Feeling Jealous and protective

[Samantha_In_Mt_GG]

I would like to know if what I am felling is normal or if any one has been through this.

I have known about my boyfriends CDing for about 6 months and I am totally accepting of it all. We go shopping, have girls night with movies, makeup, and icecream . We have made time several times a month to do this type of thing. We also go shopping on a regular basis together and pick out clothes, undergarments and special things for each other. It is wonderful that we wear the same size. My side of the closet has never seen so many dresses or cute clothes. On the weekends I raid his side of the closet and he raids mine. I would much prefer a pair of his jeans and shirt to the slacks that i have to wear all week.
None of our friends have known about what we do until recently. SURPRISINGLY they all took it very well and accepted him. A few of them even told some secrets about themselves as well. Then of course they all wanted to see pictures. The girls were impressed. They guys couldn't look yet but they still treated him very well. It is nice when we all get together because we are all relaxed and there is some joking that goes on between everyone about the CDing and the others secrets, (nothing is ever hurtful) just all in fun. So all in all things are great. BUT the problem is that one of my female friends who has known my BF for several years wants to go shopping with him/us. Wants to give tips and advice. Granteed she does have good taste in clothing. Every time she says anything like that my green jealousy monster starts to show up. I am not one who usually gets jealous over anything, so it is bothersome to me to feel Jealous and protective. I think that I feel this way because for 6 months I felt like i had to protect his secret and we became so close, we have our little rituals that we do, such as wear the same color of toe polish all the time, because it was funny to us that we were the only ones that new what was going on. I guess now that she knows and so do the others, I feel threatend that what we have might be jepordized some how. Am I being parinoid here? Or has any one felt this way?

[Cheery GG]

HI samantha,

I can relate to your feelings entirely.....i have a very big green eyed monster too....who is very difficult to control at times.

As for the friend, i think if it were me, i'd be polite but say that this is something you and your So do together, and if you require her assistance you shall ask her. Try to leave it at that....if she is understanding and supportive she wont take it any further. I guess it also depends how well you know her yourself, maybe have a quiet word and say thanks for your help but its not needed.

I think in the situation we are in, its normal to feel a little out of our depths a lot of the time. Have you told your SO that you feel uncomfortable about her and her requests???

Hope things work out sam....

cheery
xx

[Sandra]

Yep been there with being protective, not so bad now but when Nigella first came out if anyone said "boo" to her I was ready to have a go, silly really because she can look after herself. As for the jealousy, only once really, we was at a night club, which was mostly used by gays and lesbians, it was our first night out in public so to speak, and this girl "hit on" Nigella, talk about the green eyed monster, people said "if looks coulda killed".

I do agree with you that feeling because you helped her protect her secret makes you protective and jealous.

I wouldn't worry to much though as time goes on it will settle down

ok where is she

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Samantha,
No I dont think your being paranoid at all. I would feel exactly the same. I think your friend is trying to show you that she has no problem with it and still values your friendship etc, and its her way of showing her acceptance. However, as well meaning as she might be, its not really her place to step in and could be very invasive of something rather special that you both enjoy doing together. People can be rather tactless in their zeal to help out and just assume that you need help when really everything is just fine the way it is. I'd be very inclined to tactfully just say thanks but no thanks.
I had a similar problem with a fellow beautician who guessed that my partner dressed after seeing his nails, she gave him her business card and invited him round for a makeover. He explained to her that I did makeovers for CDs but she still kept pushing her business in his face and asked him to fetch all his CD friends too. I like you, felt a tad put out, and quickly pointed out to her that we were just fine thank you very much. I know this is slightly different to your situation because this lady was more interested in the business side of things, but what amazes me is why some people naturally assume that you need their help and without it you'll struggle. Maybe that makes me a control freak I dont know, but Im perfectly capable of doing my partners makeup and whats more I really do enjoy it too.
His dressing is a very important part of our relationship now, very personal, and something that we really look forward to doing. I have found having a partner who likes to dress quite a bonus, its definitely not something that I'd really want to share with anyone else. Dont get me wrong, if my partner wanted to announce to the world that he was a CD that'd be Ok too provided that we'd considered everyone elses feelings first, but I wouldn't want him sharing all the special things that only we do as a couple. And tongue in cheek, if I had a friend who actually wanted to do all of those things I'd tell her to go get her own CD, afterall there's plenty of them out there who would just love to have an accepting female to help them out.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Di]

Hi Samantha, I see that you,d feel that way.........i`m protective too.....I think she is trying to be supportive and over stepped a bit...just tell her how you feel.Good luck

[Samantha_In_Mt_GG]

Thank you to all of whom replied. I feel so much better about how I feel. I did not think about her trying to show me how she is supportive and accepting as well as wanting to help. Thankyou for helping me to see that. All of you helped me to understand a little better on why I feel this way and how to approch her in a polite way. I especially love the quote" Go get your own CD.. . Kind of like a kid with a popcicle, I aint sharing..
any ways THANKS AGAIN.