I have decided to talk to him this weekend

[Corrine GG]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

[AllThingsPretty]

I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

I think you will make his day with this part

[Joy Carter]

Leave the drinks out of the conversation until you guys are done speaking. Alcohol has a tendancy to make things worse emotionaly. Then enjoy your time together with a little night cap.

[Tree GG]

Now be prepared to repeat that 2-3 times per week for the next 6 months. He'll probably love the words, but will find it so hard to absolutely believe 100% for awhile. Be patient & good luck!

[GypsyKaren]

I think that anything you say that comes from your heart will do the trick, but for the record, I like it.

Karen

[Alice B]

Well thought out and honest. It shows just how much you really love him. He will still feel a bit defensive because it is a difficult thing for him to admit to you, but you have opened the door for continued discussion and for setting ground rules for the future. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[JulieC]

Understand that even in approaching him this way (which is fantastic!) there's a good chance he will still want to hide.

Men are pushed VERY hard to keep this aspect of them hidden. My wife is quite accepting, but even I find myself hiding at times. Just this morning...I was ironing some clothes in the laundry room, wearing a pair of heels. My wife woke up, and came downstairs. I had about 10 seconds notice. ZIP I ran to put the heels away and back to ironing before she came in the room.

WHY do I do this when I know she is accepting? It's very hard, and something I struggle with.

You'll probably face the same problems. Hang in there. It's a hard road for him too.

Oh, and have him dress up as much as he ever does before having him "No, I want to see you the whole nine yards. Then I'll peal it off piece by piece!"

[Sally24]

You might want to leave the "making love" part until you're sure it's sexual with him. Many spouces don't find it appealing and many dressers do it for a thrill that is different from a sexual thrill. If it turns out to be a sexual thing for him then you're both lucky!

[MJ]

great start but leave the drinks till later , and just talk the more you talk the better it gets .. i fell it will be hard for him but keep telling him it's OK
please understand it will take him time to come around he is use to hiding i feel you are on a long hard road give him time keep at it all the best

[bobi jean]

Corrine
My adress is... Seriously, why not go buy him a few things to model for you on this VERY, VERY special occasion? The words you wrote are as perfect as one could imagine, however when you send him to put on those panties, have a few other special things for him also. just remember he will be extremely nervous so you will and must be the one to control the situation, meaning have fun with it.

[Jaydee]

Corrine,
I agree with all above. He is very lucky to have someone so understanding and willing to share. Don't be surprised if he is reluctant to initially be more forthcomming. CD'ing is one of those things we learn to hide very deeply. It is difficult to open the closet door to anyone else.
I agree about the alcohol, I would recommend nothing stronger than a glass of wine. You are making a great effort. We all hope it works out for the both of you. (It would be great if he joined this forum)

Jaydee

[bobi jean]

Corrine
An after thought(after reading another reply or two.
Why not print this thread for him to read later on.. It may be just the thing he needs to realize your love for him and that there are people, just like him (I'm one((without spousal support)) and that we do really care deeply about the situation you are in and I'd be willing to bet that every one of us would be willing to help if given the opportunity.
Bobi

[Emily Ann Brown]

If your awesome invitation doesn't do the trick, call me ....

Seriously (wait, I was serious), I should have been so blessed 18 months ago. I wish you all the success in the world with this, just don't expect miracles overnight. Your gurl didn't get to where she is now overnight and it will take time to break old habits.


Emily Ann

[Mitch23]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

wow - what a great girl you are - good luck!

Mitch

[prettywithsideburns]

you want him to put on panties and then make love to you?

[Corrine GG]

Should he make love to me THEN put on the pantis??? LOL

[prettywithsideburns]

that at least makes more sense from a physics and ergonomics standpoint.

[Chrysoprase]

Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids.

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

You hate secrets, because info about your immediate family was withheld from you but you want to repeat that.

[goofus]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

Sounds pretty good to me...I know I would be instantly aroused by that last part!

