I have been a little troubled by the recent spate of posts with the common thread that we, the cross dressing husbands are somehow unworthy, we are not the loving partners we all hope to be. We all, apparently, possess this deceitful negative part of our being that taints our very existence and negates our right to be in a loving relationship. We are evil incarnate, somehow tricking our spouses into their living nightmares. We do not deserve their love, have not earned their companionship and are only marking time until we trash our relationships, create outcastes of our spouses and go on to live our own selfish existences… If we are cast out like ‘Wednesdays garbage’, well that is probably too good for us anyway. We deserve all we get and more… So what hope exists?????
I’ve recently ridden the rollercoaster of emotions, experienced the worst that we can impose and seen the damage that can be caused to a relationship by what we do. Whether forum induced or the mid-life crisis reaction we have when we already own a sports car a big motorcycle, I cannot explain the surge, the pink fog induce over reactions that precipitated the response that occurred for me earlier this year. Did I deserve it? Probably yes. Did I cash in all and any rights to claim to be, to remain a loving, caring, supporting husband??? Well your call!!!
Is my marriage somehow in a lesser category than others?
I have worked hard all my life, served my country in the armed forces, now serve and protect the community I live in. I currently earn several times the average wage, but am I less worthy than the unemployed husband who tries (and often fails) to support his family on welfare??
As much as work allows (and that’s all I’ll permit to interfere), I’m there for the family, at sport, at school, where ever I’m needed. And yet should I feel less worthy than the husband whose life is consumed by sport, gambling, alcohol, narcotics, fishing, golf… or any other distraction???
I love and cherish my wife, I value and honour our vows. I would sacrifice myself to protect her, do anything to please her and do everything I can to provide for her every wish. And yet I’m made to feel less worthy than the husband who reverts to domestic violence and holds the relationship hostage to fear. Can that be ever be justified???
I can never know how my wife truly feels, but is what I do the total show stopper it is painted to be??? Yes we are all good at making excuses for our dressing, justifying, validating, rationalising our actions but is all this really necessary.
Is what we do really that bad?? Do we all really deserve the pariah tag so quickly applied???
I’ve been away from the wife and kids for a week now, with several more days to go. Should she be happy I’m not there to embarrass her, to impinge on her right to the feminine and to usurp her ownership to make up, beautiful clothes and high heels? Does that hour or two when the opportunity presents each month damage her self-esteem that much?
I, as a CDer of this community, have joined in the ceding of the moral high ground, the acquiescing and the outpouring of apologies recently. I have offered my explanations, my excuses and I’ve tabled my statements in mitigation. But are we offering too much without due consideration in return? Is there any give and take? Are we entitled to some leeway?
As you put recently, I only ask to add voice to those who surf anonymously. Is a little introspection and re-evaluation warranted?