Being the first to step forward.

[TxKimberly]

Hi All,

I have found myself in a unique position that I want to share with you all.

Some of you know this, but for the benefit of those who do not, here is a brief background on me: I am 42, married with two daughters. I am openly transgendered with the tolerance / support of my wife. It is not easy for her or me, but we have been able to make this work for the past eight years. We have a balance – a bit wobbly – but a balance nonetheless. I am openly TG all the time and this includes at work. I basically follow the woman’s dress code (sans skirts and dresses: just not really my thing) and I do this with the blessing of HR. Yes, I went to them as asked if I could do this and they said yes.

I work in IT for a major investment bank. Over the past four years, the firm has established several 'networks' to address traditionally 'minority' groups: Asians, Hispanics, African-Americans, woman and the LGBT communities. The LGBT network is known as LBGLN - if this means something to you, you are likely a colleague of mine: please PM me and at least let me know I am not alone there! While ostensibly established for the LGBT employees, the network is heavy on the G, lighter on the L, and the B & T are, not surprisingly, non-existent. A scan of the groups internal website shows nothing T* related.

So, I sent off an email to them asking if they do any T* oriented events, and if not, is it due to a lack of interest or need. I fully expected the reply to be one of 'sorry, no interest in that area.' and that would be that. It seems I was wrong. Lisa, the membership outreach chair, replied that while she could not answer the question, she was sure that it was not due to a lack of need or interest and wanted to forward my query onto the chairs of the network. About a week later, she asked me to come in and meet with her to have a chat.

My meeting with her went well. I told her about myself and about my experiences at the firm. We discussed how others reacted to me, what motivated me to do this, etc. She then told me something quite interesting. When the network chairs heard about my mail, they were quite excited, trying to look me up in the corporate directory, wanting to know just who I was. It seems that in the four years the network has been in existence, I am the first transgender employee to stand up and say, “I’m here.” They know that there are others out there, but no one had ever stepped forward.

At this point, I’m not sure whether I’m brave or just stupid. Lisa assures me that it was brave of me to step forward.

My meeting with Lisa prompts the network chairs: managing directors of the firm (who are both openly gay) – people with whom I would never have any reason to interact – to ask for a meeting with me: that is if it was alright with me. Ok, put up or shut up time: I accept the invitation.

So, Monday was my meeting. I did my best to look ‘corporate’: nice slacks, knit top, Dana Buchman jacket and sensible shoes. A girlfriend at work told me I looked good and wished me luck.

It was a good meeting. I felt a bit awkward at first – that ‘you are the show’ feeling – but it passed quickly. They filled me in on how the network started and some of their goals. I filled them in on me, my time at the firm and some initial thought on reaching the ‘community’ of T* employees: a group, I explained, who have traditionally kept a low-profile. All in all, it was a successful first meeting.

Afterwards, I asked Lisa if I did well and did I make a good impression (I’m not good meeting people, IMO). She said it went very well and that they were impressed with me. She also told me that the network chairs had asked her my impression of them. She said that we all needed to chill and stop worrying.

As an initial take-away, I’m to come up with a list of links to Transgender resources (recommendations welcome). I’ll probably be doing a monthly article on what ‘Transgender’ is – to help educate others at the firm.


Oh, and they want to put my picture up on the website. I told Lisa, if they can manage to take one where I actually look good, that it’s fine with me. So much for keeping a low profile.


So, while it wasn’t exactly my intention, I now find myself the de facto representative of the transgender ‘community’ at work: to help in reaching out to others and setting standards for the firm as a whole. I was out before, I’ll be even more so now.


Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me.


How cool is that...


