Perhaps some of you are bored with the ever evolving drama of the Rez or the continual chaos of this crazy big world, so here, I'll spice things up for you!

I am transgender, more specifically I am a trans woman, and at my core I am simply and completely a woman. Unfortunately I was born in a male body. And while I'm grateful to have a body, everyday feels like Opposite Day, or like being a fish spending it's life trying to operate the body of a horse. On top of that, everyone sees me as a horse and treats me like a horse when all I wanna do is frickin swim and be treated like a fish (guess I should be careful saying that to a bunch of Indians lol).

For some trans folks they are able to recognize that their bodies do not match or align with their internal identities from the very beginning as toddlers, or further along as kids, while for others it can be a long, gradual process of realization. For me it's been a long, gradual process. Nobody told me I wasn't a boy, and so it took me a great deal of time to fully understand why I felt so different from the boys/guys I grew up with and why I related so much more with the girls/ladies in my life and was so drawn to stereotypically feminine things like fashion, makeup, nails, soap opera's etc. As a kid I played with many toys that are generally assumed to be for boys such as army men and Gi joes, but I also had a cabbage patch doll and played with barbies and ponies. At 11 years old (1996) I began taking my sister's clothes. Lucky for me my mother also sold Mary Kay so I had access to lipstick, and my grandmother had this nice, shoulder length, black wig she used to wear that somehow ended up laying around our house for a long time, so, you know, score! (Thanks Nim).

From this time, through my teenage years and my early/mid twenties, I couldn't really grasp why I felt so drawn to these clothes, so comfortable, why they just felt so right. I was always on the shy side, and because I was attracted to females I thought that I was just a shy, respectful kind of guy, you know, like the ones in the movies who are rejected or overlooked for most of the time and then finally get the girl at the end. I didn't have the 'male game' that all the bros had, and so I rationalized that my wearing women's clothes was a way for me to feel close to a girl. The fact that you can actually be a girl in a male body didn't fully cross my mind (at least not consciously), and of course back then visibility and knowledge of the existence of trans people was minimal so it wasn't really on my radar. I knew that I was not gay, and so my attraction to men (yes, I like them too) didn't fit with me thinking I was a boy, so I remained partially in denial of this attraction up until the last several years. Don't worry bros, I've always seen you as my brothers. It just so happens that I've always been your sister.

It's been over the course of the last 10 years that I finally began realizing that my complete discontent with my body/voice/social expression, etc is because I'm actually a girl/woman and not the boy/man that the doctor at birth and society thereafter had indicated. One of the defining features of this 10 year period is that it contains my 3 romantic/intimate relationships, each one unique but sharing similar emotional/physical struggles on my part that inevitably led to complications within the relationships, especially the 1st and 3rd as the 2nd was fairly short. Not to say that I'm the only one who brought struggles and complications to these relationships, but definitely acknowledging the underlying enormity of mine. Though unintentional, each one of these relationships turned out to be a stepping stone on my path of self realization. I can only hope that our shared time together has become a stepping stone forward for these amazing women as well. I respect and am very grateful for all 3 of you. I want to express additional gratitude and sincere empathy for Terra as she is the only one of the 3 who knew about my journey of self realization from a year and a half into our 5 and a half year relationship. I am very thankful for your acceptance, patience, and support, as well as acknowledge the frustrating difficulty of dealing with the fact that your boyfriend is progressively realizing that he (she) is actually a girl and all of the aspects that were affected by that reality. If there's one thing I've learned from these relationships it's that it's nearly impossible for a girl to be a boyfriend.

