Self Acceptance?

I AM Lana Mae! I accept that, but what is Lana Mae like? I was hit before Christmas with a strong desire to get a doll! A cloth doll with a cloth body! I spoke with my councilor about this! She said that was fine and that I want it to hold, hug, and talk to! I told my daughter and she got me a nice large cloth doll all in pink and white, even her braided hair! I have to come up with a name. I first thought of Shelby! I am not so sure of that, so she goes unnamed for now!
I see this as a step backwards to a childhood I never was aware of and did not happen! Although I did play dolls with the local girls, but I was brother or father!
I am fully willing to go there-self-acceptance!
Hugs Lana Mae

Lovely Lana Mae. Self-acceptance is key and sometimes it will take us back to times when life was simpler and we could more easily be who we are. Of course, they can also be traumatic times that made life difficult. We need to be prepared to encounter them both. But honestly, where we are today and how we express ourselves is of primary importance. Enjoy your new friend with a cloth body. I have a friend who bought herself a cloth lamb who has become a very important companion for her. I know my teddy bears are important to me...

Who knows what Lana Mae is like? She is still evolving, still growing. My guess is the doll represents a need to nurture. Something that you missed out on as your true self.

When we transition we do not leave one firm foothold for another. Transition is more of a slippery slope, not bad but certainly unpredictable.
When I transitioned I needed to live in an apartment and drive a cute car like I imagined a lot of single women do. You have been in both.
Our needs change as we grow into ourselves. For some time now I have needed to live in a house that I own that needs remodeling.

Evidently some of us need to experience things from our childhood as our authentic self. Last Christmas I wanted some hard rock candy like we always had at Christmas when I was a kid. Couldn?t find any but I did find some Queen Ann Chocolate Covered Cherries like we always had. Funny, half that box is still in the freezer.

Like you I have a need to nurture too. I don?t need a doll because I have Obiwan. I take pretty good care of my house guests too. Enjoy your doll. Maybe your doll needs to have your daughter?s name or a version of it?

This actually makes sense to me, Lana Mae. Those of us who didn't "grow up as girls" typically had no opportunity to experience most of the things that are "run of the mill" experiences for our afab sisters.

We should do a podcast episode on this topic.

I didn't get a doll but I got the Ikea Blahaj shark that has become a transgender icon of sorts. I guess because of it's colors. But I got the large one and it sits on my bed during the day and is available for hugs and conversation at night. I named it Munch and it's the first stuffed animal I've had since the little red and white dog I was given when I was 2 years old.

I find it very comforting and, in some way, quite validating.