Does Crossdressing=Selfishness??

[TGMarla]

Much of what has been posted here, I agree with. Nice one, Tamara. I'm on board. And Julie York has also summed it up well. I used to be quite obsessive about my dressing. So much so, I used to dress at the expense of meeting friends, and I'd sometimes forgo family gatherings just to take advantage of the alone time. I still like my alone time, but I'm at a point now where it matters less to me. I seldom go out of my way to make time to dress up, as I am happy with what time comes my way instead. Sometimes an opportunity slips by, and I feel a little frustration or regret, but it passes.

I think this tendency that some of us have, to make time to dress at the expense of time with others is somewhat what Tammy Marie GG is getting at. But I think many people are a little obsessive about their pursuits and interests, and many people behave this way. So I doubt that our crowd here is more selfish than any other group. See? We're just normal.

[Wendy me]

selfish.??? well it's like some are and some are not selfish. my wife has yet to realy be fully acpteing but we are going to get there ...ok i love to shop i meen i realy love to shop i can go out and have a real good time buying things for me .. but i also love taking her out shopping ... she loves to let me go and pick out things for her..and tells me i have good taste in clouthes....as always she says something like how can you pick out all thiese nice things ?? i look at her and go well duh who do you think buys mine???

see my dressing and my shopping are like for now so just mine ... and when she becomes more accpteing i would shop with her all the time ...
so me selfish.?? no she just don't what she is missing yet...

[Melanie R]

Unfortunately many crossdressers are selfish. They are like a kid in a candy store and push the boundaries. Been there and done that so I am not casting stones. I can fully understand why some wives have difficulty accepting their husband's need to express their femininity. They do fear losing their "man" and fear that their husband may go the SRS route. As I say to many "put yourself literally in her shoes and see how you would react if your wife wanted to dress and act like a man andpushes the boundaries. On the other side I also know many wives who fell in love with their "man" because of his many feminine attributes but refuse to understand and accept his inborn need to express his femininity through feminine clothing. Some of these wives are also selfish. Some of these wives could never do better than what they have with their husbands who happen to be a crossdresser.

Hugs,

Melanie

[azure]

I'll put my hand up to have been selfish. I didnt realise it at the time, I was so engrossed in my full tilt dive into transition, and I can tell you the shock when close friends started to blank me or take me to one side for a one way conversation(they shout, you listen) and the cold truth hit me like a fridge off a tower block. I had been utterly self absorbed, interested in only my problems, my world, I was demanding attention and support but giving none back. What a complete waste of space I was, I was a very ignorant, and selfish person, what was going through my mind I ve no idea, because I now am very caring and thoughful of others feelings, maybe I grew up, I can tell you I learnt the hardest way, because all my freinds turned against me, they began a hate campaign, and my life became a living hell(which was what I deserved). But one evening, while walking near a river, chatting to myself to make sense of things I stopped, looked aound me, and said"Oh f__k I really am alone, oh god what have i done" Im not going to say i changed from that moment, because I had to accept the concequences that were coming to me, and learn my lesson. Its now 11 years later, and the knowledge of my selfishness is with me every moment, but now I listen to the past when it reminds me.

Ive witnessed very moving displays of support,care, empathy while Ive been in this group. I think its a very important forum to enable people to find a place to relate, and reduce their isolation.

Thanks for your time.

PS. hey my job today meant I had to visit an airport, and stood in arrivals
was the British singer David gray, and later I saw Russell Grant!

[carol ann]

Tammy
I am a CD but am totally on your side on this point. If you follow my posts you will see that I do believe that it is us CD's that are out of line and therefore it beholds us to be particularly sensitive in our relationships with our SO's.

Unless, possibly, the whole matter was in the open at the beginning of the relationship, then we have no right to expect our wives and partners to be be able to understand where we come from. Anything we receive in this respect out of their love for us should be considered a bonus.

In coming out, we create all kinds of confusions for our partners - sexually, emotionally, socially, workwise. The feeling of security that they enjoyed is taken away from them. This is not a minor thing - it is huge.

My wife found out, she was warm and sympathetic, but the subsequent body language showed clearly that my dressing was not something she wanted to be part of, or something she ever wanted in the open. I love her and respect that and so remain in the closet.

The decision that each CD has to make is - Which is the most important my relationship or my dressing? - To me there is no contest - My wife and family have to be first and foremost.

[sportschick]

When I first found this site, I was disgusted with every aspect of dressing, including the selfishness aspect. Oddly enough, I haven't dressed at all since right after I joined, observing and analyzing seem to have all but eliminated the need. But..thinking about it, it's probably no worse than going off for the day to play golf with the guys, or any other activity somone is passionate about that they are driven to do..I've difinitely blown off work and family at times to do my favorite sports. So..is it selfish? Probably, but then, so are a lot of other things..guess it depends on how much it takes you away from other responsibilities.