Love & Stuff,
Donna

Donna,
Words just aren't gonna cut it here, I wish I could give you hug! I spoke to someone recently who was commenting on how it was unfair that women were able to wear "our" clothes but we weren't supposed to wear theirs. I reminded my friend that not so very long ago, women had to stand up and demand their rights, including the right to wear pants! (LOL what were they thinking??!!)
Anyway, while women stood up for themselves and more or less forced society to come to terms with them, as a general rule WE don't! In fact most of us (me included) go out of our way to hide and keep a low profile.
Well, YOU are standing up for us.
YOU are showing them that we are here.
YOU are helping people learn to deal with the reality.
YOU are like the women who shouted out to America that women deserved to vote, own property, and be treated as equals.
Yours is the very first post I have ever read here that actually sent chills up and down my back. Thanks for standing up for us out there!
Kim

[Teresa Amina]

Congrats! Probably helps that you've a manager that says "Dude" all the time Sounds like you work in a good place

[TxKimberly]

The same thought struck me!

Kim

Probably helps that you've a manager that says "Dude" all the time

[Tracy Lynn]

Someone had to stand up and step forward – I just never thought it would be me.


How cool is that...


Love & Stuff,
Donna

Very Cool. It sounds like a great opportunity. I wish you well.

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]Stand up and be proud of yourself. Given the chance to educate others on the lifestyle of the transgender community is great. Over the last year I've had an opportunity to speak to four women about myself and why I dress and I feel they came away with a better understanding[/SIZE]

[marie354]

I had to re-read everything all over again just to be sure that what I thought I read was in fact what I understood it to be.
I'm awed! Excited for you! One small step for man (woman), one GIANT leap for LGBT!
Get ready world... Here we come!

[Ms. Donna]

Thank you all for your good words here.

So people are clear, I do not go to work in a dress or a skirt. Personally, it's simply not who I am. I do present myself as more 'feminine' than masculine, and basically follow the women's business casual dress code. When in our corporate office in NYC, my attire is more 'corporate': slacks, knit top, jacket.

My goal is not to be controversial or to make a statement or get recognition. It is not about blazing a trail or educating the masses. My goal is to be myself - which in my case is genderqueer - and to be comfortable as I can in the process. If in the process I can effect even some small change and educate a few people, than so much the better.

As I see it, the best way for us to affect a change is to be out and be ourselves as much as possible. People need to see us and interact with us. They need to learn that there is more to us than what you see on the Jerry Springer. They need to see that we are real people - just like everyone else.

I do what I do because I have to, because I have no other choice. This is who I am - and I cannot be anyone else. I tried, and it simply didn't work.

I understand that everyone's circumstances are different and I do not advocate doing more than one is comfortable doing - but don't be afraid to be who you are. Don't be afraid to become who you are. After all, we only have one shot at this.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Angie G]

Ms Donna you go girl good work
Angie

[Debra Lynn]

Unbelieveably Cool!! You have the opportunity to make an important difference in your company on an issue you have a personal stake in. That's the kind of corporate responsiblility that is needed, instead of the Enron debacles! Great Job!

[carla smith]

Thanks Donna!

What a wonderful achievement for you and an inspiration to all.

Have fun out there!

[Thora]

A friend steered me to this site Donna.

I've had a similar experience at work. I was the first one to step up to the LGBT affinity group at the MAJOR auto company I work for. The LGBT group is extatic about it. I've recruited others to step forward. We not have a fair representation on the affinity group. We have done well to educate the people who represent us on the HR departments. I was asked to help with the Transgender Guidelines. We had just added Gender Identity and Gender Expression to our non-discrimination statements.

What I've found is that Transgender is the hot new topic in the corporate world. They found out that we (surprise) spend a lot as consumers. We also look at companies to see if they are friendly or not. That has some impact on our rampant consumerism. That rampant consumerism is what the companies want to tap into. Hence, friendly.

Remember, it was blue jeans that brought the fall of communism. I believe it will be our purchasing power that brings acceptance in the commercial world. It will be our acceptance in the commercial world that brings acceptance socially. It's not a wierd or wild string of logic.

This is why I constantly repeat; Someday we will all walk in the light. I promise.

I didn't get a promotion over it. You did very well.

[Angela E.]

Just wanted to add my and say how much I admire you for your courage.You go girl.Luv ya-Angela.:GE: