Are you ready to be discovered?

[lynn27]

Tess's thread "I think my mom knows..." made me think. How many of us have considered and prepared for that day when someone you don't want to know finds out, be it your best friend, your boss, your family, maybe even the SO. I think deep down we all know that sooner or later it is going to happen.

I've been thinking about it because I have let my hair grow out and it is getting pretty long now. My appearance has changed over the last year and I'm sure some people are talking already. Instead of being caught off guard it seems wise to plan for the worst case and think thru, ahead of time, what you'd say to the people in your life.

So, what are you going to say? Are you going to deny it, tell a lie, make up a convoluted cover story or just tell the honest truth?

Myself? I'm ready to be honest to anyone with a direct question.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Outted myself to my insurance agent yesterday.....only one I fear now is at work. But I'll survive when it comes. Already told them I was in counselling.


Emily Ann

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I kind of live with this fear every day, that sooner or later I will be outted. Either by my own choosing, (the closet I live in is getting pretty constricting as of late, I want to move into a larger one!!!) or accidentaly.

Right now I still make up an excuse or lie when questioned about things such as shaving legs, arms etc. But that's because I've never been asked outright are you a CD?

I also tend to show little too much detailed knowledge when discussing women's clothes, shoes, make up etc, with female co-workers, friends, family. Jocelyn

[Holly]

I sent the following email to my brother a couple of days ago... "Have you ever wished you had a sister?" This should start an interesting conversation! Yeah, I'm ready to talk... still waiting to hear back from him.

[Dixie]

[SIZE="3"]Bring it on, I just don't care anymore. In the grand scheme of things it really just does not matter to a hill of beans.
Forgive me any insensitivity, too much last night and probably will again tonight and the next, and...[/SIZE]

[lynn27]

I sent the following email to my brother a couple of days ago... "Have you ever wished you had a sister?" This should start an interesting conversation! Yeah, I'm ready to talk... still waiting to hear back from him.

Nothing like forcing the issue. I guess as soon as you can accept yourself it is easier to allow others to accept you. I'd like to hear how he replies...

[Hali]

Am i ready to be discovered? the question is?

1. At work place?
ANS: NOOOOO

2. by my male friends?
ANS: NOOOOO

3. by My family?
ANS: NOOOOO

4. by My Kinky Girlfriend?
ANS: yes i WONT MIND.

[Kate Simmons]

First of all, I wouldn't be defensive as there is nothing to defend. This is who I am , like it or not. I've ceased long ago to consider any scenerio wherein I'm asking "permission" to be myself. You do that and the answer will most likely be "no", no matter who you are dealing with.Limits, yes, boundries ,yes when possibly dealing with a loved one but permission, never. It's like asking someone if you are allowed to breathe or eat.That may seem like kind of a "hard line" attitude to some but when you have gone through what I have, you have every right to be yourself, whoever that "self" may be. It's up to each individual to decide how to handle that kind of confrontation but if you have taken ownership of yourself and your actions, you already know what you are going to say when the time comes.

[Donna506]

If asked a direct question about my appearance or actions indicating they may suspect, I would answer their question with a question. Based on their response, I would keep asking questions of them. This puts the burden on them to expose their prejudices, unacceptance, condemnation, understanding, etc.

Sample:
I notice you have shaved your arms.
Why does that bother you?
I'm wondering if you may be gay.
Would that bother you if I were?
I'm not sure.
Why would you be concerned if I was?
I would be concerned that you would be at risk for abuse by others.
Thanks for your inteest in my welfare. I am not gay.

The above dialog is not meant to disparage anyone. Please accept it as a way to deal with prying questions.

[Leah B]

Here's the convsrsation, with person A's thought bubbles:

Sample:
I notice you have shaved your arms.
. o O(He's sure being defensive about it) Why does that bother you?
I'm wondering if you may be gay.
Would that bother you if I were?
. o O (He didn't deny it. He's gay) I'm not sure.
Why would you be concerned if I was?
I would be concerned that you would be at risk for abuse by others.
Thanks for your inteest in my welfare. I am not gay.
. o O (He's in denial)

I'm half-convinced everybody at work suspects I'm gay, or at least bi (I'm always sneaking glances at customers, and my coworkers aren't blind. Of course, half the time I'm admiring their clothes ). They probably wouldn't care if I old them the truth, but Sobe would!

[Joy Carter]

I wouldn't say it was dishonest if you choose not to answer a personal question such as this. I'd call it none of their business.

[Alice Torn]

He is an older single man, gay, or bi, I suspected, but maybe not. I sent him some early photos of Lucille, in a pink fog, and a letter. He did not respond. I then felt guilty, left a message of apology, on his answering machine, then, sent him a letter of apology. Still no reply. I have done some work on his offic, for decades, but, he no longer calls me, now. I sent him a card, last year, again apologizing. Still no response. I take it he is very offended, embarrassed, might be gay, and is hiding, Idon't know, but he won't respond. I now know I made a big mistake, drunken on dressing at the time.

[Dasein9]

I go to another message board, where folks meet up every weekday. Someone outed me there. (He found something I'd forgotten I'd written.)

It's been good, in a way, because where most people have been accepting, those who haven't have given me some relatively safe training. They may be abusive, but I have time to think about how I'll respond to their abuse, and now I know how to respond when I hear the same stuff in real life.

[Karren H]

Outted myself to my insurance agent yesterday.....only one I fear now is at work. But I'll survive when it comes. Already told them I was in counselling.

Emily Ann

They already know Em... Didn't you get the email.. Something about the IT Cow, a blueprint machine and pervert used in the same sentence...

