Detailed response to an essay from the quoted URL.
Here is my detailed answer to one of the essay "Watch that man" by John published at :
http://ybatv.blogspot.com/
Love
Nadia-Maria.
___________________________________________
John:
<< Watch That Man*!
Take a look at this man. He's in the grip of some kind of sexual episode. The arching of his back, the thrusting and grasping of his breasts and the half-lidded look of arousal on his face, all tell you he is experiencing intense sexual feelings. Most of the men reading this will have seen themselves in the same or a similar state of arousal, dressed in women's clothes, fondling their own body and enjoying the sight of their own sexual excitement. I'm no exception. I do it as much as the next man.>>
Nadia-Maria :
Me too.
Nevertheless it often happen I may be crossdressed for a couple of days without significantly seeking for whatever sexual excitement. I just feel good and happy being somewhat or fully crossdressed, not needing more, and doing the activities that I have to. As an example, at this very moment, while crossdressed as usual when I’m alone, I am studying and responding your stuff, just feeling femme especially whenever my attention escapes a little from the work in progress.
On the forums (and polls) you will easily find CDers that even deny to ever crossdress for sexual reasons. Moreover, I remember another CDer (bisexual and living as a Tgirl for a great part of her time) saying that – when crossdressed – she experiences sexual feelings at moments, yet not quite often, just in the way most genuine women must do.
<< It is one of the things I find very curious about being a heterosexual transvestite. While I (and, no doubt, millions like me) will ogle myself and fondle myself, aroused and excited by the sight and feel of my own body, it is something that I only do while cross-dressed. I don't find myself at all titillating in my normal clothes, or naked. Now, why is that? >>
Nadia :
My experience is somewhat different from yours on this very point. As a rule, to be easily turned on, titillating requires at the same time the fancy : (a) either being close to a desirable woman ; (b) or being myself this desirable woman.
I understand you describe for yourself only the (b).
<< The simplistic answer (which doesn't explain anything) is that the female clothes are "fetish objects". That is, it is the clothing causing the arousal and the clothing that we are responding to. >>
Nadia :
I initiated CDing, about 5-6 yrs old, when I dressed secretely in the pink dress of my older sister. I can’t think of this experience as being a sexual thing at all. I now believe I did it because I wanted very much to be a girl as my sister, and/or to experience how it felt to be a girl. The experience was a success since I did it again and again, with only a fading interest between age 8-12.
As an older teenager I was apparently sexually slightly aroused, however without a correct understanding of the thing. Note that, I fully understood the sexual act and discovered the orgasm as late as aged 22.
If dismissing my early experiences - my CDing as a young adult (in my 20s-30s) would have certainly favored the fetishist hypothesis, since I was instantaneously turned on by initiating any CDing session, and I had to come back to drab immediately after the orgasm.
So that I have believed for almost 2 decades I was a fetishist, and especially after having studied the DSM-IV of the mental diseases.
Now, it is clear for me that female clothes are not, and never have been, fetish objects for me. I obviously like the sighting and feeling of beautiful and sexy clothes, however the sexual key is my fancy. I have to live, or at least fancy, a situation involving a real woman. And clothes (such as pictures or videos as well) are merely facilitating all the fancy process.
Nevertheless the fact that fetishism is not the right hypothesis for your and mine CDism do not imply fetishism doesn’t exist at all.
I believe there must be different categories of CDers. Obviously, you and me fall in the same broad category, since I identify extremely well with what you describe, but there still exist other categories of CDers, say at least for instance*:
Fetishists*: you can find many of them on Flickr*; they seem to be essentially porno addicted people, and on their pictures they differ greatly from Emma’s green picture*: their pics are all about their penis in female undies.
Full time Tgirls*: they seem to act obsessionnally as women, quite a few even having to protect themselves koz they «*experience*» monthly «*règles*».
They show themselves everyday to others as women, possibly for seeking confirmation and convincing themselves they «*are*» women.
Gay drag queens whose main motivation is to attract men.
MTF Transsexuals.
Even in our broad category of CDers (mainly heterosexual CDers), I can see differences, and maybe it is a whole continuum in this category from the mildest form of CDism (as you wrote, about one SD below average) to the strongest form (about one SD above average). And there seem to be a general trend along the life to evolve more or less towards the top end of the continuum (maybe a one SD move)
<< But not only is the whole fetish explanation of transvestitism empty (it merely replaces one mystery with another), it is also clearly wrong. Take a look again at the photograph and think again about how you interact with feminine clothes. It is my contention that the man in the picture is not aroused by the clothing, he is not being turned on by a dress or a wig. He is aroused by the transformation of his appearance, for which the clothes are merely instrumental. What's more, he is not simply feeling hot because he looks like a woman, he is projecting his transformed sexual identity so as to enjoy the feeling of being sexually desirable as a woman. >>
Nadia:
I definately agree.
