Ask a GG - Three

[char GG]

Mine is now a 10 but it started out as a 1. My SO didn't start CDing until he was in his 60's. I was one of those who didn't know CDing was a "thing" in the real world. It took a lot of time and discussion along with trust to get to a 10.

[Di]

Mine was at a 10 but I knew from the beginning and no secrets. It was who Sherlyn was none of this hobby / kink thing it was real life .
I am Kinda on the same wave link as Dutchess some of the things I read here from some are off the hook / example pretending it is only panties and gradually adding as to not upset with the truth ( the baby step method)or the constant lies and hiding. It would be zero.

[Aka_Donna]

Question:

What are GG's experiences with SO being criticized by other GG's for having a CD in the house?

Or even broader, what conversations/snipets have you experienced with being with a CD?

Background:
CD is only in home as fear is of nasty comments, shunning behavior, and other put downs for seeing a CD in same place as SO?
We have so much negative talk today in society, that this would be just too much.

So any feedback, especially along lines of
-- does this happen?
-- what type of things are said?
-- how is this behavior interpreted?
-- what are good responses?

Thank you all.

[Di]

I never had any comments and we had friends, my daughters and neighbors around us in our home and out and about.
I pretty much had like minded people in our circle.

I can not even imagine that kinda behavior in my home. If anyone would have they would have been shunned by me FOREVER.

[char GG]

We've lived in our neighborhood of for over 40 years. Since my hubby didn't start cross dressing until approximately 7 years ago, some neighbors expressed surprise. But after that initial reaction, no one said anything negative. He only CDes to go out, so basically they see him walk from the house to the car. I believe at first, they didn't think that I knew he was outside CDed. After I told them that I was ok with it, they were ok with it. They treat him the same as they always have. Our closest neighbor said, "well, live and let live".

The only one who didn't really understand was our handicapped son who does not live with us. He doesn't really like to see his dad CD'ed it but doesn't complain, basically he just doesn't want to see it.

Our daughter doesn't live near us but she doesn't care whether he CD'es or not. She lives in a large city and has seen and knows other trans and CDers.

[Dutchess]

No , not here either . If ANYONE I knew did any of that it would be the last time they ever did . We also had our friends and two of my daughters and their wild friends . We had ALOT of people in the house over the years .

If you are mine - and that goes for both my wacky ex husband or my beloved late longtime companion -I defend you to the end just like I would hope you defend me . Period .

Now my late fiance( Kat) and I were always just soppingly in love and would readily engage in lots of PDA and sometimes ,yes, people we did not know would stare I am sure some was how s/he was presenting and alot was how we were with each other but ,really, we didn't care . No one said anything about Kats appearance at all.
My ex husband would never go out but he had alot of inner shame/guilt .

If anyone you actually knows bothers you like that you don't need to hang around with them anyway

[Aka_Donna]

Thank you

[ReineD]

SirDonna,

In the beginning of our relationship my SO was branching out and wanted to tell people who weren’t in this community. So we decided that I could tell my best friend. It seemed to us that she was open minded. And on my own, I told my brother. Everyone else who knew was involved in the LGBTQ community.

There was no negative talk per se, no insults, no shunning. But, there was disapproval. I think this came from a simple lack of understanding - a lack of exposure to people who crossdress. Both my friend and my brother thought it was an odd thing to do, even though they didn’t put it in those terms exactly. My friend had been invited to come out to dinner with my SO and I (with SO in girl mode), but she made excuses not to go. My brother asked if I was sure I wanted to be in a relationship with a crossdresser. They both knew that I was supportive and was not about to leave my SO.

Over the years we’ve done things with my friend and my brother (although with my SO in guy mode), and they always treated my SO with respect. But, the crossdressing was never brought up. They simply were not interested in talking about it or being involved. And now it’s been so long it’s as if I had never told them.

I think that very few people who know you or your girlfriend will hurl insults to your faces. This has only happened to us once, while we were on an outing and walking on the sidewalk. A group of teenage boys drove by, clocked my SO, and said something nasty out their car window. Most people not attached to this community will keep their real opinions to themselves, if they disapprove.

[krissy]

Hi Ladys i have a question im a big crossdresser i cant seem to find a bra that wont ride up on me .Do you all have this same problem if not how do i solve this.Thanks

[Miel GG]

Big or not big... maybe you picked the wrong size or the wrong model for your shape ? Cheap materials (cheap bras) could be the problem too. And did you try underwired bras also ?

I am confident you will find a well-fitted bras for you if you try one from a brand specialized in big size.

[confused_cathreen]

To me, this read like the CDer took it on himself to justify an emotional affair by using the DADT relationship with his wife as an excuse. DADT does not mean "you do whatever you want behind my back as long as I don't get to find about it". If the wife thought the same way, she could easily justify to herself having an affair as long as the hubby never found out. Very juvenile behaviour.

[ReineD]

This did happen early in our relationship and it almost ended it. My SO had befriended a woman he wanted to have as his own (not "our") friend. Strictly platonic from his end, but not from hers. My SO wanted to have his very own femme bonding experience with a GG, without me involved. She was willing to play along with it because she had ulterior motives. All my spidey senses told me this was a disaster in the making. I asked my SO to not see her without me but he did end up meeting her for lunch behind my back, I think several times. It almost ended our relationship. I wrote about it in here and had several pages of responses, all saying that my SO should have respected my feelings and not have gone behind my back. I showed him the thread and he finally decided to not see her alone anymore. It took awhile for me to fully trust my SO again.

