Has anyone tried telling their wife they couldn't be involved?

Yes I said wife because this question is directed at straight married crossdressers. So please no PC patrol😄 I just started thinking if it became a open thing you told your wife. No shame and you didn't let her participate, didn't let her see you and not from an embarrassed angle but a macho angle. Kinda like I'm going to have some MAN time and dress real pretty and dance around to Katy Perry songs. Rebuff attempts and your wife getting involved because of your" no girls allowed" policy😄 Wouldn't that drive most women mad and they'd have to be involved? I myself and a lot of stories I heard all come from weakness and shame, two things that turn women off whether they admit it or not. Screw it, own it to the fullest! Even crossdresser erotica is all about being caught, forced, and very shame based. Just don't go out with the guys because then it just seems gay😄 I'm in a strange mood tonight and this would've worked with my second ex wife. I think it takes a real man to admit they like girly clothes and things. If you go out dressed to the nine 's in public well that takes a brass set my friends😄

I welcome my wife's company at all times

You present an unusual attitude as most want the participation of their wives.

Now if you were asking wives if they accept or not........

You covered a lot of ground in that one post but my thoughts on one part.

My wife and I have differing fashion sensibilities when it comes to my Cd creations. So as opposed to making her mad by ignoring her suggestions I've just excluded her from the dressing process. This did not "drive her mad" but made her very happy.

I'll approach this from a slightly different angle. Over the years I spent way too much energy trying to find a way to convince my bride to participate in some way. Thing is, she is not unlike many women who simply have no desire to do so and that ain't gonna change.

But what if it did?

Honestly, I'd be horrified. I have come to terms with keeping separation between the two gender worlds I inhabit and with that came an absolute comfort level with being myself in the real world. I don't harbor delusions that people read me as some species of trans. Yet I have no desire for her to be out & about with me and observing Muggle reactions that might suggest I don't measure up as a woman. It would just cause too much stress for me. Not the lack of measuring up. Instead, her being a witness to this would stress me out.

In our home, there are times she will catch a glimpse of me but I don't go flaunting it around her. I have little desire to prance around my family presenting as a female. No shame, certainly no macho thing. It is out of respect for her.

So to bring it full circle, yes...my wife is excluded from this side of me, by both of us if that makes any sense.

No, I can't agree with you premise. You tell your wife the single greatest secret in your life and then you tell her you want to keep it secret from her? If that's a mutual decision, so be it. If it is only your decision you are losing out on a great thing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cassiekat

Wouldn't that drive most women mad and they'd have to be involved?

---

Is this the point you are trying to get across? That by approaching your wife this way would be a way to actually have her be involved? As opposed to sulking about in a very submissive manner and sort of begging for her to be involved? Kind of like the whole, tell someone that they can't have something and that is what actually makes it so that they then want that thing when they hadn't even considered it before you told them they couldn't have it? Is that your thought?

Hmm.... if that is your thought, it is interesting. But I would still disagree with that particular method.

There is another option, besides coming from a point of "weakness and shame." From the very beginning I told my wife, my GF at the time, what I wanted to do, no hiding, no deception, no weakness, no shame, just a simple "Hey, can I try on some of your underwear?" and then later "Hey, can I try on one of your bras?" She said, "why?" And I said, cause I would like to. I think I would enjoy it. Pretty matter of fact.

Of course, I am one of the weirdos who never realized that I needed to be ashamed of my desires. Weird, I know!

You got my premise Nadine. Sometimes I get a little scattered and obtuse thanks for seeing through that. I went to a major extreme with this but I liked what you said. You didn't have any shame or guilt and that my have reflected to your wife and then it wasn't so odd or taboo to her.

I believe you have a point that Nadine has followed-up. Being a man, leading the game, being in control, that would work for some wives. However, and its a big however, some dominant males revel in reversing this too, in giving a certain compensating power to their wives - that's all about life balance among other things. As a tactic, you'd have to know your woman to decide on such an approach. In essence this is what I've been doing in work meetings for a few weeks now: "yes i'm wearing women's clothes, I like it, end of effing story, get on with it". It works, make no big deal and no-one else does, cos they're afraid of making a "hate crime" violation. Especially in America - such rule-followers from my travel experience.

Exclude her and she will wonder what sort of weird stuff you're into. My wife is welcome to participate but chooses not to, as she's rather indifferent about my CDing and happy that I'm home and not out on the streets. Crossdressing has always been personal for me, so this works for us both. If I intended to specifically exclude her, I wouldn't have revealed my CDing to her.

My wife is slowly coming around to see me dressed or partial dressed.
But if I am being truthful i worry if she sees too much of me dressed that she will see me more as her girlfriend than her husband and could effect other things in our marriage. With that said, I've not pushed or pulled away from her seeing me, allowed her to do so as she feels comfortable. It has taken a long time and been a slow process for me it was the best way to go about it.
But I always let her know she is welcome to accompany me. Although I've told my gal friends that she slows me down...LOL

Cassie,
I think my life would be complete if my wife was involved, it's what my dressing is all about !
You have given me a thought that if I said I don't want her involved she may change her mind and insist !
I made the point to my son when I came out to him that it's a very hard thing for a man to admit he wears women's clothes and the reasons behind it !