Your comments fit well the picture of Emma in green.
I identify well with this picture.
Yet this picture may not account for every CDer.
<< To see this more clearly, look at the picture again. This time imagine it is a real woman. (I deliberately chose a man with a slim and feminine body shape to make this easier.) If this was a real woman, what does it look like she's doing? I'd say she was posing provocatively in order to attract men to her. She looks as if she's feeling aroused and she'd like someone to have sex with her. The arching of her back and the presentation of her breasts would be a clear sign to an ethologist or zoologist that she is ready to be mated. In fact, the scientific term for such behaviour in other species than ours is "presenting". >>
Nadia:
Well found, I mean.
I have taken suggestive videos where I’m doing exactly that myself.
<< So, going back to the picture, here we have what looks very much like a woman who is apparently aroused and signalling to us that she'd like sex. Now we need to ask ourselves; why is a man doing this? Indeed, why do we all--most of us heterosexuals--do this? Why are we acting as if we're trying to tempt a man to come and mate with us? And don't kid yourself that the attraction we try to generate is aimed at anything but men. Setting aside your awareness that this picture is of a man for the moment and being brutally honest with yourself, you have to admit that, on some level, this picture arouses sexual feelings in you. It's a normal masculine response to the purely visual illusion of an aroused and sexually receptive female. You also have to admit that this appearance and pose is likely to do nothing for a heterosexual woman.>>
Nadia:
Much agreed. I share your reasoning.
<< So why do we do this? I think the possibilities are these:
1. We do really want a man to have sex with us. Although we don't know it or admit it, we are all closet homosexuals or, perhaps more accurately, closet transsexuals.
2. We are doing it as part of some kind of fantasy play-acting. We pose for ourselves the way we would like a woman to pose for us and imagine our mirror image or self-image to be a genuine woman.
3. We feel a wholly auto-erotic desire to have sex only with our transformed selves.
4. We feel an 'abstract' sense of wanting to appear feminine and desirable which is not directed at any external person or group but which is complete in itself.
5. We do it purely to imitate women we have seen, to add to the illusion of being female, and not for any reason to do with sex.
I think it is quite probable that, for different individuals among us, any one of these motives might be the main one. I also think that most of us will have more than one of these motives working at the same time. However, I am not looking at individuals here. I want to understand what motivates the great majority of us. So, if you happen not to fit the answers I come up with, that's fine, as long as you are special. If you are not special, and you still don't fit, then let me know because it means I got it wrong somewhere. >>
Nadia:
About Agreed.
I would modify your point 5, by removing the inadequate words «*and not for any reason to do with sex*». Point 5 would then become*:
"We do it purely to imitate women female sex symbols, porno stars or prostitutes we have seen, to add to the illusion of being the most strikingly female, a desirable woman in the most female expression of feminity, that is in the sex act."
My own conviction is*: clothes may discriminate rather convincingly women from men, but they are just clothes. Only the sexual act is what can ultimately discriminate women from men*!
Then, to reach CDing’s aim, the ultimate crossdressing move is play-acting a sexual act where the CDer is the female partner.
CDism has to do, I guess, with even ultimately trying to experience a female orgasm, to really happen to know what it is to be a woman.
I ‘m living my crossdressing as sort of an artistic expression. Like others are painters or play the piano, I express artistic tendancies by crossdressing. I interpret the role of a desirable woman in my theater. I know that I’m only a mere interpret, but at times I try to be the best possible actress. The play may last for several hours to several days. It involves mainly clothing and the play is mainly not sexual.
Usually the non-sexual play may please me enough so that I happen to end the play and come back willingly to my drab persona.
But, at times, I strive for being a better actress, still more convincing. Ultimately I will try to believe for a moment I will be a real woman. I will play-acting a sexual act where I’m the female partner. The male partner will be a virtual one*: he has no importance at all. At the beginning of the play-acting, I will fancy to play both roles, the female partner and the male one too. In the play I can play successively the female role and the male role, as in a one (wo)man show.
I always keep knowing it is a fancy, maybe except for the very few moments before the orgasm. Otherwise I will not have the orgasm. Maybe for the very few last seconds, the virtual male partner ceases to be myself to become whatever man as I mentally shift to the feelings of my female self concentrating in experiencing a female orgasm.
<< Going through the possibilities above,
(...)
But to the woman, all she feels is an urge to dress up because it makes her feel good. Attracting mates is just a side effect that Nature finds useful. For some reason, perhaps to do with a quirk of our early development, transvestite males have also developed this brain function. For us, it has no benefit whatsoever but has the side effect of making men, including ourselves, find us sexually arousing. >>
Nadia:
I find much insight in this conclusion.
Yet it doesn’t explain why I want to be all like a woman, and then experience a female orgasm, as the ultimate feminine characteristic.*