Immediate Action Required!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Holly
Corrine, now is the time to back off. He knows you know and he knows that you love him. He is not going to change his perception of himself overnight. Give him some time to take this in and process it. The next move is going to have to be his.
Corrine: this is unchartered territory for me b/c I have never found myself disagreeing with Holly. That said, I do have a different take on your situation -- and I am certain that Holly and I (as well as the others on here) have your best interest at heart in our suggestions.
I don't think this is the time to back off at all -- I think it is time for you to be proactive and change tact, and see if you can't get the two of you on the same page. True, he is going to have to change his perception of himself, and that won't happen overnight. But, the next move, IMHO, is yours -- you need to lay a few facts on the line ASAP . . .
You have said that you have found high heels of his, but that he still doesn't realize you found them. Now, do I also understand you correctly that you have found panties and jewelry (that he attributed to being his ex-wife's)?!! And, do I understand that his ex has confirmed some knowledge of his being a crossdresser?!! And, do I understand that you two have had a talk where he pretty much confirmed what he is, but in so doing indicated that he thought he must be some sort of freak?!! And, do I understand that his ex "outed him" to a friend?!! And, one last thing, do I understand that y'all have worn panties in the past?!!
Sorry for all the questions -- I am just trying to put the pieces of several posts together.
"IF" I have read these correctly, then you do "know what you know." And, you also know that he has been outed by someone he once had a relationship with -- which would be a personal betrayal even though the relationship was essentially over. You also know that he thinks what he does is somehow "freakish" and/or not natural, and/or even "sick."
"IF" I have all of this essentilly right, I am of the opinion you need to get in a quite place with him immediately and tell him (a.) you have found his heels -- and whatever else you have found; and (b.) you get the distinct feeling that he thinks what he does is freakish and/or sick; (c.) you understand that he has faced a brutal thing -- being outed to a friend by someone that should have kept his confidence even if their relationship was over; (d.) you want him to know that you are not that type of person -- you want him to be happy and you are willing to learn and grow -- to accept him for what he is and keep his confidence no matter what; and (e.) the only obstical to the two of you growing would be him failing to trust you with regards to accepting him and what he is!!!
Corrine: I truly believe you need to get all of this out and in the open -- it goes to the very foundation of trust, honesty, and commitment!!! You cannot have a healthy and vibrant marriage without this!!! If you think he will cut you off with some form of denial if you try to talk to him about all of these points, then write it out (sweetly), leave it where he will find it and have time to read it, digest it, think about it, and re-read it, AND then later have the opportunity to talk with you.
I have decided to talk to him this weekend
Corrine, you are a lovely lady. Why don't you both go upstairs and try on matching or the same color panties
Cissy