Update - still here, still working things out

[fionasboots]

It's been a while since I posted, or posted anything "proper". I have contributed to the odd thread but not really had much time to spent on the forum.

Anyway, just in case anyone is interested I thought I would update you all on how things are going after the bombshell I dropped on my wife last July.

Well, we are still together, which is in retrospect a miracle bearing in mind the way in which I came out about CDing and subsequently handled the aftermath - I was badly prepared and timed everything wrong.

Since then I have learned, well, I'd like to say alot, but I still think there is so much for me to discover that I'll leave it at "some important lessons".

My wife has obviously had to come to terms with much much more than me and in fairness has coped amazingly well in the circumstances. She still has times when this is all too much for her and she doubts her decision to stay with me, other days she can joke about it all.

While we have agreed that CDing stays out of the house I have been allowed to keep some of my clothes in the loft and I am taking these on my various business trips so I do get some Fiona time - which again is something that my wife is dealing with; the fact that she knows I am getting dressed up while away.

One thing that I have learned or am beginning to discover and appreciate is just how selfless wives/GGs can be. If you read the "My Husband Betty" book it think it's mentioned in there (haven't got that far into the book but did see some coverage of this).

Just as an illustration here are some things my wife has done that defy logic/explanation when you bear in mind that she is still coming to terms with this:

1) First of all she gave me some free samples of make-up - one was a very good Clinique mascara

2) She bought me a pair of knickers (M&S no less) for Valentines (on the strict understanding that they were for while I was away. She even put thought into getting the ones I'd like the feel of the most.

3) While I we were out shopping she picked up some knickers for herself and looking at me and seeing I liked them bought me a pair as well.

4) She has said that, while out shopping, she will see clothes and think they may be something that I would like. She even told me about sales on at Asda and Debenhams.

I personally think that this is something that alot of us don't fully appreciate because we can't understand it, I think it is a GG thing: a wife/partner can really be totally selfless at times and in all honesty I can't think of any instant when I have been even half that. I struggle to think of a way to show my wife how much this means to me and to give her something back in return.

[Dragster]

Good to see you're still here and making progress Fionasboots. Unfortunately, I've made no progres since we last exchanged some words here.
You're right, your wife deserves to be treted like a queen for what she's given you, and I'd try to thank her with a romantic dinner (out or in) and flowers, especially if you don't do it very often. It's worth a try!

Tony

[marie354]

It sounds like things are working out just fine. I'm so glad for you.
Now that my SO knows that I like like femme gifts, she supprises me once in a while with something special.

[tifftg]

Fiona, one of the most touching parts that may ultimately help with your relationship is the understanding that you could be doing so many considerate things for her. I hope the two of you keep getting closer.

Hugs,

tiffany

[Holly]

Fiona, it is so good to hear from you and the fact that the news is positive makes it even more so. This is an amazing change for last summer. You are both to be congratulated for sticking this out and working together. You've given many here hope.

[DonnaT]

Good to hear things are going well Fiona.

Yoou know, one thing my wife will ask once in a while, "do you ever think about me when out walking the shops in DC?"

I tell her, "I don't shop in DC when out walking, I'm just exercising. But when I do shop, I look for you as well."

The point being, buy something for her, occassionally, like she has done for you, without buying anything for yourself. She'll ask what you got for yourself, and you can honestly answer, "Nothing, I was only thinking of you."

[Lovely Rita]

I appreciate your thread. I am blessed with one of the most loving and supportive wives. I really need to appreciate her more and more everyday.

[marie354]

The point being, buy something for her, occassionally, like she has done for you, without buying anything for yourself. She'll ask what you got for yourself, and you can honestly answer, "Nothing, I was only thinking of you."

I do this once in a while, and she gets such a big smile on her face... I get chills!

[Joy Carter]

Fiona, are you getting some support from other sisters in your area ? I dropped the bomb to on my spouse last July, and I really appreciated having a sister to talk things over with.
Things are good now, but she in no way may never see Joy Carter. It's my last fantasy as it were.

Take Care Hun Joy

[kathy gg]

Fiona thanks for the update, I had wondered how your life was going.

Sounds like in her own way has tried very hard to show you support. And it is very wise of you to look at the small gestures as what they are "HUGE STEPS" from her point of view.

[fionasboots]

Thanks for all the kind words.

And thanks again to everyone for all the support, advice, and offers of help I got when things weren't going so well. It is much appreciated and certainly got me through alot

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]That's good news,Fiona. the fact that your wife buys you something is a good sign. My wife buys me nail polish . She wears my skrits and blouses. You have something and I think things will be fine.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Sophia Rearen]

Fiona, this reaffirms the position that it wasn't really about the clothes. It was about the untruths.

[fionasboots]

Fiona, this reaffirms the position that it wasn't really about the clothes. It was about the untruths.

Yes, I think alot was down to the fact that I kept this secret for so long.

Also my wife was certainly upset that she'd "lost" the man she married and there was "another woman" to deal with.

I think it may have helped, in a strange way, that she accidentally saw some photos of me on my mobile. I would stress that they were pretty bad - tacky really and quite out of the ordinary. Quite rightly she thought I looked ridiculous and had a good laugh after the initial shock.

After that I guess there is nothing else, those photos were as bad as it could get, she's seen me now and it probably helped.

There is however still an issue with clothes as my wife is still finding it hard to go shopping for herself and look at clothes without thinking whether I would like/wear them.

However, she has bought some outfits and I have to say she looked absolutely stunning! There is the tiniest hint that maybe she is competing (and winning hands down, and always will) or at least putting in extra effort to be the best woman in a way.

I hope this continues because it will hopefully build her confidence up way past where it was before I knocked it down with this revelation and that would be fantastic since she looks great and can enjoy herself so much more when she doesn't worry about what other people think!