I feel that I was a bit unclear about what interested me in this:
a) let me make clear, that I accept my being cd and I have no problem with it other than the usual practicalities of life.
b) I am still interested in understanding what triggers it. Because it comes and goes and it definitely is tied to external factors. Maybe not the "if" but the "how much of" this need to cd is tied to my external world.
Having said this: I feel that it is tied to my life being usurped by workplace like interactions with other people.
By this I mean that I oftenfeel that I can't be who I am. I feel that others won't react affirmatively to my softer sides or understand only parts of me. Those parts taht they can work with. So it is in the everyday life which is mainly a life of workplace interactions (if its not my workplace it is someone else's) that I feel not affirmed for who I am. I tend to think that this means, that I am more feminine than a male frame can be attributed with. But this can also be, because it is just the kind of environment where people reduce you to a function for their workprocess.
My assumption is, that most of life's interactions are pretty alienated stuff.
So this is what I meant: Is it when there is no place among my fellow people where I can be something other than just a cog in their worklife that I feel the need to break out?
Cding is something where I can attend to my softer sides and it, the dressing up, creates an environment around my self in which I can be that.
I hope this clears it up a little.
And let me ask again: Don't you think there is something to it? That it is like life bubble in an alienated environment?
Lilli
