Big Thank you to GG and others

[kelli]

Ok, first, I will apoligize for being long winded however, I had "the talk" with my wife. The thank you is for all the great post from so many that allowed me to reveal a secret hidden from all except a counselor for oh some 44 years.

Little background. Wife and I had one of our typical confrontations. She went out of town on business and I went to TG Pride in Richmond. She saw a note I left for our daughter saying I would be home very late that Saturday night. As I have done all my life I was vague: french for lied and she knew it. We have had some hard times the last 3 years.

At any rate after 3-4 days she wrote me an e-mail, I did not check my email for a couple of days so got it on a Saturday instead of Thursday. Instead of her typical: it is all your fault it was more it is all my (her) fault. I responded the next day via email and made sure I took the blame for everything. Got another email saying we needed to talk. Set the date for last Tuesday. We had a great talk, but, I could not bring myself to tell her about my long hidden deep secret. We seemed ok, but, I knew she wanted something that I could not give her until I did reveal the secret. Ya ya I am a big chicken.

Ok the email thing we both process anger better if we write it out, I am German Irish and she is Italian.

I love my wife more than anything, including money and my happiness, and I wanted us to be able to move forward, however to do that I knew I had to tell her. Ever since TG Pride, I had been lurking (sorry) on this forum and joined after a day or two. By reading lots of active threads and clicking on the links, it became apparent that I could tell her just had to get prepared and have my thoughts lined up. This past weekend in northern Virginia was to say the least wet so I was working inside painting a bathroom.

Saturday afternoon I told her we needed to talk. I was shaking so bad it was unreal. At any rate I spilled the beans, the pot and my entire life from age 4 on. How I satisifed my needs, purging, buying, you name it same as most TG/CDers.

When she saw how tough it was and the tears came she came around to hold me and after a few moments I told her I needed her to sit down so I could face her. Finished the life story and fumbled alot in trying to get words out to explain.

She started the 50 no 100 questions and I tried to answer them all as honestly as I could. I still do not know all the answers about myself. After about an hour or so she suggested that I pack some things and go get an apartment. I knew I was taking the chance of losing her forever, and was willing to do so if it meant a chance to have her forever.

Packed some things, put them in the car, said goodbye and took 2-3 minutes to get out of the driveway. Had no idea where to go so I was on a very slow long road north when she called. We talked some more and she said to come back to the house. We talked more, and more and by bedtime had passed the 200 question mark (not really but seemed that way).

She wanted to be held close and one thing led to another. We had the greatest lovemaking in oh 10 of last 18 years. Sunday, again rainy her mood changed and was crying etc. I knew better than to run to her right away, the question was when should I. I must have hit the timing pretty well as we talked for a couple more hours and she was better, but I could really see I how badly I had rocked the foundation of her world.

We cuddled that evening and Monday we talked again. Tuesday she was down again, but we talked and to be quite honest I was so worn out by thinking and answering questions I do not know how I stayed with it. Today she went to a counselor and I just hope we can find a way to true happiness.

I do not know where or even how this will end for either or both of us. All I know is that without the words, thoughts, and references provided my so many GG members of this forum I probably would have already lost the greatest GG I know.

I would like to especialy thank a Marla from I think CA for her post and link. That really was the one that started it all for me.

I am OK, just exhausted physically, emotionally and spritually as is my wife.

Thanks again and love to all

Kelli

[Anita Mae GG]

I am so glad you have been able to free yourself somewhat. Continue to talk and encourage your wife to educate herself. It is a work in progress, we can all testify to that...

Good luck!!!!

[dancinginthedark]

I think you did well by your wife even with the late response to her email and all. You gathered information and you answered her questions. You know her well enough to know when to hold her close and when to give her some room. I was relieved to hear about the love making if I may be so frank, since it shows IMHO she still sees you as her man and she still wants you. Whew! That must have been a great relief. Pardon the pun. I know her call as you were driving away must have been a God send.
Hang in there and hold on to your love for your DW ~ it'll be a bumpy road but you have made a great start.
Please make sure you come to the MTF forum too. The ladies are great and will give tons of support. You'll need them in the days and weeks ahead. And if you need any support here just holler we'll be there for you and when she's ready send the DW this way too.
God bless and keep you both. (((hug)))

[~Kitty GG~]

WOW! its great that you were able to do it.

Your wife might want to come here and see that she's not alone. It can make a world of difference.

Help to bring "normal" back to her world.. a differend kind of normal but normal beats that up and down and even sometimes upside down world she's probably in right now.

We're all here to help eachother.

Love & Hugs