It takes a while, but it's been worth it.
I've been living full time as a woman since spring of 2020 and out to the world since October of that year. I can't tell you how anxious I've been over the decades of closeted and then explorational crossdressing. Nor can I adequately describe the emotional roller coaster I was on as I worked toward and then followed through on transition. Even after coming out it seemed I was always reluctant to go new places and very happy to return home safely.
Now it's normal. I don't think there was a single moment where everything got better. It was more of a slow diminishing of that anxiety with each month of hormones and several surgeries. My career was as a professional data analyst for the largest police department in our state. I retired before coming out and there are a few friends from that era that know my story. Last week I was at a weekly breakfast with a couple of other friends and as we prepared to leave I recognized the back of the head of someone in the next booth. He was an officer friend from the "old" days and I stopped to visit for a few minutes. He hadn't seen me since transition and neither had his partner, a woman I went to high school with. I visited with them and the couple they were with until their breakfast arrived. My friend started off referring to me as Sarah but shortly was using my dead name and male pronouns as he got caught up in war stories about our misadventures.
It didn't bother me. I guess I've finally gotten comfortable in my skin and understand that I'm stronger and more authentic now than I ever have been in my life. This is what I was missing for 60 years of my life and I'll not be giving it up. I wish each of you the same kind of strenth, validation and comfort on your journey.