My wife has not expressed interest in seeing this part of me. From day one she said she did not want any part of it and I completely agree and respect her on this.
All I said to this was that, should the day come when she would change her mind, I would let her at her own pace. Until then, I do not bring it up.

Honestly speaking, when or if that day ever comes, I will be terrified for sure, for a lot of the same reasons Sara mentioned.

i think i can see the point you're trying to get across in an obtuse kind of way. please do correct me if i'm wrong but it seems as if you are trying to highlight he submissive context of desperately seeking the approval and participation of people close to you . as if you're own well being depends somehow on their opinion of you rather than your own opinion of you ? in this way i think that's a very emotionally secure way of appreciating your own uniqueness. it's saying "i'm happy with me, i don't need your approval, you can think what you like" . as an abstract thought there's nothing wrong with that and can actually be very healthy IMHO. the problem comes in this particular scenario is that most people in commited relationships DO in fact care about what the other thinks of them in a manner of mutual respect and understanding. of course as i said, i believe you may actually be referring to this in a more abstract fashion than the literal and trying to make an analogy between this and any other "hobby" that a husband may have that a wife may just let him get on with without interest in , for example model trains etc lol i'm thinking that where this particular analogy falls down is that for most husbands who dress, their female personna actually relishes the thought of participation in this aspect of their lives by the females closest to them. just my interpretation and i may have completely missed the point

Not without my wife.
It's why I married her in the first place: to be together.

my wife has helped me come to terms with who i am,that i would fell weird doing anything without her.

Thanks Jamie😄 you are not the first to call me obtuse😄 you have clarified my madness abit. Yes I found in two failed marriages that I need to be true to myself first. If I find someone great if not I still have to live with myself😄

Several decades ago I spent a lot of time trying to convince my wife to buy me a pair of panties for my birthday. It did not go well. I realized at that time trying to force my wife to do something against her will was nothing short of mental spousal abuse. It was sort of strange because for several years after we tied the knot, we engaged in some playful bedroom play, i.e., we bought together and sometimes she alone bought me garterbelts, stockings and nightgowns. I guess in her mind it was youth fetish play. There were some benefits for her to play. Later I started to buy some full slips. Beautiful full slips with a lot of lace, and, assorted colors. BUT, when she found I had bought a red Vanity Fair bra...well.. Why would a guy buy a bra when he had nothing to stuff in it. We realized together this was more than liking the feel of nylon. That turned her off. I think she equated a male wearing women's clothing as some sort of sick lesbian adventure of which she wanted no part. For her to participate was more than her masculine husband not being her masculine husband. It was he wants me to be a lesbian. She was not into women. Even the thought of me pretending to be a woman at Halloween would go over like a lead balloon, even though she saw her father dressed as a woman on Halloween at an Eagle's Halloween Party.

What would I do if she sprung it on me that she wanted to see me en femme making dinner? I probably would decline. I know I do not pass. I really could absorb a good belly laugh from her. I don't think I could absorb a fit of crying.

So, cross dressing is a private affair for me. Cross dressing is a stress reliever. My PTSD counselor would probably fall out of her chair if she knew instead of me getting through some days with drugs and alcohol, I relax in a pretty dress, heels, slip and proper undergarments. Why hide in a bottle, when I can hide as a woman?

As far as me trying to preserve my masculinity, I don't need to hide from my wife. She met me as a combat veteran. She knows me with my worst memories incurred as a very masculine guy, a good lover, a good provider, a good father and grandfather, generous to a fault. If you look at me you'll see no vestige of a cross dresser. I look like a regular guy, and, a lot better preserved than most aging men. My wife does not need to see me hinting with long hair, pierced eared, plucked eyebrows, hidden painted nails or long fingernails. I do not leave my femme clothing out.

Sorry Cassie but it smells a little bit of manipulation and game playing if you ask me. I don't play games or try and manipulate my wife. I think it is disrespectful.

Hi Cassie, I would love to get my:love:wife involved.:daydreaming:

I would have to say that I would like to have my wife involved. She accepts my dressing but wants no active role in it and I respect that. Besides, having her know about it and then telling her she couldn't be involved wouldn't drive her nuts it would just create a wider gap between us.

Its hard enough to get them involved in the first place as a general rule. Now if you throw a new problem in the mix such as telling them they can't join in so it makes them more jealous is just so wrong. Why go there?
If you're married to a remotely strong woman you will be getting into one heck of a fight fast and fast.

Stephaine
It sounds as if you have written my story with the exception of I would be the happiest person around if my wife could accept me for who I am fully!!! I hide nothing from her.