Why do i do this?

[KymG]

Just recently ive been having a hard time wondering why i do this.
Its thriling and relaxing at the same time but i hate myself for feeling this way.
Ive never really got to grips with it.
Wouldnt it be easier to have the urge to play golf or something?
I think i look pretty good when dressed, and thats the attraction for me, but ive gotten more and more in to it, and it frightens me. I find it quite stressfull, apart from when im actually dressed and then it feels just right.

Why me?

[kimdl93]

I saw the why me question posed in an entirely different context and the response back was “why not you?”

That may be as good an answer as you can get. Some people love model trains. Some people find peace and relaxation in meditation. Some people feel good about themselves and even how they look when they dress as women. It just is.

[CrossKimmy]

im in that same boat girlfriend

[SylphDevine]

I wondered that myself for awhile...especially when it was a sex thing. I could barely control myself before, during and after.

It's not hard to figure why it feels so good to wear panties, stocking, a bra and a slip. It just feels so right. For me, the longer I stay dressed the more comfortable i become.

Since my wife has accepted it and participates I no longer have the "oh she's gone for a few hours, time for Sylph to come out and play".

I have many other "hobbies" that I am obsessed with (like gaming, and collecting comic book original art and comics, and playing drums and music) but crossdressing is my pleasure. I do it for me. One of my fantasies I haven't done yet is to get completely dolled up and play my drums. But whenever I cook dinner and clean the house I'm ALWAYS dressed.

When the pink fog hits, my wife always gets involved, because she knows I get distracted by it until I dress up.

[Gillian Gigs]

The "why me" question will not go away until you accept yourself in spite of your quirks.

I have said this to myself many, many times over the years, "if I didn't like doing it so much, I would have quit long ago". Bring it all down to simply this. We all need to , or have to wear clothing, so it's just that clothing! It is the cultural bias that messes with our minds.

Your own words, "I find it quite stressful, apart from when I'm actually dressed and then it feels just right". So, just keep it within your home and enjoy the time when it feels just right.

[Taylor Dame]

I asked the "why me" and the "why do I do it" questions for a long time. Still have no answers, but now feel "why not." It's only clothes, and it feels so relaxing and right to me. I've purged in the past with no success. I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze myself.

[Karren H]

I stopped asking myself that decades ago. It will drive you nuts trying to answer something that can not be answered.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I can't answer the why question for myself either, and I've had 60 years to think about it. My life would be so much better is so many ways if I didn't CD. But, it's also enhanced my life in more ways to count.

But I have the answer to your question. CD and play golf together. Play from the women's tees. You wouldn't be the first to do it.

[Suzie Petersen]

No, you wouldn't for sure, I have plaid from the women's Tee in a short skirt. Didn't help my handicap though so I don't know what the fuss is all about.

It would probably be helpful if someone figures out what it is that drives some boys/men to have this strange need, but it hasn't happened yet. Lots of theories, but no conclusive evidence from the scientific side of the table. All we know, is that it happens to some, not all, and it is an incredibly strong force that it sometimes makes us do stupid stuff to fulfill the need.

I don't know why I do it, but I cannot help myself. If I have an opportunity to "be" a woman for a little while, I "have to" do it.

[mbmeen12]

Don't worry, it's a phase.

[docrobbysherry]

Why NOT u, Kym? Instead of thinking of it as a curse, why not think of it as a blessing!?

Think of all the terrible things u could have become instead of a trans. Or, u could have died young in an accident or caught an awful disease. A million people recently died during the pandemic. Yet here we r!

My gosh girl, life is what u make of it and it's over so soon.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sherry is right. Flip the coin over and ask why are we so lucky. Lucky to experience that wonderful tactile feeling our clothes bring. The comfort, their ability to make us look good. Let's not forget the huge choice of clothes on offer. We call dressing in male attire drab because that's what it is. Restricted in choice, dull colours, one tee/polo/hoodie/trousers much like another.

And that joy of seeing your legs look good in hose and heels. What's not to like and enjoy.

I gave up wondering why a long time ago. I am what I am, embrace it, make the most of it, enjoy it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kym , Welcome to Our Mixed up World, Just Enjoy what you have, >Orchid**OO**

[Genifer Teal]

I remember introducing myself to the local support group. When I went for the first time i introduced myself saying I'm here to understand why I like to do this. The entire room laughed. discussions erupted, suggesting if I figured it out they'd all like to know. Good luck in your search. I'd like to know too. Lol

[GretchenM]

I view it differently than most. Everything that we do has a reason why we do it or we wouldn't do it. PERIOD. And the people who study this have come up with a number of explanations and found a wide variety of causes. But that is all a generalization regarding the behavior traits and their relationship to many influences.

In other words it is complicated; extremely complicated. However, with respect to the individual, that is exceedingly difficult to decipher and there are always many possible causes. Some of the factors involved include childhood events, genetics, hormonal imbalances, unusual developmental issues, and a huge pile of others.

It is true that pondering the cause can induce a lot of emotional difficulties that you really don't want or need and those can affect the quality of your life. So, unless you are trained in scientific thinking and investigation it is probably best to keep those musings at arm's length. So, for most it is best to simply accept it and manage it as best you can so it doesn't degrade the overall quality of your life but remains an accepted trait that you have that adds something positive. Unless you want to get pulled into a study of the phenomenon for years and years, just use your comfort level as a guide to managing that aspect of your life.

I have spent the last 12 years studying it in detail and understand the many excellent theories about where it comes from, but I still never found a firm answer to my individual behavior. Knowing the theories and understanding how each works helped me a lot, but I personally dive deep into everything I explore whether it is cosmology, quantum mechanics, the phenomenon of life, or whatever. But I am a professional scientist and that is what we do. Do I find answers? Not definitive ones, but I do understand it better. However, answers are still illusive, especially when it comes to gender.

