Closer to owning it.

[nancy58]

I've had more Nancy time the last few months because my wife has had several extended absences. The most recent one has been a week long and ends tomorrow night. I have become more comfortable with every passing day, but I've still avoided disclosing this aspect of my personality to neighbors and friends at my LGBTQ-friendly religious institution (LFRI). I have, however, let the cat out of the bag several times.

One night after dark, I opened the door to go fetch the mail, and a neighbor whom I hadn't seen said hello to me as he walked past with his dog. Instinctively, I said hello back, even though I've tried to drill into myself not to react to people I know. Just in case he hadn't actually seen me, I decided that withdrawing into the house might call more attention to me, so I continued out to the mailbox, wig and all, and went back in. I'm wondering what will happen, but I repeat my mantra: "Own it!"

Last week, I was backing the car out of the garage, and my next-door neighbor and his wife were approaching in their car. I should have just stopped and waited them out, but they had already seen my wife's car coming out, and so they were inclined to wait however long it might take. So I backed out and turned to go up the street, and this gave them a full view of a grey-haired woman not my wife driving her car. So my next conversation with them could be interesting, too. "Own it!", I tell myself.

Saturday, I attended (in drab) what was to be the inaugural meeting of a LGBTQ+ group at LFRI -- unsure whether to present myself as a member of the LGBTQ+ community or as an ally (I have two gay cousins, and trans-male juvenile cousin). I expected a gay friend to be at that meeting, and he already knows Nancy. What I didn't expect was that there were only six people there, counting me, and of those, one was a member of the clergy and the other a member of the board of trustees. It was not exactly a big turnout. My friend kind of dumped his emotional load about why he wanted a group like this to exist, and in support of him, I shared a brief synopsis of my own situation (might have been trans-female if I'd figured this stuff out 35-40 years ago). So now three people know this about me, and I have to figure out how I'm going to handle it. To me, getting the group started is worth the risk of disclosures, because it should be helpful who are far deeper into such concerns than I am. So I'll take another deep breath and say, "Own it!"

[Suzie Petersen]

If you can manage the "Own It" philosophy, then more power to you Nancy! It certainly sounds like you are being pushed into it a little by things just happening around you.
I am in a kinda' similar situation where I have neighbors around me and have things to do outside, but if I do that, the proverbial cat could be all over the place, except in the bag! Not sure I am ready for that, but at the same time, I am getting closer to the "Own It" state too.
In a minute I have to take the trash out, and I am in full girl mode with long hair and so on, I cannot easily change to male mode for that one task, so I am probably just going to do it when it gets a little later here. Most likely the neighbors are in bed by now anyway, so low risk.

I do think that if one approaches this as you basically suggest, and if you are able to have a little bit of an "I don't really care what they think" attitude, then chances are things will work themselves out just fine. I just don't know.
A little concerned by my own attitude here, but at the same time, so tired of always hiding.

[bridget thronton]

Nancy you are doing well to own your behavior

[Connie D50]

Nancy please keep us posted, I'm hoping that you might have found a friend in one of your neighbors like Georgina has in her post

[SaraLin]

Don't be too surprised if your neighbors tell your wife that you're "having some woman" come over when she's gone.

[Bea_]

I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with owning it. I'm more androgynous (slightly to the femme) rather than female so there's no trying to hide my identity. Over the last few months I've slowly developed my makeup style and skills. I've worn yoga pants to the gym and on a few errands.

Oddly, my concern is less that I look too femme than that I look like a dumpy older guy in women's clothes. I think it would be much easier to just "own it" if i could lose 25 pounds and firm the rest up.

[Fiona_44]

Nancy,

You are likely to find, as I did, that most people will be fine with dealing with you as a trans woman.

[GracieRose]

I'm happy that you are able to own it and be yourself more. I'm sure there sill be some hic-cups along the way, but hopefully they will be minor. I think in general most people are accepting of a person that they meet face to face. I think that most of the 'hate' is from people that don't know a transgender person and have been fed a false generalization by people/groups with an agenda that are using the transgender community as an easy scapegoat.
I would like to own it. It has been tiring to pretend to be what 'society' wants me to be rather than being free to be the the person I was born as. I suspect that there are some that have an inkling that there is something different about me., and some have probably partly figured it out. I am wearing more clothes from the nice side of the clothing store when I am in drab. It makes me feel a little better to be not as drab as I am supposed to be. However, I am wearing rather androgynous clothing if I'm not specifically presenting as fem. And I suspect that a neighbor or 2 has looked out the window and seen Gracie driving up the street and perhaps recognized the car and wondered who the strange lady was. However, my wife does not want anyone else to know. She fears for the worst, and she is probably right that some would judge her for being married to and staying with "one of those people".
I saw where our city is having a Pride parade on my birthday. When I heard about it, it seemed like some higher power was sending me a message. It would be a great way to spend my birthday, as Grace, marching in the parade. However, it is not to be.
Congratulations on taking steps to own it. You are a braver soul than me.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not trans, just a closet CD, Nancy. As such I've met countless folks out dressed. But, none anywhere near where I live!

I have no interest in owning anything with anyone outside my immediate family. So, I don't take chances like u do. U sound like u WANT to be found out!?