Definitely not a good idea. The only successful relationships are those where there is complete and total honesty.

[DianeT]

Thanks for your answers River!

[confused_cathreen]

Even though it no longer applies to me, I will reply as I am one of those who had it thrust into the relationship after a lot of years. I could never forgive the lie and the hiding so started at 1, finished at 0. Would I have gotten to at least a 4? I will never know, the lack of communication on the subject didn't allow any positive move. But the positive is that I learned it's not for me. So not all bad!

[ReineD]

Very early in our relationship my SO told me that he didn’t want me to encourage him to dress. He wanted it to be his decision and looking back, I think he was striving for internal balance. He knew that I didn’t mind the crossdressing, and so he felt free to dress whenever he wanted to. I always go along cheerfully when my SO wants to go out dressed. I suppose I’m a 10, even though I don’t encourage. After all, the desire resides in his internal landscape, not mine. Also, the bulk of clothing storage space in this house is allocated to my SO. I don’t mind that either. I get that CDs really, really like clothes.

[Sarah21]

When do women know that it goes deeper than crossdressing for their partner? I was honest with my ex but as soon as I said it, she said that answerered a lot of questions she had. She didn't care about about the clothes, she just didn't feel comfortable being with another woman which I understand.

She was the one that encouraged me to find out who I am even though I know she was deeply hurt in the process. She is still an amazing friend.

[char GG]

Hi Sarah,

For my SO, it is all about the clothes so I am not really able to answer your question. Most wives aren't attracted to other women the same way they are attracted to men. I'm glad you and your ex are still friends.

[Crissy 107]

Thank You to all the GG’s who took the time to post to my question. I appreciate it. Crissy

[Kelli_cd]

As I put on my matching bra and panties this morning (Soma Memorable Full Coverage with Lace Trim and Soma Vanishing Edge Microfiber with Lace Hipster, both in Rouge), I wondered why is it that so many women only wear white, beige or black undergarments?
Matching sets make me feel especially pretty. I want to believe GG's would feel pretty in this, too.

P.S. Underdressing is all I get to enjoy.

[char GG]

I've never really asked women in "my circle" of friends if they wear matching underwear. So, I have no idea how many (when you say "so many"). However, maybe matching underwear isn't a big deal to the women who wear neutral colors.

Personally, I could not care less if my underwear matched.

If that's all you get to enjoy, have fun with it.

[char GG]

1. It doesn't bother me. I don't really care to be called "girlfriends" when I'm with my husband of 40+ years. I don't mind it if other people think that but personally, he will never be my "girlfriend". I have girlfriends and I have a husband.

2. Listening to CDers put on a falsetto voice that obviously sounds fake.

3. Personally, I don't see CDing as anything other than what the CDer wants it to be. I have no control over what CDers want to think.

[Di]

1) no bother

2) nothing comes to mind in my relationship but Sherlyn ...that just was who she was.
others we met and wanted to help them go out for the first time...many no shows, chickened out ...we tryed helping other CDs but gave up on that...waste of our time . So that probably happens with those in the closet the nerves kick in.

3) not in my relationship it was who she was.

[Dutchess]

1. No I dont care .

2. I don't care for the fake voices either , you are better off just using the one you have . Sometimes those false voices even scare me a little .
High drama , I do not like alot of drama with anyone and I see alot of Cd's engage in it and makes me wonder if they are prone to drama no matter how they present , its not cool .
Thinking they pass better , or are more woman than cis women or that we are somehow jealous of them.

3.It depends on the person . I dont see it as admiration though . My ex husband was a fetish dresser , my beloved Kat didnt like himself . Two totally different things . That was only in my world though , not applicable to everyone .

[ReineD]

I wondered why is it that so many women only wear white, beige or black undergarments?
Matching sets make me feel especially pretty. I want to believe GG's would feel pretty in this, too.

Strong colors can show through some clothes, especially the thinner, lighter, summer clothes. I choose undergarments as close to my skin color as possible so as to not have them show through. And since my undergarments carry me through all seasons, I don't bother having different summer and winter undergarments. I own a total of 2 identical bras and about 10 panties in light beige, that I replace when they wear out.

I also don't care if they match. And bras and panties don't make me feel pretty. They're strictly utilitarian. Honestly I forget I even have them on. I also don't care what other people wear under their clothes. I can't think of anything that would interest me less. I think that only crossdressers care about such things.

That said, the few times in my life that I HAVE wanted my bras and panties to be especially matchy and sexy and lacey and all, was in my new relationships with men. I wanted my men to think me sexy in them. But after decades together, this type of thing loses importance.

So just as you wonder why women don't feel the same about underwear as you do, I wonder why so many crossdressers (not just you) feel compelled to describe in great detail their bras and panties. I can't tell you how many members here have described their underthings when they describe an outfit they've worn. I really don't get it.

[Di]

I probably have if it was a gift but most likely still did not wear together.
For me I would rather consider what I am wearing on the top and bottom of my outfit and select the item that will work best underneath.

I guess for you it is your little secret what you are wearing matching underneath ( and that is fine enjoy) I never till coming here in the forum read so much detail and maybe Obsession with under garments .