So that brings us up to now. Though you all already know me, I shall reintroduce myself. I am Jasmine Flynn Xatma Sqilxw Peone, or Jaz for short. I am a bisexual woman. I go by she/her and am a sister/daughter/aunty/niece etc. I'm the same girl I've always been, just older and wiser and finally about to live as my true self. I've had the name Jasmine for about 20 yrs (2000ish) though for most of that time I was the only one who knew it. When going through names at the time, that was the only one that fit, the only one that felt completely right, the one that was simply me. Though I have great respect for those who do, I personally don't use the term 2 spirit to refer to myself as I don't believe in the literal meaning of having 2 spirits, again I completely respect those who do. I do believe in the metaphorical meaning of 2 spirit acknowledging the double oppression of being indigenous and being LGBTQ2+, though again I don't use it for myself as I don't wish to be interpreted as having 2 spirits. I am currently in the process of medical/social transitioning (a form of shapeshifting), which of course is part of why I'm currently sharing this with you all. I began taking testosterone blockers on March 4th and began taking estrogen on June 1st. I am officially socially transitioning as of now (June 8/9 2020). One misconception about being a trans woman that I want to clear up is that I am not a "man changing to become a woman", I am a "woman changing my body/social expression to finally align with who I truly am and have always been". The experience of being a girl/woman living inside a male body is completely and extremely frustrating (explains why our suicide rates are so high) and is very difficult to effectively describe to those who don't experience it. For me, some of my physical characteristics that bring me the most distress/dysphoria are #1 my voice, as well as my masculine facial features, my current male hair, my facial/body hair, my male smell etc etc etc......... basically the only body part that cooperates with me are my nails. Oh yah, and I do have slender, feminine fingers (thanks great spirit).

For moving forward this will definitely be a process. As I can't stand my current male hair, I will likely wear wigs most of the time (though wigs are not ideal) until my hair grows out a bit and the estrogen over time changes it's texture.Though I had secret access to my moms Mary Kay, I only ever played around with lipstick because our household was busy so I didn't have the privacy or know how to explore all the other makeup, I've only begun sporadically in recent years. This means it's gonna take me a while to get comfortable and confident with it, though I wish I could fast forward my skills a bit because I love makeup so much. My voice is going to be one of the most difficult, frustrating, focused, and time consuming parts of my transition, and will likely be a key factor in people misgendering me as he/him instead of she/her. It sucks that one of the hardest things to change is one of the characteristics that I hate the most, but hey, nothing like extreme motivation to make progress. I will be legally changing my name and gender in the next little while, and though my body will never 100% match with who I am internally, I look forward to this next chapter of my life and getting it as closely aligned with me as possible.

As a note, most trans folks value their privacy regarding medical/body/personal issues much like anyone else, however, perhaps due to me also being a teacher, I want it to be known to you all that I am completely open to questions and with me being an analytical introvert, I actually thrive on detailed discussions about topics/issues that interest and/or affect me, so ask away! Also, science is more and more confirming that people are born transgender and though numbers are not solidified, through statistics it is estimated that possibly .5 percent of the population may be transgender, that's 1 of every 200 people, so hopefully I'm helping pave the way for others who may not be ready or feel safe enough to emerge yet.

To kind of wrap things up here, I want to thank the family and friends who have known about me a little bit ahead of time for their support and acceptance. I thank my mom for the lifelong support, long before you knew about me and for always being here no matter what. I thank Grouse for your continuous love and support. I greatly thank Sheadon, Ava, and Hunter for your amazing acceptance and support, you are solid troopers for sure! I thank my sister Amanda for unknowingly providing me with my early wardrobe, it definitely helped me along my path. I thank my sister Hailey in advance as I know you will be one of my most steady, consistent supports in the long term. I thank my brother Dennis for being just straight up cool. I thank one of my dearest friends Sam for your very heartfelt support. Throughout the years I've had opportunity to be there for you and support you in different ways, and since I shared this with you in December you've been one of my greatest emotional supports. And I look forward to interacting with the rest of my siblings, parents, and everyone else as my true self. Also thanks to my nieces for their support. Thank you all in advance for your acceptance and support.

Finally, I just have to say-

Black Trans Lives Matter, Trans Lives Matter, and Black Lives Matter

in recognition of the epidemic of Black Trans folks, particularly Black Trans women being murdered in the US,

the pandemic of Trans folks being oppressed and murdered around the world,

and of course the continuing atrocity of Black People being murdered and oppressed by police and colonial systems in the US, Canada, and elsewhere.

As an Indigenous Trans woman I stand with you,

All my relations