I don't know.. Hehe

I'm ready. But then again most probably already figured it out already.... All my fem things in my office... Neightbor mowing the lawn when I left the house dressed yesterday...

Karren

[Mitch23]

wife - knows
kids - rather not
work - soon find out if they're friends or not - probably know and are still speaking to me. have a tg and an openly gay guy in the house and we are ok with that so dont see why i should be treated any different
friends - not sure
family - not sure
problem is that all these groups overlap so i dont really know who knows what.

my story if asked directly is yes im a crossdresser and i will dress as a girl whenever and wherever it is appropriate for me to do so!

mitch

[Brianna Lovely]

Over the last few months, I've worn nothing but obvious fem clothing, hoop earrings and carry a purse, plus have my nails 5/8" past my finger tips and colored all tje time.

I've had people, in social situations, ask me why I'm dressed in fem clothes.
My answer has been, "This is who I am. I'm a Transgender person and I always dress like this." If the person seems to be rude, I'll add, "Why would you ask such a question? We're all part female, but some people are in denial."

Had a married GG friend/neighbor ask if I ever wear male clothes any more. Told her, no I don't.

Due to distance, I sent my sister a letter last November, explaining who I am.
Have never heard from her since.

[Annesah]

Hi Lynn: Just tell them the truth. Karren's right; they may have figured it out anyway. That was the case with me and nothing traumatic happened. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[alshea243]

i do not care what people think this is whom i am i will not change for nobody my family.friends,and my boss knows i am a cross dreeser.i have been assult once but handle myself i have had threats on my live but it does not bother me.i do not cd at work besides wearing panties because i work in private security have to wear a suit and tie.my live is mine no matter how i chose to live it

[Rita B]

First of all, I wouldn't be defensive as there is nothing to defend. This is who I am , like it or not. I've ceased long ago to consider any scenerio wherein I'm asking "permission" to be myself. You do that and the answer will most likely be "no", no matter who you are dealing with.Limits, yes, boundries ,yes when possibly dealing with a loved one but permission, never. It's like asking someone if you are allowed to breathe or eat.That may seem like kind of a "hard line" attitude to some but when you have gone through what I have, you have every right to be yourself, whoever that "self" may be. It's up to each individual to decide how to handle that kind of confrontation but if you have taken ownership of yourself and your actions, you already know what you are going to say when the time comes.

Sal, I am usually 100% with you on everything, but I have to think about this one. You know that discretion is the better part of valor. Too often we blurt out things to people just to get them off our chest and make ourselves feel good, without really thinking what the consequences may be. I know that I am thrilled with my"second coming" but I am sure that my wife would not be as pleased if I announced the happy news. Am I working up to it. Yes, but in such a way as the response will be a positive one. There is a lot of stake here. My devious plan is taking shape haha went shopping at Target. Bought nice sling back shoes. Fit perfect. Bought black skirt, too big must take it back. Bought nice print tunic to go with skirt. Makes me look pregnant. Bought thigh highs. Did not try them on yet. Could not find a bra at Target larger than a 38DD. Went to Lady Grace. Bunch of teenage hoodlums loitering right in front of the door. Chickend out. Will go back tonight. Send you more pics. Borrowing granddaughter's camera.

Rita

[Michelle04240]

Wife knows, kids know, a few friends know, and anyone that has seen me out at the bar knows lol. I don't run around telling anyone, but if asked, I'd tell.

[marie354]

I've already been forward with a few people in my life, and some have found out by accident. The rest will come in time, I'm sure.
I don't want to hide it anymore. Just need the nerve to go out the door and the rest will follow due course.

[susie evans]

intresting topic some no and some don't most don't seam to care one way are the other and a few hate it so i just live with the fact that i am who i am and will probaly never change any way and if some one ask's i tell the truth i don't have to worry about what i said and if some one ask's me about another person my replie is ask them your self i'ts there life and they will share what they want with you

susie

[lori m crawford]

hi i am 54 ever body knows but it it strange the tell me to be me an happy but the dont talk about it i dont crossdress in front of then my sister has seen me she says i shood have ben a women i look better then her hehe

[brenya]

I just don't know, I think sometimes when people who love you find out things like this (not somebody you're intimate with like your SO) they might just accept it quietly, I remember, when I lived in an apartment with two of my cousins, one of them found a stash of my panties, he had to sleep on the couch so we shared a space in my room for storing clothes, he just came out holding a pair and said something like "do I want to know what this is about?" and I just turned red and didn't know what to say, I acted in defense of him going through my things, it was a little bit of an argument, I admitted to nothing, just kept changing the subject, after a while it got quiet and I just said "Yeah, can we sort of act like all that never happened?" and he just says "ok" and that was the last that was said about it, we don't live together anymore (unrelated to the incident) but he never brings it up or acts weird around me, we're pretty good friends, but I think if I was 100% out and about with it he might turn on me because of that crazy male insecurity, as far as people who are not in my family, like if I was to move to a new town or something I think I'd want to be straight forward with who I am because nobody likes to hide their true selves, sorry if this post is rant-ish I've had way too much coffee today

[linnea]

I've thought about this many times, especially since I've joined this forum. I've rehearsed my response to my own imaginary scenarios. If things happen as I have imagined that they would, I would answer honestly and forthrightly and I hope sensitively. A part of me wants this. This, I think, is a cop-out, but I don't have the courage to initiate the subject and self-reveal.
When it happens, it will depend on the circumstances, but I'm pretty sure that I won't deny it. I'll take the opportunity to express and explain myself, and hope for the best.