before hand. You would have thought they had better things to do with their lives.....
In any case what are we talking about here - clothes, that's all. Who said you need to be a female to by female clothes? -
do you need to be a baby to buy baby clothes?!!
You did the right thing - stand your ground and ignore them
You look great by the way
love suzy xx

[steffie39]

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I just felt like I overcame a lot of shyness and guilt today. I'm proud of who I am and I'm not letting anybody bring me down anymore.

Good job! This is a free country and we have the freedom to be who we are inside!

[Billijo49504]

Heck, I would have walked up to them and asded if they we3re paying for your purchases. If not, then they should shut their mouths and mind their own businesses. Just my Humble Opionon..BJ

[Joy Carter]

"Sticks And Stones." "Sticks And Stones."

[Eva Marie]

Your report reminds me of the only similar experience I've had. I was browsing amongst the clothing racks when a small girl-child loudly inquired of her mother, "What's a man doing shopping for women's clothes?" The slightly embarrassed woman hushed her child and moved along.

[Sheri 4242]

Congratulations!!! You did GREAT!!!!!!! You handled yourself quite well and I feel your pride!!!!!!! I have been shopping like this for a long time, but can think back to the first times, which were scarey back then. You were not only within your rights, but you were a true lady!!!!!!!

[Mitzi]

My wife had me exchange some bras at Penny's a while ago. She'd given me specifics as to what she wanted. So here I was en drab, searching through all the displays for the right ones. Occasionally, a female customer would look at me curiously, then go on. The SA helped look, and was very nice. At first, I was a bit self conscious, but as the search went on, I forgot the oddity of the situation...

In another vein, I'd picked out a gown at Sears (en drab) and was about to purchase it. Don't recall how it came about, but I said something like, I wished I could see if it'll fit me . At first the SA thought I was kidding, but when she realized I was at least part serious, she led me to the ladies dressing area and picked out a stall. The gown was a bit snug. When I came out of the dressing area en drab, there were now three SA's, all with big smiles. "How did it fit?...Oh, let me find another one for you, what size?" So back I went and tried on a couple more she'd picked out. I wound up buying one. By then the other two were gone, but the SA ringing up the sale was really curious...the usual questions...but the line waiting behind me was getting long, so we had to cut the FAQ session short.

Mitzi

[Sweet Jane]

oh......I have never been heckled, so thats something I have to look forward to I suppose.....maybe I look like a guy buying for a woman?????...haha. I have seen other shoppers looking at me, but hey the women are buying for their husbands (?) in the menswear so alls fair!

[AmberTG]

I'd have probably said something to them along the lines of "what, I'm not allowed to shop for my girlfriend,(wife)?" Usually that makes them feel a bit foolish. It's really not about your dignity, it's about their intolorance and rude behaviour.
Many years ago, I had a guy call me a freak because I was buying stockings for my first wife. Some people are just ignorant.

[Rachel Morley]

Well done Jenni Going into a fitting room with women's clothes on your arm in drab mode is totally "putting it out there" and an awesome thing to do.

I'm glad you ignored the women who were seemingly ridiculing you, you could have been buying women's clothes for anyone, not necessarily yourself. Even my father, who is the most old fashioned, conservative guy you could possible imagine, buys my Mom clothes for her birthday and Christmas presents.

For me, I know what you mean about "feeling the stare" when I am looking through racks of skirts or blouses or whatever (seemingly knowing what I'm doing) and people (usually women as that's who tend to be in the women's section) look at me and kind of give me that weird look as if to say "what are you doing looking at that?". Even when I get to the register I've had the checker occasionally say to me "you know this is womens' wear right?" and I say with a smile on my face ... "err ..yes, I know" as if I'm saying to her "well yes, of course it is, what else would I be buying?".

However, I gotta be honest ... for every time I've had a situation like the one I've just described I've had at least 6 or 8 that have not been like that at all .. meaning no one cared one bit about what I was doing. My point is, (for me) it does happen .... but it's in the minority.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Well done Jenny; I think I would have lost my nerve and bolted!