However, I do know that males can be female-like and visa versa. Gender is definitely not a binary phenomenon as many in our culture think. Sex and gender are different things but they do influence each other to various degrees. Gender is a continuum or spectrum that we can move along over long or short periods of time. It is a part of how we have adapted to the complexities of life. It is natural and there is nothing wrong with it - it is just the way you are at this time.

[Sandi Beech]

Kym,

I had some of the same thoughts when I first tried crossdressing some years ago. I went through the purge and subsequent suppression of it for a long time. My other hobbies helped to keep it out of mind, but like so many others experience, it came back. The difference this time is I started going out and meeting people. That was something I rarely did in my early years. It made a huge difference for me. It was a lot easier for me to have self acceptance, when I found others were more accepting of me than I was of myself. My only regret is that I wish I had gone out to meet others socially sooner.

Sandi

[sweetdreams]

I don't have an answer for Why. None of us do. My wife once asked me "if you could make this go away would you do it?" My answer was no. It brings something special to the party.

I enjoy this part of me in very special ways. Yes it causes problems too, mostly in MY head. When I finally started taking this out the door, there wasn't a mob with pitchforks and torches. Generally I've had some really awesome interactions with GGs. The first time I went to a beauty salon for a makeover - oh my god. To be immersed in that ocean of femininity with 20 or 30 GGs, all of us trying to get pretty, wow. Sureal and no negative reactions - I was just one of the girls. Going bar hopping with 3 girls I met one evening at an LGTBQ event. Strolling through the mall and not having any negative reactions. Halloween is so much fun - really such a low stress time to go out and party with everyone and anyone. Friendly interactions with cashiers. My first pair of heels. My first wig. All special moments I will not forget. So many firsts that were special and unforgetable.

I don't know why I do it but I know it has special meaning for me. The more I accept it the better it is. The more I try to reject it the more of a problem it becomes. I think I will opt for acceptance and have some fun with it. I try to own it as much as possible - This is me, Here I am, Deal with it. There I feel better already.....

[Traci H]

The $64 million dollar question that I pretty much quit trying to answer. I realize I will just never know why I do this. The human mind is a complex organ that our understanding of is quite limited. At some point acceptance of who we are is the best route. Of course society can be a less overall accepting venue, but the biggest hurdle to my acceptance is my spouse. While in many ways she keeps me from going overboard, her total distaste of crossdressing makes my life a delicate balance. I pray for a change every day, but years and years have passed without change. I only feel guilty for the stress I put her through at times. I love her but get torn by my need to CD. The rest of society can KMA.

[Fiona_44]

I don't really know why I do it but I'm extremely glad that I do.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kym , It is just who er are and it's just what we Do. >Orchid**OO**

[KymG]

Thanks for the replies and positivity. Ive never really been able to accept this part of me, and yet ive come to need it more, and always have to be done up to the nines.
Then theres the issue of explaining this to prospective partners.

However, I will try and look at it differently in future.

[DianeT]

Kym why do you hate yourself for doing it exactly? Is that a question you can answer? Is it only because it may complicate your search for the right partner? Or because you consider it something wrong that you should be able to stop? We all know this isn't "wrong", and we all know this isn't something you can shake off, it's ther to stay, a part of what we are. The guilt only stems from mental constructions that society has put in our heads. These you can shake off, with the help of sites like this one.

[SylphDevine]

It took me the realization that when the pink fog consumes me that part of my self is coming out. I accept all the other parts of me (the gamer, the drummer, the performer, the father, the husband etc) the only difference is I don't have to "hide" those aspects of myself from others. Crossdressing has been so stigmatized by our rigid gender roles in society and community that the shaming and blaming is a real issue to contend with, should you allow the female to exist in society. It's interesting, once you "admit it" to your family and friends the questions come out..."are you gay", "do you like men" "are you promiscuous".

I think if I came out when I wanted as Sylph, people would expect me to be that way permanently. If I had my way I'd be Sylph in certain situations and my male self in others. Kind of like it is now, except Sylph only exists if it's a safe space. I really love Sylph. How she dresses. Her sense of style. How girly she feels. When I'm not her, my male self is quite different.

It's an odd conundrum.

Crossdressing is a very powerful thing...in my drumming, I've come across shamanic rhythms and the native american shamans that play these rhythms crossdress when they play, because assuming the feminine is required to properly elevate oneself in that spiritual plane.

Makes sense to me then in the real world, those of us who are crossdressers are simply expanding and elevating our spirits to a sweeter, clearer consciousness.

Plus it feels so awesome.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Thanks for the replies and positivity. I've never really been able to accept this part of me, and yet I've come to need it more, and always have to be done up to the nines.
Then there's the issue of explaining this to prospective partners.

However, I will try and look at it differently in future.

My wife discovered that I was a CD, and she insisted that I go to counseling. Counseling helped me accept myself, and that was a catalyst for everything else.

I've always had kind of a thing for dressing, but around the time I joined here, there was a local CD girl who what a frequent poster. To make a long story short, we met up en femme (FtT) at a local LGBT restaurant bar. She introduced me to two friends, and they introduced me to two friends and soon I was out and about with a rotating group of about a dozen girls. The there was a Yahoo group (a long time ago) and a meetup group and another meetup group and then Keystone for about a dozen years.

I've been out many, many times in vanilla venues and met many GGs while out. I've got many positive affirmations from them.

There's nothing like having a social group to go out with.

Maybe you can find a local social group to hang out with.

[alwayshave]

Kym, I use to wonder this all the time. At some point I realized I have had the urge all my life. Don't fight or question it.