Dummies guide to divorce?
I've asked this question on the Roses Forum in the UK but I thought I'd post it here as well to see what you all think. I understand that any answers here from non-UK people are possibly not going to apply as much but any advice is still appreciated.
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Okay, just to clarify at the outset that I am not, as yet anyway, getting divorced.
However it was a very real possibility when I first came out to my wife this year about the crossdressing and it's something she's threatened (though not too seriously before this came out) before.
So why am I asking. Well I found (a month or so ago) photocopies of bills, bank statements, etc. This scared me a bit but since things were going okay I didn't mention it at all.
We just had a rather stressful weekend with my wife's parents who appeared outwardly fine but I'm told they are still very upset and overall Christmas has been a little strained with this and the fact that we're all at home together, etc, etc.
Anyway, this could explain why my wife commented at 5 o'clock this morning that she couldn't be bothered with Christmas or New Year or anything and we should just get divorced. Probably this was fatigue catching up (our son is quite demanding at the moment, he's 3 and full of beans - which is good - but has been waking up in the night alot and just tiring my wife out).
So it seems that divorce is still a threat and may even end up a reality and I know absolutely nothing about what could happen and need to 'even' things up a bit so I can at least talk to my wife about what this could really mean.
Questions:
1) Does divorce often consist of assigning blame? Does one partner have to be the reason why the marriage must end? And if this is established is it prejudicial to how things move forward, e.g. your fault you lose out?
2) I've heard that everything that you own jointly is generally divided up using some ratio, I assume 50%, e.g. the house is sold and any profit shared out. Is it 50%, my wife said something about 60%!
3) What about wages/bonuses/etc? Is this something that automatically gets split or worked out in court or individually? Can a wife claim a large amount of a husbands salary (I presume this would at least require fault to be established).
4) What happens with children? Who gets custody and what rights does the other partner have? Would crossdressing be an argument to deny custody or access?
I appreciate that any advice here is just from personal experience and doesn't constitute legal advice. I would also emphasise that I'm hoping that I don't need to go down this route ... however, and this is the final question; what are peoples general experiences/thoughts about divorce in these sorts of situation?
A friend of mine (whose parents divorced when she was little) suggested that it may be best (in some cases) for everyone in particular the children involved; she said she felt better once her parents were separated. I've certainly heard the same argument before but equally I wonder if it can be better to stay together.
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Oh god, what have i done.
Fiona? Bobbie Jo here,
It was probably the very second that i sent that post that i realized i was wrong.Please,Please,Please forgive me. I know that all women aren't that way.I was just speaking from my experience. I didn't mean to drop that ton of bricks from my shoulders to yours.
And for what Kitty said, I HAD THAT COMING. I even expected it.( after the fact) Again,Please forgive me, and that go's for Kitty too.I know i had that coming Kitty. Please frogive me.:sad: And that goes for all you girls,Please. I'm very,very sorry. I've just been so hurt...
I really hope everything turns out for the best.
Love,hugs and kisses,
the real new girl in town,
Bobbie Jo
P.S. i think i need to go see a shrink........................