Musings on authentic selves

Hello ladies.
XXOO
Long time no see. Hope life is treating you well.
(
I confess that I have been getting somewhat philosophical on my journey, here. My lovely, supportive wife and I were chatting, and the concept of being your authentic self came up .
I am clear, from all my readings and podcast-listening, that one of our ultimate goals in life is being able to live life as our authentic selves. I have been supportive of that for my entire teaching career. However, with me learning about my CD'ing side, I am not 100% clear as to what is "authentically me".
I am trained as an actor, so presenting as whatever I choose is part of my nature. This works well on stage, in front of the students, etc. But the question for me is becoming: What am I, when I am alone? <shrug>
What makes me deeply happy? <shrug>
What metrics can I use to sort this brain-tangle? [Noting the desires as they happen? Simply proceeding with life and letting my subconscious figure it out? Counselling? Community?...]
Heh heh...separating dysphoria from depression, wading through the identity quagmire... pretty tiring, eh? 😉

Yes, my brain goes in obscure circles every now and then. At very least, my wife is still supportive, and helping my explore (as much as she can, given that she is having her own challenges discovering her husband of almost 30 yrs crossdresses)

Hugs and sprinkles
Jenny Robinson

Good and bad news, Jenny. From MY 80+ years of experience I have discerned there is no, one "authentic" u!:eek:

I mean, if u consider wearing women's things wherever and whenever u like to be the authentic u? Then, u can never be your authentic self. The same way other authentic people can't run around naked, hold up banks, run over people they don't like in the SUV's, or the many other things that r illegal, immoral, or simple antisocial they would like to do.:sad:

But, I don't think anyone has just one authentic self. As proof, when u were 20 did u look back at your 13 y/o self thinking how silly and ignorant u were? Then, when u were 35 looking back at your 20 y/o old self and think the same thing? Well, I look back at my 65 y/o self and think the same thing!:heehee:

Why? Because we r constantly changing from birth to death. We were meant to be not one, but many different authentic people. Kids, teens, parents, and our involvement with the many jobs, hobbies, and social activities we learn and enjoy during our life time.

So, in the end how u dress/present is simply one aspect of your many faceted, authentic self.:battingeyelashes:

very nice response, doc

Well said.
Xxoo

There are no outside influences on me to be anything so what ever I do to be whoever I Am is just me. I don't analyze it

Jenny, I instinctively cringe whenever I hear words like true self and living authentically. Not because I disagree with the idea of being true to oneself, but because I really don’t know. My ex once told me I was the least self aware person she had ever met. I don’t think she meant that in a good way :(.

Genifer, I envy you for that.
My A.D.D. brain chews on this kind of stuff all the time at the almost-concious level.
XXOO

Jenny

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<image of Jenny giving Kim a hug or two>
Heh. Self-aware, in my book, means that you know what you are feeling and why. That's the difference between blithely bouncing through life like a ping pong ball and knowing how to dodge the situations that cause you distress.
The more I learn about how to present as female, the more I am discovering that I like the hit of dopamine I get each time.

**Hey, all this discussion is helping me to focus my thinking! I am loving all of you more and more now!**

My authentic self is a mostly good guy who likes/needs to be busy creating and/or fixing things, who loves his family, friends, music, and learning. Oh, and I like to wear women's clothes but I don't know that that has anything to do with my authentic self, it's just something I like to do.

You present sort of Schroedinger's Crossdresser dilemma. If I have an "authentic self," then I can think of no one who has seen it. The 'self' I present depends on the circumstances and the company. With just my wife I am a little different than with the rest of the family, which is a little different than I am in the general public, which is different than when I'm at work. I am very different when I'm Geena, which I'm sort of an idealized form of the feminine me.

In some ways, I don't so much think "Who am I," but rather "Who do I strive to be?"

I've struggled my whole life to answer the question of "Who am I - really?" and it always seems that the deeper I dig, the less I find.
My gender dysphoria issues only complicated things. I know I should have been born a girl, but I also know that I wasn't. So- which is my "genuine" me?

Finally, I decided to look for what's common through all my "selves" - be they Sara, husband, friend, coworker, customer - whatever. What is always there?

I've found these things:
gentle
caring
supportive
curious about things, but after I've figured it out, I often lose interest
definitely shy and quiet around people I don't know - or in a crowd
insecure - I definitely worry about what others (yes, even strangers!) might think of me.
Intelligent - or so I'm told. (I guess it *might* be true.)
a nerd/geek/whatever - I read a lot, and I worked with electronics and computers before retiring.

So - I guess this is my genuine self, regardless of how I'm dressed.
I'll admit that I'd be oh-so-much happier if the world could just see Sara, not my male physical body.
Ah well.

I have lived my life digging for the answers to the who, what, when, where, and why's of life. Some couldn't care less, that is who they are. I have a tendency to over think things, that just makes everything much more complicated.

I tend to look at many things now, based on what's inside the package, rather than what the wrapping of the package. We have Schroedinger's cat, or Crossdresser dilemma, cute thought, and some believe they are different when the package has a different covering. That's fine if you look at it that way, but I still see me, quirks, and all.

Who is the authentic me? I'm someone who has a blend of masculine, and feminine traits, who accepted myself as this quirky character. Some may say that my feminine side exhibits the feminine part of me through my clothes. I see into my character, and it is found in the mix within me through various character traits.

All of this can be likened to looking for perfection! Good luck to anyone searching for perfection, I think they are looking on either the wrong planet, or universe. "Pray that there is intelligent life in outer space, because there is bugger all here on Earth". "Beam me up Scotty!"