[Chantelle CD]

A lot of good advice here

I like the idea of buying a few things for him, He may need some time to be able to ware anything in front of you though, but the thought will be a start at making him feel comfy to be able to, and may even make him cry, your acceptance that is.

I also agree with Sally; wait for including the love making until you know if it sexual for him, and if so that may even take more time.

You are so great for your understanding, if there is anything i can do to help, please feel free to message me, anytime

Best of luck to you and yours

Chantelle

[sterling12]

Might I suggest that instead of a direct dialog, you write down your thoughts and give him the letter. Then, give him a chance to digest the information and think things through. Often, the male part of him wants to "retreat into his den," when he's working on a big problem like this. Women often believe it's better to "talk it out, often immediately."

Just an idea, but it might work out better. "She knows," is going to be a big shock. My guess is that he may be dumbfounded and will not say anything.

After you give him the letter, wait until the next day, or the next weekend, and ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he doesn't respond, you then will know that he still wants to keep a "barrier" up on this subject. And, you will have some idea where you stand.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sheri 4242]

Leave the drinks out of the conversation until you guys are done speaking.

The very first thought I had (before I even finished reading your post) was what Joy and others have said: leave the alcohol out until you have had the conversation!

It shows just how much you really love him. He will still feel a bit defensive because it is a difficult thing for him to admit to you, but you have opened the door . . .

You need to think of this as a chess game. IOW, be thinking 8-10 potential moves ahead. He might melt -- then again he might be in such denial that he remains a bit defensive. Maybe have a present for him (like a sexy nightie and panties), then tell him that once he has opened it he MUST let you say something -- then tell him essentially what you said in the initial post, followed by that you'd be most receptive to him going and putting on the nightie, meeting you in the bedroom for some drinks, and then (ahem). When he comes out from changing, have on a matching nightie and strongly reiterate your love for all of him, inclusive of his dichotomous personna!!! (You get the picture -- its just a suggestion, but I believe it has merit!!!)

Men are pushed VERY hard to keep this aspect of them hidden.

Keep this in mind!!! I don't know if I would have used the word "pushed," but the sentiment is on target: most men ARE, let's say, "conditioned" to keep this aspect deeply hidden -- it would not suprize me if you didn't have to offer him your reassurances again and again! But, if you are faithful to the task before you, the rewards will absolutely be worth the effort!!!

I think this is a solid plan if executed with tenderness and understanding. Even if he is a CDer who does not have a sexual component to his dressing, that doesn't mean he won't be able to enjoy what I have suggested!!! If all goes well, during afterglow tell him you are taking him to Victoria's Secret the next day to start replacing his underwear with panties!!! He should love that -- and it will be a reaffirmation that you are serious about your feelings!!!

Good luck!!! Keep us posted!!!

[Corrine GG]

I think that a letter makes it way to easy for him...remember people, he hid this from me and married me. He has broken my trust and I feel that going 'easy' on him is more than I can handle. It's not like I am hostile about it, quite the opposite...

No more secrets, he needs to be able to talk to me about it. If women are the ones who need to talk things out then he should be in touch enough with his feminine side to be able to talk about it too.

[Sheri 4242]

Might I suggest that instead of a direct dialog, you write down your thoughts and give him the letter. Then, give him a chance to digest the information and think things through. Often, the male part of him wants to "retreat into his den," when he's working on a big problem like this. Women often believe it's better to "talk it out, often immediately."

Sorry to make this addition, but Joannie's post apparently came in while I was writing mine. Her post gives you another option -- and I'd like to see you consider all options. Maybe, for example, you could give him the present I suggested with a note saying what you initially said. There are many ways to go about this. My initial reaction is that if I was in a situation like you and your husband have, I would love the present and the words, written or spoken. You know him better than us, so the final decision is yours. Personally I'd opt for the present and the spoken sentiment. There are merits to both ways.

[AmandaM]

Should he make love to me THEN put on the pantis??? LOL

Have him "try them on". Then, surprise him!

He can't get away! Mu-wah-ha-ha!!! LOL